November??? Seriously???

I didn't realize I had not posted one damn thing since September here. Where have I been? Where was I the entire month of October?

I've been right here. I've come to this blank page many times but the words got jumbled in my head so I left. And left. And kept leaving.

1990

2017

• In two days, my son will be 30 years old! A co-worker told me he didn't think I was more than 35 years (I'll pay him off later) His growth into a beautiful, gentle, humble man who happens to have Autism is just a testament that time goes on; whether you know what you're doing or not. I still to this very moment am not sure in my parenting skills, but here we are.

• It's been six months since I've been @ the store and I still love it. Of course you run into folks who are miserable in their lives and want to spread the misery, but I repel that shit like roach spray. I recommend everyone do the same.

• The sibs and I are still keeping a close watch on mom. You never know what will go on from one day to the next w/her dementia. I discovered B-12 deficiency can be a major factor in easing/slowing the effect of "D". I vaguely remember mom's doctor telling us that and recommending shots to which she said 'to hell with THAT!' So .... here we are: nowhere.

• Summer is done and shut down. I have a few plants left that are fighting the good fight w/this 40degree weather. I'll let them go until the frost obliterates them because as long as they still have color & act like they want to live, I say let 'em live.I found that the ones that lasts are the ones I planted from seed. #natural #nature

Nasturtium

Zinnias

• The clocks fall back this Saturday/Sunday morning. Booo.... only because it will get dark @ "early o'thirty." That feeling that always makes you feel like you should have on your pajamas & refuse to go back outside, even though its only 5:27 p.m. Uggh...

Me.

• Otherwise, my life is still what it is. I haven't traveled anywhere, done anything exciting or written any novels worthy of Oprah's Book Club List. 😋😆 I still watch YouTube vids. for practicing the guitar (so relaxing), still 'dabble' in trying to stay creative & staying humble. I guess for now, this is my place in this life.

Namaste.

Face Stencils by me, titled "Mother & Daugher"

Mid-Summer

This has been how I've spent the majority of my summer days. Just when I'm dragging about getting there; once I'm there - it's pretty amazing. Especially with these great summer evenings.

Another lesson on learning to be in the moment.

Wants vs. Needs

With time, Life becomes more about your needs instead of your wants...

I took it upon myself to buy son a small flat screen for his room this Christmas. As I have mentioned before, son is autistic and his view of the world is very, very, different from ours. We should be so fortunate.

First off, he didn't know what it was! Yes, in the world of the fastest, best, easiest electronics, son is completely unaware. He was never interested in video games, nor cell phones or anything but the basics. When it came time to check out the new TV, he said 'but I already HAVE a TV.' I thought with him being a 26 year old guy, he would want to update his room just a wee bit, but again, I was wrong.

I tried pointing out how the TV has a built-in DVD player, etc., etc., etc., only to have him ask me, 'does it have a remote?' As I made over all the features, I could see his face lose interest. Bottom line: he's happy with what he has & doesn't see the need for anything newer, flatter, 'better.'

Is this another lesson? I found that it is. How much of our wants do we mistake for need? He doesn't NEED a new TV, yet he also doesn't WANT a new TV. Prior to Christmas, I've been aching for an iPad. Why? I have a full scale PC that I'm using right now. Suddenly, my want for the newest, thinnest, fastest contraption, waned. Do I NEED that? Certainly not; do I WANT that? No so much anymore.

This lesson from son has been on my mind since Christmas day. The new TV still sits under the tree, totally untouched; the receipt on my dresser. I'm not sure where it belongs now.

Randoms & Sunrises

"Backyard sunrise"

"Being a passenger"

Sunrise in motion

I was a passenger this morning so I had a chance to shoot a couple of sunrise shots out the window. It was magnificent.

Son will be 25 on the 5th of next month. We have been having 'adult' issues with him re: s-e-x. I often have to remind myself, even though he is autistic, he IS a grown young man, so it's been a rather delicate thing to handle. I knew the day would come & I hope I'm guiding him in the right direction. This is usually a father/son
issue, but as I am both, I did my best. Lol. Sigh...

I have 4-1/2 days of vacation I need to take before my 11th year anniversary on the 29th, so next week, I will work 1/2 a day, then be off the rest of the week. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping to organize myself photo-wise, craft-wise, reading wise, slowly break down the yard/patio/porch for the winter & spend some time with mom.

But mostly I'm hoping to relax, slow down & bask in the glow of not having any place to be. :-)

"It is important from time to time to slow down, to go away by yourself, and simply be."
--Eileen Caddy

Pictures: me 

My joy

Tall, handsome & beautifully autistic

This is my son, James. He is my joy because:

• he sees the goodness in everything
• he sees the bright side of everything
• he is honest (painfully - LOL)
• he only wants to please
• he only wants to be part of the team
• he brings happiness to whoever is around him
• he has a child-like vision of the world
• Matthew 18:3: And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
• he is so going to heaven
• he is most polite
• he is most kind
• he is most gentle
• he is always forgiving
• he is always willing to help
• he is always most happy, and when he's not, you have to really dig to find out why
• he made me really grow up immediately at the age of 24 when he was born
• he changed my world view
• he changed my behavior
• he made me let go of any poor thoughts I had of his father, my ex-husband, even though he has no memory of who his father is
• he keeps me even keeled
• he's accepting, even though he may be dissappointed
• he encourages me to buy him things, only because he never asks for anything. But Skittles
•  he thinks every day is a beautiful day & says so every morning
• when I slip a curse word or 2 (or 12), he tells me "it's inappropriate"
• don't let this serious face fool you - he has a smile as big as the sun
• he is unconditional love

Thanks, God. :-)

Picture by: me

Caution: Random Crossings

WHAT A GORGEOUS DAY it is today. After the heat & rain of yesterday, the temps have gone back down into high 70's, not a cloud in the sky & I can barely wait to get out of the office!

Over the weekend of June 8-10th, Son will be going to Adult Weekend Camp. We got the list in the mail of items he'll need to bring which translates into nearly everything you would need in life! He's so excited, and I'm excited for him to experience staying away from home for a couple of days & nights.

My sister &; her fiance threw a wonderful summer kick off cook-out @ their home over Memorial holiday; what will be their ongoing tradition. My mom has (or used to have) the "Hot Dog Extravaganza" every summer, my other sister has the "Ohio State/Michigan Party" every Fall, and now the Summer Kick-off. I don't have a theme for anything, but I do invite folks to my porch & patio. Nothing to write home about, but it' cozy.

 I think it sounds funny to say that I'm soon to be 49 years old. I can remember when I was 17, I used to look @ myself in the mirror & ask myself, 'wonder what will I look like when I'm 25, then 30. I don't know what I thought I would 'morph' into, but I'm pretty happy with myself. I still feel like a teenager inside even if the ole body tries to tell me differently.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up... :-)

I wish I had a "Busha" (Polish for Grandmother), or a grandmother, preferably one with some spunk.  We have an 89-year old client who goes dancing twice a week w/her boyfriend. She's always dressed to the hilt & exudes so much life & spark! She would be such a positive influence on me.

The on the other hand, I wish my neighbors were the gay couple of Modern Family. No offense to anyone, but men whom are gay are the most honest, upbeat, positive, 'live your best life' type of people. My mom always told me they're the best friend you could ever have & I believe it. They're comfortable w/themselves & not afraid to show it. I saw a couple @ the nursery truly GUSHING over the beauty of a Calla Lily. It made me smile.

And I think we'd be great neighbors. :-)

Suspended Reality

On the side of the road; the sunrise through the cat o' nine's

Happy 'not really spring, yet'! We're 12 days into March with little to no present or past snow to speak of. Daffodils and Crocuses are all over the place. Yesterday, Son & I took the first annual walk of 'not spring.' Since I took over 90 pictures, I ask you to please take a quick sec & check only 50 'em here. Lol. When you get there, hit "Album Options/View Slideshow/" These shots are a few of them; I called the album "Signs of Spring' to catch everyone coming out of hibernation.
There were dog walkers, roller-bladers, bike riders, plenty of strollers, couples, grills, mini-picnics, motorcycles. etc. It's kinda hard to take pictures of folks without them looking right at you. I usually act like I'm focusing on something else :-)

I was surprised to see bees gathering pollen already. The willow is budding in the back & there's a stray grey cat hanging around, screaming to get inside for some reason. Don't know what it is about my house, but the dogs ain't feelin' the cat. At all. :-\
Otherwise, I'm back to driving again. The anxiety attacks are still underlying, but very mild. I feel more comfortable driving the smaller car for some reason. I had my first meeting with "Dr. Julie", the psych the doctor recommended. It was so/so; I did all the talking & basically told her everything I KNOW I need to do. She told me I had great insight. She's also a very faith-based counselor, so I felt good about that right off the bat. We're every other week for now.

Dr. J also told me I needed to treat myself more kindly, delegate & lose the guilt I'm drawn to. Today when I woke up & started the Monday routine, I realized how exhausted I truly am. I visualized total chaos at work & opted to give myself rest instead. I took a vacation day, laid down & woke up 3-1/2 hours later.

Having rested in total suspended reality.

"Son - my walking buddy"

Sunday Scribbling word prompt: suspended reality

Soaring with the eagles

Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out. ~Art Linkletter

We were to travel 2 hours out of town this afternoon for Son's basketball game. I am trying to keep my sneezes & sniffles from becoming worse than they are, so I told Son that we wouldn't be able to make the game. He was clearly disappointed, yet he said "it's okay - my team will handle it for me." Then that 'single mama/single child' syndrome kicked in (again) and I insisted on buying him something for not making the game. He thought & thought and finally he said. "I'll just take some Skittles."

He's amazing.

And the wind beneath my wings.

Taste the rainbow :-)

Have a cozy Saturday, all.

Picture by: me