"March"-ing On

Well, it seemed like January lasted for 75 days, February lasted 2 and now March is here. My town didn't get a lot of snow this Winter, but the temps were simply brutal. I can handle cold; that's what they make the 'big coat', lovely squishy warm scarves and cute gloves for. Folks complained like it was something new. 😖

I've been reading over @ "Substack" a lot lately and today I created a profile. I don't know how often I'll write over there since I love my space here and have had it for-ever. But I was moved by the positivity and community and felt like I wanted to be a part of it. Then the introverted part of myself told me to post here. My fave writer there (so far) is "Alex Elle" and she's created a challenge called "joy spotting." I think it's the coolest. I didn't commit to join in but the idea is novel. 

I've been off work for 3 consecutive days (forced vacay) and it's so nurturing. Days off are usually Thursday/Sunday so it's nice to wake up on my own, sit in the quiet (TV rarely gets turned on) and let my mind wander. I've been trying to give my place the love it doesn't get when I'm working and I definitely feel like it's giving me a hug back. 🤗

Here're some 'joy spots' from this morning.

New diffuser. Me & the plants love it.

Yes, it's crooked. Lol. I fixed it, but you need much more than love.

"The Coffee Station." Coffee sign is placemat from Dollar Tree.

I don't know why I love things that SAY what they are.

Seeeee???????

Love how the rising sun lights up 'the jungle.' So do they.

Forgot I had this. Putting it to work.

I hope you find your spots of joy daily and embrace them. Gratitude is an amazing feeling.

Until next time ... 💋

Three Hundred Sixty-Three Days

 

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"

As surreal as it still seems, my son has been gone from Earth for 2 days short of a year today. 

Time has soften the blow but the wind can still be knocked from my sails at any moment, at any time. I let myself roll w/the tide when it comes, letting myself cry until I'm short of breath w/a blinding headache. 

Then once it passes, I always thank God for his Master Plan, for taking away all suffering and for blessing me by letting me 'borrow' this sweet soul for 36 years. He changed my life in ways that are too numerous to count. I always like to say he raised me instead of me raising him. So much truth to that.

My usual day off is Thursday, but this week it (ironically) falls on Wednesday, the 4th, which is the day James took Jesus' hand and off to Heaven they went. It's been hard to kick memories of him leaving me and how bad it was, but my heart has learned to 'be still' & know that God orchestrates all things for the good. I know James is in a wonderful place, doing wonderful things and is filled w/happiness & joy & that pretty much gets me thru each day.

So, on that note, I don't know how I will honor my love 2 days from now. But whatever it is, it will be done with love.

Thanks for reading.

Day By Day

"Day by Day

Day by Day

Oh, Dear Lord

Three things I pray

To see thee more clearly

Love thee more dearly

Follow thee more nearly

Day by day" ~ Robin Lamont

I'm still adjusting to this 'new normal' of being by myself. I'm actually loving the HELL out of it, even tho, of course, I miss my son with such intensity. I sometimes (i.e., a lot) sit in silence, in awe, of his/our journey of his illness. And how I knew his would end if I lived to see it, and I did. He'll always be so close. At times I can accept the peace, other times I cry so hard, I get sleepy & need to nap. Riding the wave of grief is letting it toss me around as it does while I hang on. Day. By. Day.

Love & light.

Best News of the Day

Hey, folks.

Sister #1 has decided to take Sister #2 up on the offer of renting mom's house!!!!

My heart was so overjoyed @ this news.

This means we don't have to rush to get the remaining weird crap outta the house (we still will - there's just no deadline rush).

This means we don't have to put mom's fancy clothes, hats, etc., in storage until it is decided what it to be done with them.

This means the house with the great patio/backyard will stay in the family and we will continue to celebrate there.

This means the Yellow Maple planted in the backyard honoring my brother's memory will continue to have our eyes adore it.

This means Sister #1 will be a HOMEOWNER (as opposed to a townhouse renter).

This means we will still have a reason to go to that side of town (the North East).

This means Sister #1 will take a lovely home and put her lovely touches to it.

This means.....God is always right on time.

All the time.

Peace.

Checkin' In

You turn your back for one minute and another month passes. Hello Ms. March!

03/06/18, 6:15 p.m. backyard sunset by: Me

• I'm finding it hard to believe this June will mark ONE YEAR of my being at the store.
• Nothing more in life has been happening here. I haven't been to Italy, Greece, The Coastal Georgia Islands or any place else that's been on my bucket list forever. Often times I wonder if I'll ever get to any of those places.
• I feel like I live a very quiet life which is cool, but at times can be quite maddening. This lovely quote comforts me in some way:

"Solitude" by: Me

• On the reading front: "A Confident Heart" has become another one of my favorites. I love my faith, God and any good reading that makes me feel even more grateful in my gratitude walk
• "The Story of Arthur Truluv", because I love anything Elizabeth Berg writes
• "They Left Us Everything" because I love a good memoir and it kinda reminds me of what my sibs and I will have to face with mom...
• "Happier At Home" because who doesn't want their home to be simple, comfortable and full of love?
• "Living In Full Bloom" because I'm all in for books that share how to live in constant bloom; and
• "Daughters of Men" perhaps because I didn't have a father/daughter relationship in my life and I love reading about Black Women who do/did

On the art front: Paint chip butterflies on canvas board, hot glue on canvas board covered in foil and polished w/black shoe polish, my contribution to Valentine's Day (acrylic paint on canvas board), and "Loretta and Devine" (named after the amazing Loretta Devine), my first time with Orchids. Side note: "Loretta" is THRIVING: ALL the petals have since fallen off "Devine." 😭 Research says don't trip - she's not dead.

"Loretta"

"Devine"

 Until next time - from this quiet life.

Trybe Strong

Photo by: me

My best friend has breast cancer.

We got together @ her lovely home yesterday, she gave me this lovely journal for a Christmas gift, we talked, laughed, chatted, then she told me.

I'm not ashamed to tell ya - I'm a 'weeper.':

weep·er

ˈwēpər/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who weeps.
2. 2.

   historical

   funeral garments, in particular.

Any of the following moments can open the floodgates for me:

• when I do Bible study/meditation because I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness to God for everything - good and/or bad; 
• when a movie touches my heart
• when folks get hurt, killed, or die (which in today's world would leave me a nasty mess at all times, but there are specifics to this one)
• @ natural disasters because my heart gets overcome by the loss & sadness for others
• when I've had too much drink and the conversation turns sad or deep
• when I think of my mom these days (dementia)
• when I open my heart and receive

But not this time!!! (Huh?) I felt so powerfully faithful for my friend - not one drop of sadness or fear. Why? Because I didn't feel any of those things and 24 hours later, I still don't.

I feel like God has got this like He has everything else under the sun. Not that blessings are based on any type of our merits (cause there's nothing we can do FOR God; he just wants our love and obedience), but this just feels different. I trust God so hard in this situation that I plainly don't have one shadow of a doubt that this will all come out in line with His will, which is that my friend will go over this "speed bump" (her words) on her journey and continue to live her beautiful life.

I have a friend through Facebook that I've never met in person. She's West Coast, I'm Midwest. We exchange snail mail, she knitted me a pair of fingerless gloves just because I mentioned I wanted a homemade pair (WEEP!!!) and she's going thru the valley of breast cancer. When she told me it had returned and metastasized, I cried so hard I couldn't breathe!

But me and THIS woman? No. The only feeling I have is being there for her & her family in the best way I can. She has a huge tribe of family & friends so I'm not real sure where and when I should step in, nor what I should do, but you can bet the farm I will be there. Starting yesterday.

I have a gazillion and two, no wait - three journals, but they all pale in comparison to this one. If not tonight, tomorrow I will start journaling (the goal is daily) in honor of my girl. She bought one for herself one so we can push each other to stay on top of it. She's never journaled so maybe she can learn from me. Because I've always been 'the writer.' If I don't get my words outta my head and heart, I'd be bat shit crazy.

So here's to being part of my girl's "trybe." I've never felt more protective of her or love for her.

I am love, I am light. I am peace. I am Trybe Strong.

Photo by: me ("Blue Skies on Canvas"

Speak It

This became a reality for me over the last couple of weeks. I'll try to keep it brief.

• Went into a downtown coffee shop, saw this drawing and fell deeply in love upon sight

• I shot a pic & mentioned on FaceBook that I wished someone could draw it for me.
• I get a response from a FB friend that I've never met personally (but have been FB friends for a few years) that he could do for me - no problem
• I'm OVERWHELMED with gratitude. I mean just out of nowhere someone says, 'yeah... I can do that....'
• We haggle over price; well, I haggled - he told me he would do it, send it & let me decide what to pay him
• Now... clearly he doesn't know that I am clueless with that much power. Hell, I don't even know how to charge my OWN photography, let alone put a price on someone else's
• He keeps me posted on his progress, saying he wanted to find or build a frame
• I'm FREAKING over this much generosity. I mean... DYING
• Today...... this arrived

Original by S. Blakely

SERIOUSLY?????? All it took was the 'speaking' of it? Or that he thinks I'm pretty cool & enjoys my photography? What? Who? How? Why?

I cannot even put into words how grateful I am. When I keep thanking him profusely, he just says, 'thanks - glad you like it.'

What price do I put on this? The time he took to sketch this out on canvas, the shipping...

Oy vey.

I am abundantly blessed.

Namaste

Me and Keith Urban

Earlier this week, I bought a guitar from a co-worker. 🎸

It wasn't an impulse buy. It's been on the bucket list forever and the chance fell into my lap.

I've always wanted to learn to play. I figure 40+ years was long enough of a wait.

It's an expensive guitar, but she sold it to me for a song. No pun intended. 😀

It's a "Keith Urban" and came with a set of teaching CD's, case and a buncha cool stuff.

Last nite I practiced for an hour. It's hard work getting your fingers just right on the frets. MAJOR finger practicing is in order.

After an hour, I was frustrated but I know it'll take time.

It's not like I'm going on tour next week.

It felt so liberating to buy it on the spot. One of the perks of employment.

The Sig.Other wasn't impressed at all. I'm not sure if it was because I didn't mention it to him first or what, but whatever ails him is not my problem.

In the meanwhile, I'm working on becoming the next Nancy to Ann Wilson's "Heart" and banging out "Crazy For You."

A 'girl' guitar player.

Hellz yeah. 😎😎😎

Plant Sanity

Hey folks,

If you know me at all, you know I have a heavy flower love.

I often wish I lived in a warmer client so my flower season would last year round (I see  you, Cali)

But I adore the season change of the Midwest.

By: Me 📷

In the meanwhile, these "Zone 5" babies have been giving me life. 

The 1st 3 were grown from seed packs, The others, saved from the dead clearance rack. Much needed water and a new pot and they came alive. So many are wasted! Boooooo......😠

Dapper & Happy

Hey folks,

"Today was a good day!" ~ Ice Cube

Nothing big happened.

I just chose to find the happy in every single possible moment.

Even when I went down to social services to ask why they threatened to cut my Medicare.
It turned out to be in error so... that was a happy thing. 👏👏

Then I went to my job to get my schedule.
I love my job, so.... that was a happy thing. 👍

I sat in meditation.  I sat in God's silent presence and read his Words & felt gratitude & love.
So.... that is ALWAYS a happy thing.💗

Then, a good, sweet friend treated me to lunch. She's a former boss; we love each other like sisters.  New resty; lots of laughs & good food.
So... that's always a good, happy thing.🍲

Then I stopped @ the art supply store & picked up more canvas boards; pack of 5 for $3.00
So... that was a REALLY happy thing! 😉

Then between a few friends, I received a lot of bountiful harvest. And A LOT of Morton's Sea Salt Rubs.
So.... that made me VERY thankful, grateful and loved.

Then I came home and re-potted my gorgeous Gerbera Daisy and my Flowering Kale plants.
Plants ARE my happy, so...... you know 🌺🌻🌼

Then I cut all of my grass. I say ALL because I not only have my yard/garden, I also acquired an empty lot from the City. I like the feeling of having everything look so nice and being outside in the fresh air, sweating like a slave and being productive.
So.... that made me feel happy and accomplished. 😁

And FINALLY, a saw a gentlemen today, dressed very 'dapper', i.e., suit, hat, cane. And I told him I thought he looked so.
He replied: "AND YOU LOOK HAPPY!!! IT'S THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WHEN I LOOKED AT YOU." 👸👸

So ................... this was the theme song of my day.

It was a good day.

Find your happy in every little thing. It's truly there if you have eyes that see & ears that hear.

Catching Up, Part I

Let's see if I can recall what's been going on in life.

In the previous post, I already talked about the new job (I Think I Work There), so let's check that off the list.

I've been getting rather irritated with all forms of social media, including the news on TV and right now, just about anything electronic except my iPod. The 'Pod' is my quiet friend that holds my music (everything from Journey to Joe Sample to Adele to The Crusaders to Heart to Maxwell, etc.) and my Podcasts. It's soothing, like a book.

While the computer is so very necessary, it's all too much some days. FaceBook is the same ole thing; Twitter is too much, too fast coming at me (minute by minute thoughts), I post my pix on F.Book, so why do I need Instagram?? (I refuse), I still don't know what Snapchat is (and don't want to), and I DON'T own a Smartphone. "BREAKING NEWS" alerts & on the TV every time someone farts; if you let it, it can burn you out and make you kinda sad. Well me, anyway.

I've clearly subscribed to too much into my e-mail so I end up deleting mounds of things that become overwhelming. Even at times, the art tutorials I watch on YouTube end up making my armpits itch because 1) there are so damn many of them, and 2) since I have the attn. span of a gnat, if my 'creations' don't resemble what the artist is doing - I'm done. Grrrrr....

I'm still crazy in love with my Cannon, Sony & Nikon cameras, but without 'fresh things' to see, I'm getting tired of my own photography. It's gotten to the point that when I post, folks say - 'hey - were you at the 'so-n-so' right there? (Sigh...... so much for mystery). I need to saddle the cammies up and leave town! New things; new sights.

This is what I'm having in mind to soothe my savage beast. Mmmm..... travel. Inexpensive travel.

Yes, my shots are lovely, but how many frickin' ways can you look at a flower?

Zinnia: by me

See what I mean?

{Laughing}

I've also been reading. Let's catch up on that tomorrow. I promise I'll return. God willin' and the creek don't rise.

Hmm... I think I Might Work There....

Yeah... the 7th month. Summertime here in the midwest. And I finally found a job.

The job thing happened in a strange way. I went into a grocery store chain to check on flowers and came out with a job. Turns out, the chain is/was building a bigger, 'better' grocery and was hiring for employees to man the deli (aka the Cold Cut Counter). I was in my dirty tennis shoes, holey jeans & tank top (my typical daily summer wear), and was interviewed on the spot.

Two days later, they offered me the position. But God..... 😲

I wasn't sure it was real and didn't accept that they truly 'hired' me, even after they gave me a name tag & I started orientation. Lol. That feeling carried on even as I trained for 2 weeks and waited on customers.

So now... the new store is opening on July 12th and I'm on the schedule.

I think I work there. 👀👀

While ever place has it's round of "way too many chiefs and not enuff indians", what I like about this type of work is THE PEOPLE; THE CUSTOMERS; THE ART OF SERVING, and WORKING AS A TEAM. The art of the "Greet, Stay, Have A Nice Day" way of things. I don't know about others, but I can't have too much of a bad day when I'm smiling, telling OTHERS to have a good day when I can't seem to have one my DAMN self!!

This serves my soul better than sitting in an office where you day is dictated by the dick-head in charge's mood. Where no matter what you do, how you do it or how much of your all you give it - it's just never enuff. I won't say what I won't ever do again (because who knows?), but my pref. is being out in the open. Where I can shine.

So as I pull on my required khaki's, my red issued shirt, my name tag & slice fine meats and cheeses to the public's liking, I feel a little spark inside. Because I work there.

I think..... 🙌

July 4th; by me

Everyone Has A Story

An elder lady let me go ahead of her in the grocery line today. Since she was so kind & friendly, I inquired as to what she was going to prepare with quite a bit of pork. In the time it took for me to check out, I learned/loved of her:

• Friendly
• Kind
• 83 years old
• She still drives herself everywhere
• She wore makeup (brows, powder & lipstick)
• Her outfit was pulled together
• She loves cooking
• FROM SCRATCH
• She cooked daily for her husband and six (6) children; FROM SCRATCH
• TV dinners, if ever, were a "treat" or a "snack"
• Her adult children now cook for their families FROM SCRATCH
• She makes her own Chow-Mein
• She makes her own HANDMADE NOODLES for said Chow-Mein
• She's a pork lover; no chicken and/or beef
• She used be well-known for her pork chop dishes
• She uses bone-less pork chops & Kraut in the crock pot every year for New Year's (one of her son's favorites)
• Her mother died when she was 2 years old
• She grew up in foster homes, the longest being on a farm
• By the time she was 10 years old, she could prepare a full course meal - alone
• Folks aren't kind like they used to be
• She wished my mom a Happy Birthday!! :-)
• Her biggest fear is Alzheimer's/Dementia
• Her Aunt had Alzheimer's and it was/is a horrible condition
• She tries to stay sharp by doing what she loves
• She wished me a Happy New Year
• She hugged me

When I got to my car, hot tears streamed down my face. I felt super-blessed to have had that brief peek into her life, to have met her. But on the other hand, I felt truly bad for mom. My mother was NEVER a bubbly, conversation-starter, friendly person, but when I looked at this lady one year younger than mom, and still so full of life.....

Today, I was definitely in the right place at the exact right time. And I thank God for that.

Peace.

Beautiful, vibrant stranger (Google Image)

2015

I've been needing to get stuff out of my head into this space for such a while, that now I can't put words together! It's good to be back in my little piece of the world after being offline since mid-November. To catch up: Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Valentine's Day and Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Now, back to me. Lol.

Things are going along, with or without me. The status of my house is still in the air. I've worried myself over it so long that I've just given it to God. Worrying doesn't fix or add anything to the situation. Actually, I've come to a calming peace about it.

March 23rd was three years that I've been out of work. I won't dwell on that one right now.

Mom is becoming increasingly forgetful, which is good considering she's 82 years. I cannot put into words the way I feel about watching her lose herself. She also seems increasingly sad. I mean she was never a happy person anyway, but now she can't find the joy in anything.

I'm very patient with her though. She may ask the same question 4 times w/in 20 minutes, but it's okay. She's still beautiful and still getting around, so there is much to be thankful for.

I've been reading TONS of books and magazines over these months. I should've made a list to share. I picked up this little cutie; it so fits me :-)

Spring has arrived!! I already see signs of plants returning after a brutal cold winter. It's always amazing how God does everything in His own time. There is a time and season for everything, and He's always right on time. "To everything turn, turn, turn........"

Peace & light.

"Meal"

I'm an old fashioned chick. I LOVE to cook. I'm not too keen on eating a huge meal, but I love watching others enjoy. I think the detail of marinating, chopping, slicing, dicing, mashing, steaming, frying & making a good presentation of dinner is important. No matter how menial it is, I try to make it look 'pleasing.' Plus, it gives me time to sip a cocktail and go inside my own thoughts w/no interruption. Bliss.

Old fashioned cornbread from cornmeal. Cast iron is the best.

Two boxes of Pumpkin bread mix I didn't know existed.

Hand "smashed' potatoes w/garlic, pepper & butter

Steamed Brussel sprouts. I am addicted. Lightly buttered w/parsley

Crunchy skin courtesy of a touch of Balsamic vinegar marinade.

Sunday Scribblings prompt: "meal"
Internet courtesy

Summer Update, Part VI

Beautiful childhood friend, Lori!!!

"Frick 'n Frack", together again :-) (Excuse my look - it was the wine. Lol)

A childhood friend that I reconnected with on Facebook a few years ago showed up at my door. We literally had not seen each other since we were maybe 12/13. After talking on F.Book about what types of wine we like, she showed up about 2 days later, with no notice, with that exact bottle of wine! And what makes this visit so much more special, is that Lori is a breast cancer survivor!!! I followed her journey all the way to her wellness - she is now cancer free!!! So needless to say her journey from Florida to Ohio was all the more special. We are so blessed!!