September Song

 

The "Harvest"

Well, here we are in the last week of September. I can't even express about time flying. It's an old cliche that holds endless truth. In this neck of my woods, we had a drought that seemed endless. I loved the blue skies/sunshine/tolerable temps, but I sure missed the rain and a good overcast day. My newly planted grass (again) went straight to hell. Also, hand-watering 'the jungle' of about 30 potted plants, the 'garden on wheels', the flower bed, keeping the bird baths full became ... 😧. But it's all good. I'll miss it when winter comes.

So, the picture of the Harvest produced more than I thought. It was just something to try since I don't have any place to do an inground garden. SURPRISE!!! It gave just enough for me. I even got a few green peppers. It was fun eating the sun-kissed 'matoes' straight off the vine with the salt shaker in hand. Lol. Childhood revisited.

Beautiful table by Dollar Tree

Break bread together

"Ladies Luncheon", 09/2025

My two sisters & my niece are keeping monthly lunches @ each other's homes going strong. OMG, how did we not know how much we all needed this in our lives!! It started w/Sister #2 saying (last December), 'why don't you have lunch @ your house for us?' (It was one year since my guys passed away) And from there it's gone full circle with my turn being in December again. Living in the mid-west, we have to make adjustments for what the weather will do since Sis#2 lives an hour away. So this is how the dates usually end; we're full of good food, drinks, music, medicinals, conversation and so much love. (I'm on the far right looking ...... questionable at best. LOL!)

And now I have three

So.... I added two more guitars to my one and I couldn't be happier. The total price of these two came to a whopping EIGHTY-SEVEN DOLLARS!!! The Mandolin was from a Resale shop going out of business, the second from the lady working there that casually mentioned she'd sell me her daughter's brand new guitar (the daughter moved to England & started a band!! Very cool). I was BEYOND excited. The Mandolin is missing two strings, reconstruction would be $$ out the ass, so it's just lovely decoration. It's VERY old. #score 

A Fall Walk

One Sunday morning, I walked the park near my house. There's always something very beautiful there to see. It's Dahlia season here and they did not disappoint. I was also happy to see the 'nature frame' that lives in the gardens year round is still being decorated according the season. God was everywhere! 😇

Otherwise, everything is going okay. I'm abundantly blessed, peaceful and thankful beyond words. In December, it'll be 2 years since my son and partner left earth. The grief for my son will never go away and I still have uncontrollable sobs and sadness at him not being with me, but I know where he is and know that I'll see him again. I remember after he died, then the partner, I went on a weekly binge of totally clearing out the house. I put so much out with the trash that the garbage guy asked if I was moving. Lol. I wanted no trace of the partner ever having been here (which is pure denial since it was over 30+ years), but we were SO unhappy and I put my life so on hold.

I remodeled the bathroom myself and made everything the way I needed to make MYSELF happy. The 'gung-ho-ness' of turning son's room into my craft room fell by the wayside. You can't call it a craft room if you haven't crafted in a few years. The lovely paint is still in the unopened cans, etc. I did manage to patch/spackle two holes but that's it. I haven't even sanded them down. Sometimes I wonder 'where am I mentally/creatively?' Seems the only thing I can accomplish is working everyday.

Lastly, I'm still 'seeing' my guy, if you can call it 'seeing.' We met four years ago when he was a customer @ the store. I was completely stricken with his kindness, looks (yes), he grew up on a farm, drove truck for 50 years and us sharing the same faith. He's a caretaker to his much older wife (which I totally respect) and he's 11 years older than me. I think when we met, my son's health was spiraling and I had NO support from the partner. Not that he (partner) didn't completely love my son (since the age of 2 or 3), but he had no clue on how to support me in my sadness, anxiousness and fear. In fact, he was downright harsh & mean which led me to have to verbally attack him. It drove the already truck-sized wedge between us deeper. In hindsight, he was sick and afraid as well which led to his death by massive heart attack while I was at work 17 days after my son's passing. I just wish we could have shared the kindness I was trying to give. Oh well ...

Then came my guy who was, if nothing else, cognizant of what I was going thru. If for nothing else to let me cry, sob, laugh, listen, console, pray and keep him updated on my son. From the hospital, to the nursing home, back to the hospital and finally to the passing.

We don't see each other often but we talk/text everyday, and this is good enough for me. I love my new space and my own company. He came into my life in the middle of quite a storm. Sometimes I wonder do we really love each other like we say or was I desperate for someone gentle and/or was he curious about a Black woman. We are TOTALLY NOT the same politically and there's things he never knew about my culture that makes me wonder. We never talk politics (I'm not politically correct in any way and avoid talking it like the plague), but we do share our faith. It wasn't coincidence that he walked up to my counter one Sunday, four years ago, after leaving church.

He's a great guy though, but I hope his wife lives forever. 😁

Thanks for reading whoever you are. Happy Autumn!!

The Power of ...

 

Silence

Silence can make us nervous thinking we need to fill the void, but there is immense strength in silence. All sounds, from a whisper to a classical symphony, arise out of silence and disappear into silence. But silence is always there beneath sound and is the space where sound can exist. We tend to think of silence as the absence of sound, but silence has its own weight and quality. When you listen to silence, you can perceive its intense depth and power. Taking the time to experience silence calms the mind and rejuvenates the body. Silence is the void where we can hear the many sounds that we often ignore — the voice of our intuition telling us the truth, the sound of the breeze blowing, the hum of the radiator, and the noises we make just because we are alive. One way to experience silence is to wake up before the rest of the world has come alive. Try not to move into activity, and leave off the lights, radio, and television. Sit still and simply listen. You may hear your heartbeat or your breath, but keep your attention tuned to the silence that surrounds you. Stay this way for as long as you can, and allow the sound of silence to penetrate your body until it moves into your core. Feel the gentle, pulsing waves of silence and allow it to cleanse you. Five minutes of communing with silence can leave you feeling vibrant and connected to the universe. At night, choose a moment after everyone around you has retired and tune in to silence. You can also experience silence throughout the day. Even in the midst of activity, moments of silence are always present. Usually we ignore or feel nervous around silence and try to fill these moments with sound. Yet silence is always there — vast, potent, and available for us to step into any time we choose. ~ Daily Om As I settle into adjustment of this new silence, I appreciate this article.

This New Year

 Happy New Year!!!!! It sounds funny to say "2024", but we'll get used to it just like the years prior to this one. There has been no truer statement than "time flies." I wish everyone peace, good health and good .... everything.

But on the other hand, should you have adversity in life (and you WILL), I wish you the strength and faith to stay patient and let God work it out beside you/with you/for you. In HIS time. Not yours (ours).

Photo Credit: Alicia Rose Temple

Going into the new year of living alone is interesting at best. I love my peace but I must keep productive. It's easy to fall into TV/social media land, but I like to keep moving. I've made changes to things I've been wanting to do - things that I don't have to hear any feedback about. Things that have needed to 'go' for years but stayed because of resistance from the Sig. Other. So liberating. 👍

Today is the first day the doctors actually said the words "BRAIN. DEAD" re: the Sig. Other. If I haven't said this before, I believe he was gone on the 23rd when his heart failed him but 'protocols' needed to be followed. I feel sad that he is being kept in this 'limbo' state as his children fumble their ways thru what to do. He would be LIVID if he knew he was being kept alive. It was something he said over the years on the regular. Hopefully, he will be peacefully released soon. It's been WAY too long, in my opinion. 😔

I knew my son was leaving earth, but I never dreamed I would lose both him & the Sig. Other in the same month, 20 days apart. It's still extremely surreal. But still I rise. (Maya Angelou)

So ... on those notes, I'm still stumbling around in a semi-very functional fog. Work keeps me on my toes, which I love. It's a challenge daily, even after 7 years. But good. I meet A. LOT. of nice folks. Yep - they're still out there 😊 My mornings and evenings are very quiet. I talk and/or read out loud to myself a lot. My routine so far consists of: leaving work, getting home, ginger tea, Bible study, nap (easily for at least FOUR hours), piddle around w/chores til' I need to get to bed for the next early day. It's what I need for right now.

Until next time.

Hey! It's November Already!!

Hey folks. Yeah... I'm still here. I've been to this blank page more times than I care to count so let me try to catch up.

I can't begin to put into words how fast time is flying. It really messes w/my head some days. Working crazy shifts back and forth; I usually don't know what day it is, nor the date. Everything is a blur.  AARP Mag. says this:

As I get older, time seems to just fly by. Every year seems shorter. Am I normal? 

That's normal. Blame it on how your brain marks time — through novel experiences that create memories. Growing up, you’re learning and changing and making memories. Then, as an adult, you settle down into a routine, which makes the days, weeks, months and even years start to blur. “When those days don’t change, they meld together until something — such as seeing a friend’s grown child you haven’t seen since age 2 — shocks you back into memory mode,” says British psychologist Claudia Hammond, author of Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception. To keep time from flying by, you need to deliberately create new memories, Hammond explains. “Go somewhere different and do new things this weekend. On Monday, when you look back, the weekend will feel as if it were a longer period of time.” 

Got it? ✔

The summer for me truly flew by. I worked straight thru without vacation. I grew lovely flowers, herbs, tomatoes and sunflowers in pots. Things didn't quite work out like I wished, but I'll try again next year, God willing.

Then it seems the Fall came and went so quickly. We didn't even have Indian Summer!!!! This year we had beautiful color, but lots of wind/rain, so the beauty didn't last for long. I caught what I could.

Fall is my most favorite season to shoot for obvious reasons. 😉

Still working @ and loving the store. June made a year, I got raise. 👍 I have quite a few favorite customers, especially the elderly. I love giving them time and attention. #priceless

Mom entered memory care on August 1st. Still emotional about it even though it is for the very, very best. She has adjusted; it's a nice place for her. We've been going through the process of breaking down her home to put on the market. The sibs and I already have established homes, so we didn't have a need for much of mom's stuff. And I mean she had STUFF! An entire house full of her life to be dismantled. I give ALL props to Sisters #1 and 2 for their hard work on this. We would be lost without them.

This makes me think of my own house full of STUFF! If someone had to do the same for me, they would catch the same type of hell we're catching right now! I think my books and craft things would be enuff to make someone want to strike a match. Oy vey ....

... which brings me to this book I picked up the other day from the library. I'm afraid I "keep" too many things for various sentimental reasons. I really need to let go. In gathering things from mom's, I tried to keep it "down" - only taking what I could use around the house but I took a lot of her books, etc. Just because they once belonged to her.

Alzheimer's is a bitch of a disease. It totally robs folks of their lives & memories. I don't know what stage of life mom is trapped in right now, but she's NOT in the present or even the past few years. We don't know what to talk to her about. The most we can do is listen to her talk of times we know nothing of and agree. We "lost" her nearly four years ago. It's hard. But it's life.

"Better Days"

What else?? 🤔

OH! Remember the Arbor Day Tree Photo Contest I mentioned in my LAST POST OF APRIL? (Sheesh...), well... I WON FOURTH PLACE!!! I was on a natural high for sure! I left the gallery, went straight to bar down the street, bought myself a celebratory drink, sat outside on the patio & enjoyed my few moments of fame. I was SO happy! I looked like this: 😀

Otherwise, that about sums up the past few months. Nothing exciting on the horizon; I wish I could change that but... it is what it is. I've been practicing being ' present in the moment' for the past few days; not racing ahead in my thoughts - not looking back, but being right in the moment. It's a hard practice but it's where God said to meet him - right here/right now. It feels strange, yet peaceful.

We are spiritual beings having human experiences.

Peace.

*All photos by Cuppa"T" Photography (aka: me)

Trybe Strong

Photo by: me

My best friend has breast cancer.

We got together @ her lovely home yesterday, she gave me this lovely journal for a Christmas gift, we talked, laughed, chatted, then she told me.

I'm not ashamed to tell ya - I'm a 'weeper.':

weep·er

ˈwēpər/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who weeps.
2. 2.

   historical

   funeral garments, in particular.

Any of the following moments can open the floodgates for me:

• when I do Bible study/meditation because I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness to God for everything - good and/or bad; 
• when a movie touches my heart
• when folks get hurt, killed, or die (which in today's world would leave me a nasty mess at all times, but there are specifics to this one)
• @ natural disasters because my heart gets overcome by the loss & sadness for others
• when I've had too much drink and the conversation turns sad or deep
• when I think of my mom these days (dementia)
• when I open my heart and receive

But not this time!!! (Huh?) I felt so powerfully faithful for my friend - not one drop of sadness or fear. Why? Because I didn't feel any of those things and 24 hours later, I still don't.

I feel like God has got this like He has everything else under the sun. Not that blessings are based on any type of our merits (cause there's nothing we can do FOR God; he just wants our love and obedience), but this just feels different. I trust God so hard in this situation that I plainly don't have one shadow of a doubt that this will all come out in line with His will, which is that my friend will go over this "speed bump" (her words) on her journey and continue to live her beautiful life.

I have a friend through Facebook that I've never met in person. She's West Coast, I'm Midwest. We exchange snail mail, she knitted me a pair of fingerless gloves just because I mentioned I wanted a homemade pair (WEEP!!!) and she's going thru the valley of breast cancer. When she told me it had returned and metastasized, I cried so hard I couldn't breathe!

But me and THIS woman? No. The only feeling I have is being there for her & her family in the best way I can. She has a huge tribe of family & friends so I'm not real sure where and when I should step in, nor what I should do, but you can bet the farm I will be there. Starting yesterday.

I have a gazillion and two, no wait - three journals, but they all pale in comparison to this one. If not tonight, tomorrow I will start journaling (the goal is daily) in honor of my girl. She bought one for herself one so we can push each other to stay on top of it. She's never journaled so maybe she can learn from me. Because I've always been 'the writer.' If I don't get my words outta my head and heart, I'd be bat shit crazy.

So here's to being part of my girl's "trybe." I've never felt more protective of her or love for her.

I am love, I am light. I am peace. I am Trybe Strong.

Photo by: me ("Blue Skies on Canvas"

Hello December

Photo by: me

Well, hello last month of this year. Seems when we were kids time dragged on eternally. As an adult, you revolve around paychecks/bills so that can really eat up your time. Booo... I'm tired of adulting.

It's Friday night which used to mean a lot 'back in the day.' For school, it was the weekend; as an adult, it was hitting up the clubs or meeting with friends, etc. I work on weekends now (something I've never done in my life) and I'm pretty much solo on the social scene so it's basically another night.

No frets, however. I just made a batch of the coolest Turkey and Spinach Soup. (Note the recipe calls for Kale, but I don't care for Kale - too bitter). I followed the recipe almost to the "T", except I added chicken broth instead of water, added in a green pepper to the veggies and added in a can of Cream of Chicken Soup for thick broth. It's still on the simmer right now, but the house smells great.

I'm a soup lover and in my Midwest neck of the woods when the weather turns, I need something thick and rib-sticking. Canned soups don't do that for me; they're basically a ton of salt & water so I chose to make my own. Last month, I made Chicken Soup and froze them in one serving containers which is what I'll do this time, too. Genius.

Photo by: me

'Tis also the season to decide on my Christmas card. I usually pick a photo I've taken and have them made @ Walmart. I'm thinking this one might make the cut. Today I shopped for myself and my 2 sisters. Sadly a cute little shabby-chic place is closing its doors so I found truly good deals on 'scarf necklaces' for my sisters. Forget that price you see - I got these babies for $4/each!!! Yay, me!

And to make my bedroom look just a tad less trashy, I picked this up for myself. It's tough when your bedroom is your office, studio, meditation, reading and guitar practice room. It's not a pretty place, but I'm surrounded by all things I love so.... you know.. whatever.

Otherwise, life continues to ebb and flow. Most times I'm upbeat and other times I 'go under' and feel melancholy. At those times, I'm quiet, I read a lot and do things that don't involve seeing or talking to anyone. I keep social media at arm's length as well because when I'm down, I don't need to see that shit.

I'm still 'pickin' and a grinnin' (any "Hee-Haw" fans out there?) on my beautiful guitar. My fingertips hurt but it's a good hurt. A learning hurt. After I learned a playing pattern, I did chords that changed the sound and almost wept with accomplishment! 😀 Not ready to go on tour yet, but it's coming!

Photo by: me OF me 

So until next time dear friends (or you who read this). I believe it's time for soup.

Who are You When You're Alone?

I liked this shorty from one my of faves @ "Medium", Dan Pedersen.

I marinated in this while I piddled around on this day off. I was home alone, silent and with my own thoughts. One of my most favorite places to be.

"That is the real you. Unshackled from the opinions of others or the need to dominate others for your security."

I came to the conclusion that I am the same 'me' alone that I am when I'm with others. I never feel a need to 'dominate', nor do I care of others' opinions. I don't think I 'am better' than anyone @ my job. Well all do things differently, but I would hope no one looks at me as having an ego.

I basically am who I am. 24/7.

The only thing I believe I'm guilty of when I'm alone is maybe being somewhat harsh on myself. Sometimes my thoughts lean to be critical of my flaws.

But since I'm alone, I've learned to ride the waves of whatever comes up in my head. Instead of trying to deny it, I let it be, then try to put it back where it came from or get rid of it altogether.

When I'm alone, I am:

• Quiet
• Thoughtful
• Mindful
• Meditative
• Angry
• Disappointed
• Lonely
• Thankful
• Artistic
• Creative
• Sad (sometimes)
• Heart Sick

And after I've had time to mull over those feelings, something will usually bring back to 'real life', being in the moment, then I move on.

It's only being human. And comfortable in my skin.

This is Who I Am When I Am Alone.

By: Me

Who Are You? 👀👀

Namaste.

Let me bring you up to date....

"WHERE HAVE YOU  BEEN?" is the questions I usually get from family when I 'go under.'

And you know you've been wondering, too. Don't lie to me.. Hhhaaa!!

(Go Under: when one has finally had enough of everything on her plate and chooses to go silent into ones own head; contacts no one, talks to no one & basically fills time doing photography, or making their 100th mixed media collage, and/or reading 2-3 books at one time, and always meditating on ones relationship with God (or whatever one chooses to call their higher power)

Pretty much nothing changed life-wise until I finally.... found a job. This is THEE job I thought I had been waiting three years to get. Small law-firm, even though I had no desire to go back to 'law', it was the only profession I had worked nearly all of my adult life.

About 1 month into this new venture, I realized... I had no clue what I was doing. It was hard trying to absorb the chaotic world of 'family law.' You know - the laws that had to made to curtail the behavior of lives falling apart. Divorce, dissolution, child custody, GALs (guardian ad litems for the interest of the children of the lives falling apart), jealousy, flat out hate, abuse, stalking....Damn!

I'll spare you the remainder of the train wreck, but after a short four month stint, they let me go.

Don't cry for me, Argentina; I was relieved to be let go. Yes, I felt such a release at not having to deal with that part of folks' lives and all the horrendous paperwork and meticulous steps that come along with it all. I found I would show up in a great mood and by the end of the day, I was emotionally worn out.

Short story shorter, I'm back to what Joyce Meyer calls "The Silent Years." This the time when: you are alone w/you dreams for the future, and it seems as if nothing at all is happening. You are just waiting and trying not to give up! It may even seem that what is happening to you is leading you in an opposite direction than what you had imagined. This is the season when God prepares to use you in greater and greater ways.

.... and I'm good with that.

The August Break/Day 7

Day Seven word prompt: "Today is..."

So far, today is peaceful @ the lake. One of my most favorite early morning spots on earth.

The August Break 2014

"Meal"

I'm an old fashioned chick. I LOVE to cook. I'm not too keen on eating a huge meal, but I love watching others enjoy. I think the detail of marinating, chopping, slicing, dicing, mashing, steaming, frying & making a good presentation of dinner is important. No matter how menial it is, I try to make it look 'pleasing.' Plus, it gives me time to sip a cocktail and go inside my own thoughts w/no interruption. Bliss.

Old fashioned cornbread from cornmeal. Cast iron is the best.

Two boxes of Pumpkin bread mix I didn't know existed.

Hand "smashed' potatoes w/garlic, pepper & butter

Steamed Brussel sprouts. I am addicted. Lightly buttered w/parsley

Crunchy skin courtesy of a touch of Balsamic vinegar marinade.

Sunday Scribblings prompt: "meal"
Internet courtesy

Luscious

... Along came a spider & sat down beside her

Little things needed homes; $1.00/each

Why trim the willow tree when cute French braids can be made? :-)

Heavy spring rains bring comfort. My favorite park in the distance.

Adding captions to photos. Working on it, but it's a start

After digging in the dirt for hours, it's a nice surprise to see my red toes :-)

This break in time has given me a whole new perspective on "time." I am beautifully at peace. Noticing the little things, taking long walks, being inspired, being in the moment, reading & a set of red toes has been nothing short of luscious.

I am blessed.

Pictures: me
Sunday Scribblings word prompt: "luscious"

Thursday

"Before"

"After"

 How about this little project I saw on Pinterest? I started saving empty jars last year for some reason & finally found this. Spray paint the INSIDE of the jars, let dry & instant vases! The colors I used were 'Sunshine Yellow' and 'Ballet Slipper."  Of course I can see all the flaws, but for the most part, I think they're cute. :-)

I've still not found a job, but then again, I haven't been looking that hard. I am truly enjoying this 'leisure time' and actually have no desire to punch a time clock. But I know this can't go on forever. I'm really trying to figure out what I want to do, but I draw blank. After so many years of 'working to pay the bills', what I really want escapes me.

I've also found that I am enjoying spending all this time alone. I don't mean to anti-social, but my own company seems to be all I can handle right now. Yes, I know it's been three weeks of solitude, but for some reason, I feel peaceful. I really do need to get in touch w/family & spend time with them.

But for right now...