Me and Keith Urban

Earlier this week, I bought a guitar from a co-worker. 🎸

It wasn't an impulse buy. It's been on the bucket list forever and the chance fell into my lap.

I've always wanted to learn to play. I figure 40+ years was long enough of a wait.

It's an expensive guitar, but she sold it to me for a song. No pun intended. 😀

It's a "Keith Urban" and came with a set of teaching CD's, case and a buncha cool stuff.

Last nite I practiced for an hour. It's hard work getting your fingers just right on the frets. MAJOR finger practicing is in order.

After an hour, I was frustrated but I know it'll take time.

It's not like I'm going on tour next week.

It felt so liberating to buy it on the spot. One of the perks of employment.

The Sig.Other wasn't impressed at all. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't mention it to him first or what, but whatever ails him is not my problem.

In the meanwhile, I'm working on becoming the next Nancy to Ann Wilson's "Heart" and banging out "Crazy For You."

A 'girl' guitar player.

Hellz yeah. 😎😎😎

Who are You When You're Alone?

I liked this shorty from one my of faves @ "Medium", Dan Pedersen.

I marinated in this while I piddled around on this day off. I was home alone, silent and with my own thoughts. One of my most favorite places to be.

"That is the real you. Unshackled from the opinions of others or the need to dominate others for your security."

I came to the conclusion that I am the same 'me' alone that I am when I'm with others. I never feel a need to 'dominate', nor do I care of others' opinions. I don't think I 'am better' than anyone @ my job. Well all do things differently, but I would hope no one looks at me as having an ego.

I basically am who I am. 24/7.

The only thing I believe I'm guilty of when I'm alone is maybe being somewhat harsh on myself. Sometimes my thoughts lean to be critical of my flaws.

But since I'm alone, I've learned to ride the waves of whatever comes up in my head. Instead of trying to deny it, I let it be, then try to put it back where it came from or get rid of it altogether.

When I'm alone, I am:

• Quiet
• Thoughtful
• Mindful
• Meditative
• Angry
• Disappointed
• Lonely
• Thankful
• Artistic
• Creative
• Sad (sometimes)
• Heart Sick

And after I've had time to mull over those feelings, something will usually bring back to 'real life', being in the moment, then I move on.

It's only being human. And comfortable in my skin.

This is Who I Am When I Am Alone.

By: Me

Who Are You? 👀👀

Namaste.

Catch Up

Self  Reflection

Actually, there isn't a whole lot to catch up on.

Spring is here and everything is in bloom; folks putting out flowers. Since my flower budget is 'nil', I did seeds again. They're actually popping up after only 2 weeks, so that makes me happy.

I decided flower/veggie seeds truly teach you patience. They grow on their own time and there's not a damn thing you can do about.

Still nothing' happening on the employment. I go thru phases of wondering if I'm not trying hard enough, to "eff it." I can only continue the search & be patient. Like flower seeds.....🌺🌻🌼

Aside from doing art, I've been reading everything in sight. Here are a few I can remember right now:

This one was a HUGE message about compassion/care/love of the homeless. I loved it.

Always loved reading about life in the Appalachians. Good statistics and how a young guy persevered. Good read.

Mothers, daughters, and dysfunction. Quick, easy read.

Lastly, having always been fascinated by slavery, this was the best I've read in a long time. Brutal and right in your face. I never fail to learn something new each time I approach this subject.

Otherwise, I'm just trying to be in a good place, mentally; physically & spiritually. Creating art & shooting pix brings me back to my happy place.

It takes focus off of self.

And provides patience.

Just like flower seeds.

"Combo Platter": Molding paste, stencils, acryllic paints, little extras 

Making a Deposit

How do we make deposits to our souls? By making time for things that are important to us. Hang out with our girlfriends. We can go and check out a new coffee shop. Read a book. Read the Bible. Spend quiet time alone with God, and go to church. How about going to get our nails done? Pray. Pray a lot. We could even turn our cellphones off for a change. Wait, what did I just say? Yes, we could turn our cells off. Listen to worship music. Take a drive. Except compliments and blessings without feeling guilty about it, and learn to quote scripture. By soul searching we can come to realize how much we need these things. - See more at: http://www.backroadsliving.com/soul-searching/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BackRoadsLiving+%28Back+Roads+Living%29#sthash.BiyavzHW.dpuf

I love this article I found at "Back Roads Living. It makes so much sense to take time to deposit into our souls. After a very whirlwind week with my continuing job search, today I felt completely spent. I am not sure if it is the action of the week, or that I haven't been consuming food as I regularly should. I spent several hours laying in bed reading this wonderful book. A deposit for the soul, indeed.

“There was a time in Africa the people could fly. Mauma told me this one night when I was ten years old. She said, “Handful, your granny-mauma saw it for herself. She say they flew over trees and clouds. She say they flew like blackbirds. When we came here, we left that magic behind.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Invention of Wings: A Novel

How do we make deposits to our souls? By making time for things that are important to us. Hang out with our girlfriends. We can go and check out a new coffee shop. Read a book. Read the Bible. Spend quiet time alone with God, and go to church. How about going to get our nails done? Pray. Pray a lot. We could even turn our cellphones off for a change. Wait, what did I just say? Yes, we could turn our cells off. Listen to worship music. Take a drive. Except compliments and blessings without feeling guilty about it, and learn to quote scripture. By soul searching we can come to realize how much we need these things. - See more at: http://www.backroadsliving.com/soul-searching/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BackRoadsLiving+%28Back+Roads+Living%29#sthash.BiyavzHW.dpuf

Thursday

"Before"

"After"

 How about this little project I saw on Pinterest? I started saving empty jars last year for some reason & finally found this. Spray paint the INSIDE of the jars, let dry & instant vases! The colors I used were 'Sunshine Yellow' and 'Ballet Slipper."  Of course I can see all the flaws, but for the most part, I think they're cute. :-)

I've still not found a job, but then again, I haven't been looking that hard. I am truly enjoying this 'leisure time' and actually have no desire to punch a time clock. But I know this can't go on forever. I'm really trying to figure out what I want to do, but I draw blank. After so many years of 'working to pay the bills', what I really want escapes me.

I've also found that I am enjoying spending all this time alone. I don't mean to anti-social, but my own company seems to be all I can handle right now. Yes, I know it's been three weeks of solitude, but for some reason, I feel peaceful. I really do need to get in touch w/family & spend time with them.

But for right now...

Subtle

sub·tle: /ˈsətl/: Adjective

1. (esp. of a change or distinction) So delicate or precise as to be difficult to analyze or describe.
2. (of a mixture or effect) Delicately complex and understated.

Synonyms: subtile - fine - delicate - nice - sharp

fine or delicate in meaning or intent; difficult to perceive or understand: subtle irony

Yesterday, I wondered where to hang a picture I love

Then it hit me, in fact it was almost like I heard it out loud

"Change it, move it, claim your space"

So I removed a picture that's been hanging for years

Which is very precious, indeed

But it's not me, nor my life

And now I realize, it never truly was

But was allowed out of respect

My time now

When my action was questioned, I felt strong & proud & fierce

When I let it be known

That it's my time now

Subtly will get you everywhere.

Growth

Growth is calling for me in it's loudest voice. What was once a whisper has now become a shout!

It is calling for me to set to set myself free. It is telling me it's time to develop & mature physically, mentally, & spiritually.

 It is calling for me to be my true, authentic self. My whole funny, silly, goofy, moody, emotional, happy self.

It is telling me to be gentle to myself; to be proud of myself, to allow myself, to wish for myself & to not apologize for anything of myself

 It is telling me I need to let my light shine and show the world my heart, soul & the gifts God gave me

But mostly, it is telling me to fear not of the future

And to damn sure weep not for the past

Carry On Tuesday word phrase: fear not of the future;weep not for the past

pictures: tracey

Meriness!!!

Merry Christmas, my friends and family. I can't believe how folks are not receptive to the word "Christmas" this year; it's freaky. They're only going with "Happy Holidays". I refuse to conform.

Looks like I'll be spending time alone this afternoon/evening; "D" has to go into work; Son will be deeply entranced w/his new CD player; mom wanted to stay home & cook, & my sisters are spending time w/their families. The three of us had a nice time opening what we could give; I had an entire bottle of Korbel Brut champagne (my self-imposed tradition) and we're all in chill mode.

"The Tree, 2012" :-)

Since we're not making a big deal of dinner, I skipped out on cooking 'the all out Christmas dinner.' "D" and I had left-over chili (yum), and Son will have left over pot roast. The ham & all that other crap will keep until the spirit moves me.

So, while I listen to Pandora Holiday Jazz, sip some more, maybe bake some cookies & make up a Christmas bag for the young teenage neighbor, I am thinking of all of you enjoying your holiday. I pray there is plenty of love, hugs, laughter, good food and merriment.

And that you are all blessed with the reason for the Season. Merry CHRISTmas and good, awesome, wonderful cheer. :-)

Day 18, A Day of Thanks

I have failed epically at giving daily thanks, even though I have been thankful, daily. In keeping with Happenings @ Chaos, my dear friend, Sharon's, timely & daily blessings inspire me.


I am grateful for making what I feel are the right decisions regarding discipline

I am grateful for this beautiful November weather: sunshine & blue skies, even tho temps are high 40's & low 50's.

I am grateful for the beautiful fall mess that is my yard. With the golden yellow leaves from the maple all over the place, I think it looks rustic

I am grateful that it's my house and I don't have to rake if I don't want to. Ever. Lol.

I am grateful that everything will still bloom in its time, even if I don't rake.

I am grateful for the grace I am feeling in the face of adversity about the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving plans have changed multi-times in as many as 3 days. I'm about ready to chuck it all. WITH grace. :-\

I am grateful for Xanax. :-)

Silence

Hello friend,

I knew I'd meet you here. All I had to do was walk about & listen for you.

Let's sit in the sun for a while and chat. All is well here, and you?

Isn't it amazing how when we need each other, we know right where the other is?

I have a feeling you enjoy my company as much as I enjoy yours.

By the way, my name is Tracey. I'm sorry I didn't catch yours?

Welcome my friend. Very nice to meet you, Silence.

:-)

Sunday Scribblings word prompt: "silence"
Picture: me

Down time

"Time is a very healing place, one in which you can grow."  ~Denise Tanner

With time off of work, one thing I never thought I would do is sleep. Then again, I stay up 'late' because I can right now. After the house has gone to bed, I have total quiet with no one asking me anything or asking anything of me. Bliss.

I have still been getting up to get Son up. There are a few things I would def. need to check; like what he's wearing, how much breakfast is he eating; reminding him of the time. Oh, and to tie his shoes (lol.)

It's been feeling good to crawl back into bed once Son leaves & I give the dogs their time outside, but then I get the noise of the rest of the world; garbage trucks, school buses, city repair workers, lawn mowers. Scream.

Still my precious time alone seems short.I need to realize that downtime doesn't equal house work. Do I know how to have downtime? Since tomorrow is the last of our warm days (I HOPE those 4 days of heat wasn't Indian Summer), I will get out & soak up this last bit of warmth. With camera in hand, of course. :-)

Wandering

Wandering re-establishes the original harmony which once existed between man and the universe.  ~ Anatole France

Randoms & Sunrises

"Backyard sunrise"

"Being a passenger"

Sunrise in motion

I was a passenger this morning so I had a chance to shoot a couple of sunrise shots out the window. It was magnificent.

Son will be 25 on the 5th of next month. We have been having 'adult' issues with him re: s-e-x. I often have to remind myself, even though he is autistic, he IS a grown young man, so it's been a rather delicate thing to handle. I knew the day would come & I hope I'm guiding him in the right direction. This is usually a father/son
issue, but as I am both, I did my best. Lol. Sigh...

I have 4-1/2 days of vacation I need to take before my 11th year anniversary on the 29th, so next week, I will work 1/2 a day, then be off the rest of the week. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping to organize myself photo-wise, craft-wise, reading wise, slowly break down the yard/patio/porch for the winter & spend some time with mom.

But mostly I'm hoping to relax, slow down & bask in the glow of not having any place to be. :-)

"It is important from time to time to slow down, to go away by yourself, and simply be."
--Eileen Caddy

Pictures: me 

Feeling kinda Sepia...

Wide, open spaces

"unfinished business" this has been sitting for @ least 5 years.

daily traveled road

the bottom of an up-rooted tree. new life has taken over

cat 'o nines shinning in the sun

a surprising double treat

What a beautiful day today. No humidity, just big fluffy clouds, royal blue skies & perfect 70+ degrees. I pulled over on the way back from lunch; there were a few things I'd had my eye on. It adjusted my mood, soul and attitude by leaps and bounds.

Pictures: me :-D
Today's Lesson: always take time to do this.

 Prayers to those who are still dealing with the effects of Hurricane Issac. We finally got a slight touch him starting last night & ending this morning. It was so nice to wake up & roll back over to the sound of heavy rain @ 7:00 a.m. Once again, I realized how the rain, with all its power, yet all it's gentleness, can also soothe.

Pictures by: me
Sunday Scribbling word prompt: "soothe." 

Caladium holding up under pressure

"Chocolate/Mint" Choeleus"

Choleus

Gerbera Daisies. While waiting on blooms, the leaves are great on their own.