June is here

Happenings:

• I turned 62. Nothing big, no fanfare or celebration
• I spent four days @ my sister's home about 50 miles North. It was nice to get away but after four days, I was ready to be back home. 
• That's the first time I've been anywhere in years (if you really count 50 miles North 'anywhere)
• I planted a garden on wheels w/veggies & herbs and copious amounts of flowers I saved from death at the store. Everything looks very nice.
• I decorated my porch in a red theme this year. I don't have visitors so I pretty much enjoy it alone.
• I've been working a lot of hours because I don't really have anything else to do.
• I still miss my son deeper than words can say. Grief if never-ending.
• Even though I don't miss Dwayne, the thought that he died here alone while waiting on the ambulance during his heart attack hit me hard over the last couple of days. Heavy tears were shed.
• I still have my guy friend I talk/or text w/daily. I haven't seen him in the flesh but a handful of times since October 2024. Another story for another day.
• I joined "Substack" but don't really like it. Lol. I don't like the idea of having to pay to read folks' thoughts. They're truly not important to me.
• My sister is really pushing for me to create a book and/or calendar w/my photos. I've been starting and not following thru for years. We'll see.
• Temps, humidity & dew point levels are to become unbearable over the next few days. I don't have my A/C's in my windows so I'm hoping not to be miserable for too much longer
• On my off day (Thursday), I try to 'date' myself. The local museum was nice recently.
• I haven't done anything more to the spare room that I was chomping at the bits to paint. I patched a couple of holes in the wall but that's it. I'll try to get on that very soon.
• Oh, I'm lonely.

The Power of ...

 

Silence

Silence can make us nervous thinking we need to fill the void, but there is immense strength in silence. All sounds, from a whisper to a classical symphony, arise out of silence and disappear into silence. But silence is always there beneath sound and is the space where sound can exist. We tend to think of silence as the absence of sound, but silence has its own weight and quality. When you listen to silence, you can perceive its intense depth and power. Taking the time to experience silence calms the mind and rejuvenates the body. Silence is the void where we can hear the many sounds that we often ignore — the voice of our intuition telling us the truth, the sound of the breeze blowing, the hum of the radiator, and the noises we make just because we are alive. One way to experience silence is to wake up before the rest of the world has come alive. Try not to move into activity, and leave off the lights, radio, and television. Sit still and simply listen. You may hear your heartbeat or your breath, but keep your attention tuned to the silence that surrounds you. Stay this way for as long as you can, and allow the sound of silence to penetrate your body until it moves into your core. Feel the gentle, pulsing waves of silence and allow it to cleanse you. Five minutes of communing with silence can leave you feeling vibrant and connected to the universe. At night, choose a moment after everyone around you has retired and tune in to silence. You can also experience silence throughout the day. Even in the midst of activity, moments of silence are always present. Usually we ignore or feel nervous around silence and try to fill these moments with sound. Yet silence is always there — vast, potent, and available for us to step into any time we choose. ~ Daily Om As I settle into adjustment of this new silence, I appreciate this article.

Hey! It's November Already!!

Hey folks. Yeah... I'm still here. I've been to this blank page more times than I care to count so let me try to catch up.

I can't begin to put into words how fast time is flying. It really messes w/my head some days. Working crazy shifts back and forth; I usually don't know what day it is, nor the date. Everything is a blur.  AARP Mag. says this:

As I get older, time seems to just fly by. Every year seems shorter. Am I normal? 

That's normal. Blame it on how your brain marks time — through novel experiences that create memories. Growing up, you’re learning and changing and making memories. Then, as an adult, you settle down into a routine, which makes the days, weeks, months and even years start to blur. “When those days don’t change, they meld together until something — such as seeing a friend’s grown child you haven’t seen since age 2 — shocks you back into memory mode,” says British psychologist Claudia Hammond, author of Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception. To keep time from flying by, you need to deliberately create new memories, Hammond explains. “Go somewhere different and do new things this weekend. On Monday, when you look back, the weekend will feel as if it were a longer period of time.” 

Got it? ✔

The summer for me truly flew by. I worked straight thru without vacation. I grew lovely flowers, herbs, tomatoes and sunflowers in pots. Things didn't quite work out like I wished, but I'll try again next year, God willing.

Then it seems the Fall came and went so quickly. We didn't even have Indian Summer!!!! This year we had beautiful color, but lots of wind/rain, so the beauty didn't last for long. I caught what I could.

Fall is my most favorite season to shoot for obvious reasons. 😉

Still working @ and loving the store. June made a year, I got raise. 👍 I have quite a few favorite customers, especially the elderly. I love giving them time and attention. #priceless

Mom entered memory care on August 1st. Still emotional about it even though it is for the very, very best. She has adjusted; it's a nice place for her. We've been going through the process of breaking down her home to put on the market. The sibs and I already have established homes, so we didn't have a need for much of mom's stuff. And I mean she had STUFF! An entire house full of her life to be dismantled. I give ALL props to Sisters #1 and 2 for their hard work on this. We would be lost without them.

This makes me think of my own house full of STUFF! If someone had to do the same for me, they would catch the same type of hell we're catching right now! I think my books and craft things would be enuff to make someone want to strike a match. Oy vey ....

... which brings me to this book I picked up the other day from the library. I'm afraid I "keep" too many things for various sentimental reasons. I really need to let go. In gathering things from mom's, I tried to keep it "down" - only taking what I could use around the house but I took a lot of her books, etc. Just because they once belonged to her.

Alzheimer's is a bitch of a disease. It totally robs folks of their lives & memories. I don't know what stage of life mom is trapped in right now, but she's NOT in the present or even the past few years. We don't know what to talk to her about. The most we can do is listen to her talk of times we know nothing of and agree. We "lost" her nearly four years ago. It's hard. But it's life.

"Better Days"

What else?? 🤔

OH! Remember the Arbor Day Tree Photo Contest I mentioned in my LAST POST OF APRIL? (Sheesh...), well... I WON FOURTH PLACE!!! I was on a natural high for sure! I left the gallery, went straight to bar down the street, bought myself a celebratory drink, sat outside on the patio & enjoyed my few moments of fame. I was SO happy! I looked like this: 😀

Otherwise, that about sums up the past few months. Nothing exciting on the horizon; I wish I could change that but... it is what it is. I've been practicing being ' present in the moment' for the past few days; not racing ahead in my thoughts - not looking back, but being right in the moment. It's a hard practice but it's where God said to meet him - right here/right now. It feels strange, yet peaceful.

We are spiritual beings having human experiences.

Peace.

*All photos by Cuppa"T" Photography (aka: me)

November??? Seriously???

I didn't realize I had not posted one damn thing since September here. Where have I been? Where was I the entire month of October?

I've been right here. I've come to this blank page many times but the words got jumbled in my head so I left. And left. And kept leaving.

1990

2017

• In two days, my son will be 30 years old! A co-worker told me he didn't think I was more than 35 years (I'll pay him off later) His growth into a beautiful, gentle, humble man who happens to have Autism is just a testament that time goes on; whether you know what you're doing or not. I still to this very moment am not sure in my parenting skills, but here we are.

• It's been six months since I've been @ the store and I still love it. Of course you run into folks who are miserable in their lives and want to spread the misery, but I repel that shit like roach spray. I recommend everyone do the same.

• The sibs and I are still keeping a close watch on mom. You never know what will go on from one day to the next w/her dementia. I discovered B-12 deficiency can be a major factor in easing/slowing the effect of "D". I vaguely remember mom's doctor telling us that and recommending shots to which she said 'to hell with THAT!' So .... here we are: nowhere.

• Summer is done and shut down. I have a few plants left that are fighting the good fight w/this 40degree weather. I'll let them go until the frost obliterates them because as long as they still have color & act like they want to live, I say let 'em live.I found that the ones that lasts are the ones I planted from seed. #natural #nature

Nasturtium

Zinnias

• The clocks fall back this Saturday/Sunday morning. Booo.... only because it will get dark @ "early o'thirty." That feeling that always makes you feel like you should have on your pajamas & refuse to go back outside, even though its only 5:27 p.m. Uggh...

Me.

• Otherwise, my life is still what it is. I haven't traveled anywhere, done anything exciting or written any novels worthy of Oprah's Book Club List. 😋😆 I still watch YouTube vids. for practicing the guitar (so relaxing), still 'dabble' in trying to stay creative & staying humble. I guess for now, this is my place in this life.

Namaste.

Face Stencils by me, titled "Mother & Daugher"

Your "Word" for 2017

I'm proud of myself for completing thus far 29 photo prompts of December Reflections. The only 2 I missed were days 24 and 25 and I don't believe in going back in this case. I enjoy these because it makes my brain connect a picture to the prompts. It wasn't difficult since I shoot about a gazillion pictures making it easy to go back & connect one with the other.

I will not participate in the last day. I mean I will, but it won't be "MY" word. I've decided not to have a word for the upcoming year. There are already plenty of words out there; I don't need to put another pain in my ass for feeling like failure when I don't 'live up' to the word.' I have enough on my mind.

For instance, the word below was my 2016 word. Yes, I came out strong creating a bold, kick-ass banner that screamed as much. However, I realized in the last few hours of the old year that I haven't done one damn thing that equates 'brave.'

My "2016 unused word" (Photo by Me)

If you want to call walking out on a stressful new job after a 3 year dry period 'brave', then you can count that. I didn't feel brave at all. I felt like I was leaving before the door hit me in the ass, so to speak. It's less painful when you 'fire' yourself than to hear it coming from your boss. Lol!!

My ever-wise friend, Se'lah, gave me this bit of knowledge tonight:

"If something doesn't personally make a difference in your life, there is no need to embrace it." 

My Photo

What? I don't?? Her saying that was SO freeing!!! Why the hell couldn't I have figured that out myself? I need to surround myself more folks spitting wisdom. Now I need to dig into myself to see what other shit is holding me hostage and why I feel married to shit that doesn't make me feel good.

Peace, light and DUH!!!! 😡

Feelin' Me

My Collage

So.... one day I realized when removing my head scarf from the night before, that I look rather 'regal' with this thing on. This very thing that I've worn since childhood (don't forget your HEAD RAG!!); this very thing that I see women sport on the regular thinking I would never dare try....

I took it a little further and added some sparkles from crafting down my forehead/third eye and added a touch of lip stick.

And Queen Makeda arrived. I'm not real fond of photos of myself, especially when I try taking a 'selfie' with a full scale DSLR (I don't own a smart phone), but here, I feel.... pretty.

Someone told me I looked like Maya Angelou.

I replied: "AND STILL I RISE." :-)

Holy crap; Holidays are coming

I am one of the folks who puts so much pressure on themselves for the holidays that I truly go numb. I mean numb like my anxiety reaches such a height that I don't have room for one other thought. Here are my bullet points so I'll keep it short.

• I'm not working (still)
• Bills (what else is new)
• Christmas shopping on extremely limited funds
• Having my mother over for Thanksgiving (she barely eats anything & last year kept her coat on - SCREAM!!!)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• Cooking Thanksgiving dinner (when I'm panicked, I can't focus & cook my best)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• What to get for James (son) for Christmas - especially w/very limited funds
• My sister's annual Ohio State v. Michigan game (great company, great food, but WAY too much alcohol consumed by all, especially the Sig.Other (sigh...........))
• This makes me not want to attend, but I will... which will cause me to drink more wine than usual. :-)

Then on the other hand, I long for the families and the commercials showing everyone gathering for the holidays, laughing, exchanging gifts & having a good time. All the way down to the perfect Christmas decorations by Pier One. Lol.

I would like to enjoy the holidays in these ways:

"Christmas by Pier 1"

"A calm, happy, normal Thanksgiving"; and

"A nice, elegant New Years"

I told mom that I wish our family had traditions we adhered to yearly. She told me to star my own traditions. What is she trying to do, give me a stroke? Lol. But.... if I want it, it has to start with me. And that would cause me to drink more wine that usual. :-)


Photographs via the Internet

That kinda day

The best thing

one can do

when it's raining

is to

let it rain ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

5 Things; Friday

1) I don't know how I noticed this, but I'm glad I did. The rain is making the leaf change inconsistent. Catch color while you can;

"A tree within a tree" ~ my keen eye :-)

2) Super excited about walking the breast cancer walk next Sunday. Go, "TEAM FOR LIFE!" Rain or shine, I will step proudly for my sister, Sharon, Lori Lynch, and other close friends. :-)

Supporting forever!

3)  Today, I had THEE most amazing interview. Having not worked since March of this year, I've been quite weary in trying to find my nitch. I truly don't want another law firm in my life, so what direction do I take? It's all I've known for the past 20 years.

Suddenly - BOOM! A friend asks who would be willing to work part time with the disabled adult at her church? Not much pay, but extremely rewarding. WHAT????

Will I allow myself to change & soar?

4)  Is this me? Is this FOR me? The 'different' path I've been asking for? Something where I'm feeling good about what I'm doing - helping others. SO me!!  I've been having serious talks w/God about what I should do. It's almost like someone talking to you; you can see their lips moving, but you can't hear them. Uggh! I am putting ALL trust in Him.

5) Yesterday, I went on an impromptu photo walk in the city about 15 mins. over in search of new things for my eyeballs. I believe I've raked our city dry! Lol. The other city is RICH with architecture which is what I was itching for. About five minutes into, it poured rain. I had to call it a day. BUT! I was inspired by the color 'red' in spite of the rain. There is much more to see there, including the house of old school, silent film actress, Lillian Gish. According to the link, it's quite a quaint & unassuming place, no?

"Red"

5 Things Friday

NaBloPoMo, 10/09/13

"Lark or Owl"? ~ "The One Minute Writer"

I am definitely the Lark. I am a get up and get moving type of person. Morning is my favorite time of the day, preferably when the rest of the city sleeps. I love to take my coffee outside & listen to the sounds & message of the birds singing, crickets chirping, and the earth waking up. I breathe deeply and look toward the sky.

"I'm trying the One Minute Writer challenge. Writing steadily for one minute. I like this. I'm also about 5 days late on my "NaBlo", yet feeling no pressure. :-) In all honesty, I had forgotten about it, but it's not too late.