Hey! It's November Already!!

Hey folks. Yeah... I'm still here. I've been to this blank page more times than I care to count so let me try to catch up.

I can't begin to put into words how fast time is flying. It really messes w/my head some days. Working crazy shifts back and forth; I usually don't know what day it is, nor the date. Everything is a blur.  AARP Mag. says this:

As I get older, time seems to just fly by. Every year seems shorter. Am I normal? 

That's normal. Blame it on how your brain marks time — through novel experiences that create memories. Growing up, you’re learning and changing and making memories. Then, as an adult, you settle down into a routine, which makes the days, weeks, months and even years start to blur. “When those days don’t change, they meld together until something — such as seeing a friend’s grown child you haven’t seen since age 2 — shocks you back into memory mode,” says British psychologist Claudia Hammond, author of Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception. To keep time from flying by, you need to deliberately create new memories, Hammond explains. “Go somewhere different and do new things this weekend. On Monday, when you look back, the weekend will feel as if it were a longer period of time.” 

Got it? ✔

The summer for me truly flew by. I worked straight thru without vacation. I grew lovely flowers, herbs, tomatoes and sunflowers in pots. Things didn't quite work out like I wished, but I'll try again next year, God willing.

Then it seems the Fall came and went so quickly. We didn't even have Indian Summer!!!! This year we had beautiful color, but lots of wind/rain, so the beauty didn't last for long. I caught what I could.

Fall is my most favorite season to shoot for obvious reasons. 😉

Still working @ and loving the store. June made a year, I got raise. 👍 I have quite a few favorite customers, especially the elderly. I love giving them time and attention. #priceless

Mom entered memory care on August 1st. Still emotional about it even though it is for the very, very best. She has adjusted; it's a nice place for her. We've been going through the process of breaking down her home to put on the market. The sibs and I already have established homes, so we didn't have a need for much of mom's stuff. And I mean she had STUFF! An entire house full of her life to be dismantled. I give ALL props to Sisters #1 and 2 for their hard work on this. We would be lost without them.

This makes me think of my own house full of STUFF! If someone had to do the same for me, they would catch the same type of hell we're catching right now! I think my books and craft things would be enuff to make someone want to strike a match. Oy vey ....

... which brings me to this book I picked up the other day from the library. I'm afraid I "keep" too many things for various sentimental reasons. I really need to let go. In gathering things from mom's, I tried to keep it "down" - only taking what I could use around the house but I took a lot of her books, etc. Just because they once belonged to her.

Alzheimer's is a bitch of a disease. It totally robs folks of their lives & memories. I don't know what stage of life mom is trapped in right now, but she's NOT in the present or even the past few years. We don't know what to talk to her about. The most we can do is listen to her talk of times we know nothing of and agree. We "lost" her nearly four years ago. It's hard. But it's life.

"Better Days"

What else?? 🤔

OH! Remember the Arbor Day Tree Photo Contest I mentioned in my LAST POST OF APRIL? (Sheesh...), well... I WON FOURTH PLACE!!! I was on a natural high for sure! I left the gallery, went straight to bar down the street, bought myself a celebratory drink, sat outside on the patio & enjoyed my few moments of fame. I was SO happy! I looked like this: 😀

Otherwise, that about sums up the past few months. Nothing exciting on the horizon; I wish I could change that but... it is what it is. I've been practicing being ' present in the moment' for the past few days; not racing ahead in my thoughts - not looking back, but being right in the moment. It's a hard practice but it's where God said to meet him - right here/right now. It feels strange, yet peaceful.

We are spiritual beings having human experiences.

Peace.

*All photos by Cuppa"T" Photography (aka: me)

Trybe Strong

Photo by: me

My best friend has breast cancer.

We got together @ her lovely home yesterday, she gave me this lovely journal for a Christmas gift, we talked, laughed, chatted, then she told me.

I'm not ashamed to tell ya - I'm a 'weeper.':

weep·er

ˈwēpər/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who weeps.
2. 2.

   historical

   funeral garments, in particular.

Any of the following moments can open the floodgates for me:

• when I do Bible study/meditation because I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness to God for everything - good and/or bad; 
• when a movie touches my heart
• when folks get hurt, killed, or die (which in today's world would leave me a nasty mess at all times, but there are specifics to this one)
• @ natural disasters because my heart gets overcome by the loss & sadness for others
• when I've had too much drink and the conversation turns sad or deep
• when I think of my mom these days (dementia)
• when I open my heart and receive

But not this time!!! (Huh?) I felt so powerfully faithful for my friend - not one drop of sadness or fear. Why? Because I didn't feel any of those things and 24 hours later, I still don't.

I feel like God has got this like He has everything else under the sun. Not that blessings are based on any type of our merits (cause there's nothing we can do FOR God; he just wants our love and obedience), but this just feels different. I trust God so hard in this situation that I plainly don't have one shadow of a doubt that this will all come out in line with His will, which is that my friend will go over this "speed bump" (her words) on her journey and continue to live her beautiful life.

I have a friend through Facebook that I've never met in person. She's West Coast, I'm Midwest. We exchange snail mail, she knitted me a pair of fingerless gloves just because I mentioned I wanted a homemade pair (WEEP!!!) and she's going thru the valley of breast cancer. When she told me it had returned and metastasized, I cried so hard I couldn't breathe!

But me and THIS woman? No. The only feeling I have is being there for her & her family in the best way I can. She has a huge tribe of family & friends so I'm not real sure where and when I should step in, nor what I should do, but you can bet the farm I will be there. Starting yesterday.

I have a gazillion and two, no wait - three journals, but they all pale in comparison to this one. If not tonight, tomorrow I will start journaling (the goal is daily) in honor of my girl. She bought one for herself one so we can push each other to stay on top of it. She's never journaled so maybe she can learn from me. Because I've always been 'the writer.' If I don't get my words outta my head and heart, I'd be bat shit crazy.

So here's to being part of my girl's "trybe." I've never felt more protective of her or love for her.

I am love, I am light. I am peace. I am Trybe Strong.

Photo by: me ("Blue Skies on Canvas"

Hello, Ms. New Year

Photo by: Me

Happy New Year to all out there!! They say the new year is the start to a clean slate, but truly - everyday is a clean slate if you think about it.

I haven't for the past couple of years made any resolutions. I just do whatever it is I'm going to do. Besides, I suck @ staying true when I 'resolve.'

However, here are some things that would nice if they would/could happen:

• We find a solution of what to do with mom as her dementia increases
• Mom will allow us to act on her behalf in her best interests
• I will continue to be able to stay in my home. With things shifting, sometime I get just a tad antsy but have to remember God telling me to "be still and know..."
• Carve out serious practice time for the guitar instead of letting it go so long that I have to keep repeating lesson #1
• I can make some type of road trips (or a flight would be even better) to take some new, fresh pictures
• Someone would look @ my FB Photo Bus. page and think, 'OH MY GEEZ, I JUST HAVE TO OWN AN ORIGINAL 😀
• I can get asked to shoot more weddings/parties and charge what I'm worth
• Perhaps at the prompting of Sister #2, create that Photo Book of my pix
• Hoping my creative spark returns. Everything I've touched lately turns out like shit in my eyes
• I can be more real and honest with myself
• I will make time to write here @ least once a week
• I will make time to plop my behind down onto the mat and do yoga again. I know some aches and pains I have sometime can be cured with a solid routine
• Find time to give more attention to my dogs. It's a lot of work taking care of two on your own when it was SUPPOSED to be a joint-project
• Stop spending so much time alone and forge real friendships. Introversy be damned
• May I stretch myself to grow in all ways positive and trust the process

Life is such a beautiful, crazy, mysterious, scary thing.

Photo by: me "Reflections of..."

Checking In

Come to my Window ~ Melissa Ethridge
(Photo by me)

I'm still being faithful to the 31 days of yoga with Adrienne. I find that when I feel out of sorts, etc., dropping down to the mat really does wonders. I look forward to it; the breathing & stretching into Asanas. Yoga is so not an easy thing. Using your body against your body is better than any weight at any gym. Also, the Yoga Journal Magazine has taken on a whole new meaning. Besides reading about it, I'm BEING about it.

As part of Grandbaby's Cakes Soul Food Movement, (I love her), I'm working on a vision board/ boards. I've been a collage maker for a long time, but never one with any 'direction'. I'm working on one for travel, dreams, and positivity. Manifesting my dreams, speaking them into existence. It took me about a week to figure out what my dreams are.

Picked up a few books at the library:

Pat Conroy's Lowcountry stories always capture me. I've dreamed forever of going there (vision board)

A friend recommended this to me years ago; just now getting around to it.

I'm a nature lover as well!!!

Who doesn't love a good 'rags to riches' story? Especially for a young African American girl.

And finally, who doesn't love a good, sad memoir?

Otherwise, I'm hanging in there. I have an offer to return to First Christian's Day Program for work, but I'm SO not feeling it. My brother says go where my spirit calls. My spirit obviously isn't calling me to it.

Namaste

Just a few

Loved it!!

I never wanted to return this book to the library.

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Even though I probably have enough spiritual reading books to start my own book store, I still adored this one. Mrs. Meyers is so kick ass.

And even though I thought this one would sappy/happy, it really is a good story of faith. Do things like these actually happen?

Let me bring you up to date....

"WHERE HAVE YOU  BEEN?" is the questions I usually get from family when I 'go under.'

And you know you've been wondering, too. Don't lie to me.. Hhhaaa!!

(Go Under: when one has finally had enough of everything on her plate and chooses to go silent into ones own head; contacts no one, talks to no one & basically fills time doing photography, or making their 100th mixed media collage, and/or reading 2-3 books at one time, and always meditating on ones relationship with God (or whatever one chooses to call their higher power)

Pretty much nothing changed life-wise until I finally.... found a job. This is THEE job I thought I had been waiting three years to get. Small law-firm, even though I had no desire to go back to 'law', it was the only profession I had worked nearly all of my adult life.

About 1 month into this new venture, I realized... I had no clue what I was doing. It was hard trying to absorb the chaotic world of 'family law.' You know - the laws that had to made to curtail the behavior of lives falling apart. Divorce, dissolution, child custody, GALs (guardian ad litems for the interest of the children of the lives falling apart), jealousy, flat out hate, abuse, stalking....Damn!

I'll spare you the remainder of the train wreck, but after a short four month stint, they let me go.

Don't cry for me, Argentina; I was relieved to be let go. Yes, I felt such a release at not having to deal with that part of folks' lives and all the horrendous paperwork and meticulous steps that come along with it all. I found I would show up in a great mood and by the end of the day, I was emotionally worn out.

Short story shorter, I'm back to what Joyce Meyer calls "The Silent Years." This the time when: you are alone w/you dreams for the future, and it seems as if nothing at all is happening. You are just waiting and trying not to give up! It may even seem that what is happening to you is leading you in an opposite direction than what you had imagined. This is the season when God prepares to use you in greater and greater ways.

.... and I'm good with that.

Helpless (NaBloPoMo 02/14)

February 2, 2014: "Helpless"
Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?

I think I mentioned in an earlier blog that I was let from a job that I had at a church working with disabled men & women. I met all expectations of the job, however, they then wanted me to become a commercial van driver to transport clients.

As I suffer from anxiety, this was completely out of the question. I explained time & time again that I would not feel such taking on such task, yet my words fell on deaf ears. I was called in, given an excellent 90 review, but was released to 'for not having the ability to adapt.'

I never felt more helpless in my life. This is a job where it was constant instant gratification and love. I looked forward to going & drug me feet when time to leave. Anxiety is a real, paralyzing condition and for someone to look at me in such a way really hurt.

The only thing I could do was take it to God, accept it and realize that He has a different path for me. Trusting and believe.

Peace & light :-)

Sunday

"He sends forth springs in the valleys; they flow between the mountains" ~ Psalms 104:10

Something about the water moves me. I could sit near & watch it for hours. The movement, the sounds, the rushing, the certain path it flows in. And how amazing that something so soft has the power to take entire cities down, yet God is merciful and just.

Namaste :-)

The Sunday Community

Hello!!!

Hey friends! I'm still here. I know it's been awhile, but I've been spending so much time outside amongst my flowers that I haven't been motivated to write. Not that I have anything going on, but I thought I'd touch base.

I'm still unemployed. I have to admit, I haven't been searching that hard. I'm still trying to figure out what is good for me, but still avoiding any type of law firm. I applied to a couple of administrative jobs; one I didn't get, the other I haven't heard back yet. Trusting God to lead me in the right direction.

My son has been connected with a mentor that gives him four hours per week. This makes both of us feel so much better; he's getting out with "the fellas", and I have time to myself without worrying about having to drive him. So far, they've been to a couple of movies, a football game, The Hall of Fame, etc. We are blessed.

Dahlia #1 in kitchen table sunset

 A couple of weeks ago, I ran into an ex-co-worker at a downtown art studio. It didn't occur to me that she was selling her art until after we screamed & hugged. Lol. She told me after having more employers after we last saw each other, she went back to school for four years & got her degree in Graphic Design, and started doing her art. She makes beautiful colorful collages from magazine pages! Who would've thought?? Framed and matted, they make good abstract art.

Dahlia #2 in kitchen table sunset

Her message to me was to:

• never work for another law firm; they're the most disrespectful, entitled, shit-rolls-down-hill (right into your lap), self-esteem breaker type of places;
• find pleasure in doing what you love to do and make that your living. 

While Brenda isn't working right now, she's still in school and selling her art. She loves going to school & said she wishes there was a way she be could paid for being an eternal student. But the thing that got me was: she is very, very happy.

Namaste

The Best

Believing in my faith

takes me to a place

where worries are moot

and can be given the boot

because I prayed for a change

for things to rearrange

and He knows my heart

knows I need a new start

No time to panic, nor to be glum

When I truly believe

the best is yet to come

~ me

Picture: me

Carry One Tuesday phrase; "the best is yet to come"

Sunday

2 Peter 3:8 - But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day [is] with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

I love Mitch Albom's books. They're always filled with such positive messages. I finished this one last night. Such a great reminder about time:

1. "Our time" and God's time are no where NEAR similar to each other
2. We are spiritual beings having a human experience
3.  Treasure the moments you are given
4. Never wish for more time
5. Or less time
6. Everything will be exactly when it is supposed to be
7. God measures our minutes on Earth to make us appreciate them

Amen :-)
Sunday Scribbling

Sunday

Elisha - A Tale of Two Vessels

"... The jar had to be empty: Obviously the only thing that stops a vessel being filled is if it is already filled with something else! So Elisha instructed the lady to get empty jars. The Bible speaks of us being filled with the Holy Spirit. But it also speaks of the emptying process that allows us to be in a state to be filled and used by God. We need to be emptied of pride and self dependence to be filled by God. That is the message of 2 Cor 4. Firstly, it speaks of God’s light (the oil giving light of the Holy Spirit) being in our little vessel:

“For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

And secondly it goes on to show the ‘emptying’ process that occurs so that we can be filled with the Lord’s life and power..."

Amen and Amen :-) 

The Sunday Community

Sunday

Being thankful for quiet days....

"When I give you no special guidance, stay where you are. Concentrate on doing your everyday tasks in awareness of My Presence with you.  The Joy of My Presence will shine on you, as you do everything for Me. Thus you invite Me into every aspect of your life.  Through collaboration with Me in all things, you allow My Life to merge with yours. this is the secret not only of joyful living but also of victorious living. I designed you to depend on Me moment by moment, recognizing that apart from Me you can do nothing.

Be thankful for quiet days, when nothing special seems to be happening.  Instead of being bored by the lack of action, use times of routine to seek My Face.  Although this is an invisible transaction, it speaks volumes in spiritual realms.  Moreover, you are richly blessed when you walk trustingly with Me through the routines of your day."

Jesus Calling, April 13th, Colossians 3:23; John 15:5 & Psalm 105:4

This touched me in such a way - I'm always "concerned" about not knowing if I'm "doing what I should be doing." This reading told me that it's okay to not always be "in action", but to be thankful for quiet days. And also to use the "I'm bored" times to turn my attention fully to Jesus. This was right on time. Thank you, Sweet Heavenly Father.

Sunday Community

Let It Shine

Turquoise Swallow-Tailed Finches

I feel my very best when I take good photos. I feel appreciative & blessed when folks comment on them. When 'they' say, 'why aren't you selling these?', or 'why don't you have a website?', or 'you're a professional & you don't even know it.' ....

Then I feel nervous. Lol. I used to say 'oh, it's the camera; it does all the work - I just point the camera.' But I couldn't be further from the truth. Nearly everyone in my family owns a camera, yet not many of us even touch them. So no, they couldn't just pick up the camera & it would do all the work.

There is a reason why I retrace my steps when I shoot; there is a reason I get closer; step back; zoom in, then out; turn this way, then that; get on my knees or on a chair; chase the sun, along with the shade, run outside in my "pj's", hang out a window, stand in the middle of the street, steady myself, hold my breath, go out in the rain and/or the snow. Spend hours downloading, editing, printing, turning prints into hand-made photo cards.

The reason: Because I want everyone to see exactly what I saw at that moment.

Which then makes me a photographer (nervous giggle). The next time folks ask if I am that; I will say, yes, I am a photographer, with confidence.

How to market me? Major suggestions have been: create a portfolio, create a business card, get a website (or should I reactivate my "Flickr" account & use that?); get an email page separate from my personal email. I started (very barely) an Etsy page, but shy away from when it comes to the thought of handling folks credit cards (YIKES!!). I need to get away from thinking, 'but there are tons of pictures 'like these' out there - what makes mine different?"

I need to listen to my 'shine' trying to come through. What have I got to lose? Time will past at any rate, right? :-)

"picture taken on a morning drive to Sippo Lake. perfect!"

Sunday

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. ~ Revelation 3:20

The other day when leaving the house, I was approached by three young men. They were going door to door asking if anyone needed prayer. I told them I did and the four of us stood right there & they prayed for me. One young man then gave me a pamphlet inviting anyone & everyone to his home for worship and a meal. I was so touched & by their generosity. He lives right around the corner from me - 'the blue house w/the yellow pick up truck.' I knew it immediately. His 'church' is called "Radial Church' where folks rotate at each other's homes for worship and food. How great is that?

Now every time I turn the corner, my eyes immediately go to the blue house/yellow pickup & I smile. I smile at goodness, kindness, compassion, prayer, faith and trust. Blessings abound.

Amen :-)

The Sunday Community

Sunday

He was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification.  Romans 4:25

While visiting w/mom, my bro & sis-n-law, my mom asked would we have had the strength to stay on the cross. Especially when we would've had any chance to free ourselves at any moment. Jesus knew what his purpose was when he was born. What a mighty sacrifice of a Father to ask of his Son out of love for wretches like me.

Amazing Grace. :-)

The Sunday Community

Quiet Sign Friday

"God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son."
- John 3:16

Quiet Sign Friday

Friday Fill-Ins

Happy Good Friday to all that believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins today. I sure do and am beyond thankful. How do you ever give enough thanks for someone who died for you? By letting Him live in your heart, forever :-)

Friday Fill-In time. My answers are in bold. Here we go!!!

1. If I could go anywhere on a road trip, I'd go to Savannah/Tybee Island, Georgia.
2. Racism is something I don't understand.
3. Easter makes me think of a time when it was all about having your "outfit & hair, just right"
4. Reading is the best way to relax!
5. It looks like Spring is slowly arriving.
6. Strawberries is one of my favorite healthy snacks.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to meeting my baby niece from the West Coast for the first time, tomorrow my plans include spending time with the baby, my brother & sister-n-law, and Sunday, I want to spend more time with said baby & family!


Pictures: by me - "Chalk Walk" from last year's First Friday
Friday Fill-Ins

Testing, testing...

James 1:2-3 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

Well, friends, time to share. Last Friday 3/22/13 @ 3:25 p.m., I was let go from my job of 11 years. If you've read here before, you know I've mentioned that my workplace was going down, so I somewhat wasn't surprised. Even when I was told "this isn't working out," I wasn't surprised.

Over the weekend, it felt very surreal, especially on Sunday night when I had nothing to prepare for. I filed an unemployment claim online (wow - times have changed since my last firing, Lol). I am prayerful, but I know if any decision is left to my ex-employer, he will deny any attempts. They barely wanted to give employees money (no raises in 7 years), let alone someone who no longer works there.

Prayers, inhaling, then exhaling.

So in these few days, I've done nothing. And I mean nothing. My feelings at first were: failure, what am I really meant to do, etc. Everyone says take time, rest, create, be productive, however, I still feel a heavy weight. My aura is dull. Thinking of finances overwhelms me right now.

I'm still getting  up each morning as 6:00 a.m. to make sure son is out the door & to take my dogs out, so there's no sleeping in. Once I hit the coffee pot & get online, I'm awake. There are plenty of things I could do around the house, but cleaning just isn't in me right now. I feel very tired. Last night, I shut off all things electronic, laid 'cross my bed in total silence & read 3 magazines, cover to cover.

I look at my mess of a desk with all it's inks, stamps, cards, etc., & can't find the groove to create anything right now. A friend suggested that it being springtime, that I hit up all the local nurseries as my love for people & all things flowers would be good for me. At first I got super-excited at the thought, then my mind wandered back to finances.

I truly do not want to go back to the office setting; especially law firms. I've been the office worker for 20+ years. So much attitude, arrogance, pettiness, gossip, mean-ness, blaming; I just want out of all that. Being a Walmart greeter or a cashier @ a grocery story sounds pretty good about now.

I don't know where this new road will take me, but for right now, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I haven't done anything more than wash my face, brush my teeth, shower & that's it. My hair is wondering what the heck am I gonna do with it. (Lol) I haven't touch it in days aside from running my fingers through it. I just have no energy. I think perhaps still a little numb.

Peace, be still.

Animals

Looking for Spring

I believe that animals exist to…

"Milo", who right after this shot, dove into the pond after the geese!!

• teach us that to worry is useless
• and that our needs will always be provided
• and that love is all we need
• and to see the kindness in others
• and to love unconditionally
• and to run & fly freely
• and to, when feeling unsure,
• to get close, nuzzle & reassure