I never imagined.

 Hey folks. Still here thank God. Cannot believe it's so into 2023 in all it's madness. Here goes;

Never imagined my son would get an autoimmune disease

Nor that he would loose use of his hands

That I thought it was best to retire him at age 35

That I would dress him/clean him up like when he was a baby

That my Significant Other would become so unwell.

That I would become Supervisor of my department

That the City demands that I update my property w/out giving a damn how you get it done. #bastsards

Happy 2023!!!

 I can't say where 2022 went but it sure flew. 

I can't say I remember much about the first 1/2 of the year as we got hit with a major home extermination issue which is still ongoing. I think it started in August and it was so traumatic, everything else is a blur. We're still living out of totes and nearly the entire house is packed in boxes. Prayerfully, this will be over soon so I can feel good about being in my home again. Uggh...

Nothing more is going on. My son retired @ age 35 from the workforce as the damned Scleroderma has weakened him so, it's not possible. He's lost an incredible amount of weight and is in constant pain. As a mother and caretaker, nothing sustains me like God's comfort, mercy and grace. If anyone happens to read this, I ask that you send up a prayer or two as well. Thanks. 🙏🙏🙏

Our Winter has been pleasant so far in this part of the woods. My heart breaks for those who lost their lives in the Buffalo blizzard. While I'm thinking about it, here a few photos of Fall taken around Thanksgiving. Picture postcard worthy, eh? 

I finally feel comfortable enough to sit and read. Currents are: Lucy by the Sea and What God Can Do. The first is something that takes me away into someone else's life @ the beginning of the dreaded Covid, and the second is for my complete sanity. 😀

So until next time, be well, be safe, be kind.

Time flies when you're ... Living.

Hey. 

Not too much going on as the near year approaches.

Still being the best caretaker I can be to my son and the best employee @ the store.

Still having my house packed in boxes from extermination that started in AUGUST. Still living out of totes & plastic bags. I don't know when I'll feel comfortable enough to unpack again.

This is the 2nd year I've 'skipped' Christmas. No decorations, etc. #liberating

I still try to keep my photography going although I have to admit I haven't been as on it I used to. I was able to catch the last of a foggy morning in my town before it burned off.

I wish you Joy, Comfort & Peace. 😊

Dress Me Twice

 Hello, it's me. I've thought about you for a long, long time. ~ Todd Rundgren

Well... here we are nearly @ the end of another year. I can't put into words how the time has flown for me. So fast, I could/can hardly keep up with my thoughts.

Being present in this 14th day of December, 2021, I won't try to recap from the last time I posted. I don't think I could.

We lost mom late 2020 right before she turned 86. We lost our cousin in March, we lost our eldest brother in September, both 2021. We are fragile, yet resilient.

Four years @ the store. Still loving meeting new folks and enjoying regulars. I found I had to get used to the younger generation and their lack of work and ethics. Appears it's the way of the world now. I really cannot believe so many places are screaming for employees and getting no answers. Just another bizarre aspect of the 'new' normal. Wow.

I enjoyed what I thought was my 'post Covid' flower growing this past summer. I went all out with growing whatever I could get my hands on. Both the porch and patio was my sanctuary. It well reflected my peace in the face of a pandemic.

I won't even bring up the subject of vaccinations/boosters. I'm all "pro", but I respect those who aren't. I don't understand it, but respect still. They were ESSENTIAL for my immune-compromised son who suffers from/battles Scleroderma. Which made it essential for me.

Scleroderma. What the fuck? Seriously? Over the past few years, I noticed my son deteriorating. First his hands, then his face, then his entire body. We go thru the motions of 'care', but I don't feel like he's getting the best. It's kinda like the doctors don't know WHAT to do but constantly draw blood and give tests. In researching, there is no 'cure' and everybody is learning as they go. Great. Just great.

In the meanwhile, my 34 year old son has dropped to 125 lbs. He's 6 feet. And he's autistic. And he doesn't complain. I've become his hands due to Raynaud's (another what the fuck?) It's becoming increasingly difficult for him to handle himself. He's so deteriorated, I don't know how I keep it together, but for God's mercy. 

I dressed him when he was a child; now I dress him as an adult. I dress him twice in our lives.

We continue to shine light. The store is my therapy where I give it my all. I ask God to bless me so I can bless others. My son is a light in himself. I've never heard a bad word about him. "Kind, gentle, a gentleman, polite, always happy" is all I hear. Even though we will never know his pain. And that kills me.

So.... these are all the words I can muster since 2018. As the late, great Donny Hathaway said, "hang onto the world, as it spins around." And as God says, "be still and know I AM." That's about all we have going for us. 💗💗

Peace, light, love and blessings. ~ me

Best News of the Day

Hey, folks.

Sister #1 has decided to take Sister #2 up on the offer of renting mom's house!!!!

My heart was so overjoyed @ this news.

This means we don't have to rush to get the remaining weird crap outta the house (we still will - there's just no deadline rush).

This means we don't have to put mom's fancy clothes, hats, etc., in storage until it is decided what it to be done with them.

This means the house with the great patio/backyard will stay in the family and we will continue to celebrate there.

This means the Yellow Maple planted in the backyard honoring my brother's memory will continue to have our eyes adore it.

This means Sister #1 will be a HOMEOWNER (as opposed to a townhouse renter).

This means we will still have a reason to go to that side of town (the North East).

This means Sister #1 will take a lovely home and put her lovely touches to it.

This means.....God is always right on time.

All the time.

Peace.

Hey! It's November Already!!

Hey folks. Yeah... I'm still here. I've been to this blank page more times than I care to count so let me try to catch up.

I can't begin to put into words how fast time is flying. It really messes w/my head some days. Working crazy shifts back and forth; I usually don't know what day it is, nor the date. Everything is a blur.  AARP Mag. says this:

As I get older, time seems to just fly by. Every year seems shorter. Am I normal? 

That's normal. Blame it on how your brain marks time — through novel experiences that create memories. Growing up, you’re learning and changing and making memories. Then, as an adult, you settle down into a routine, which makes the days, weeks, months and even years start to blur. “When those days don’t change, they meld together until something — such as seeing a friend’s grown child you haven’t seen since age 2 — shocks you back into memory mode,” says British psychologist Claudia Hammond, author of Time Warped: Unlocking the Mysteries of Time Perception. To keep time from flying by, you need to deliberately create new memories, Hammond explains. “Go somewhere different and do new things this weekend. On Monday, when you look back, the weekend will feel as if it were a longer period of time.” 

Got it? ✔

The summer for me truly flew by. I worked straight thru without vacation. I grew lovely flowers, herbs, tomatoes and sunflowers in pots. Things didn't quite work out like I wished, but I'll try again next year, God willing.

Then it seems the Fall came and went so quickly. We didn't even have Indian Summer!!!! This year we had beautiful color, but lots of wind/rain, so the beauty didn't last for long. I caught what I could.

Fall is my most favorite season to shoot for obvious reasons. 😉

Still working @ and loving the store. June made a year, I got raise. 👍 I have quite a few favorite customers, especially the elderly. I love giving them time and attention. #priceless

Mom entered memory care on August 1st. Still emotional about it even though it is for the very, very best. She has adjusted; it's a nice place for her. We've been going through the process of breaking down her home to put on the market. The sibs and I already have established homes, so we didn't have a need for much of mom's stuff. And I mean she had STUFF! An entire house full of her life to be dismantled. I give ALL props to Sisters #1 and 2 for their hard work on this. We would be lost without them.

This makes me think of my own house full of STUFF! If someone had to do the same for me, they would catch the same type of hell we're catching right now! I think my books and craft things would be enuff to make someone want to strike a match. Oy vey ....

... which brings me to this book I picked up the other day from the library. I'm afraid I "keep" too many things for various sentimental reasons. I really need to let go. In gathering things from mom's, I tried to keep it "down" - only taking what I could use around the house but I took a lot of her books, etc. Just because they once belonged to her.

Alzheimer's is a bitch of a disease. It totally robs folks of their lives & memories. I don't know what stage of life mom is trapped in right now, but she's NOT in the present or even the past few years. We don't know what to talk to her about. The most we can do is listen to her talk of times we know nothing of and agree. We "lost" her nearly four years ago. It's hard. But it's life.

"Better Days"

What else?? 🤔

OH! Remember the Arbor Day Tree Photo Contest I mentioned in my LAST POST OF APRIL? (Sheesh...), well... I WON FOURTH PLACE!!! I was on a natural high for sure! I left the gallery, went straight to bar down the street, bought myself a celebratory drink, sat outside on the patio & enjoyed my few moments of fame. I was SO happy! I looked like this: 😀

Otherwise, that about sums up the past few months. Nothing exciting on the horizon; I wish I could change that but... it is what it is. I've been practicing being ' present in the moment' for the past few days; not racing ahead in my thoughts - not looking back, but being right in the moment. It's a hard practice but it's where God said to meet him - right here/right now. It feels strange, yet peaceful.

We are spiritual beings having human experiences.

Peace.

*All photos by Cuppa"T" Photography (aka: me)

Update

Seriously? Day 24? Lol. Sometimes I don't know why I bother with these prompts. 😕

"Inspiring Movie": I loved this one. Eddie Murphy was 'bravo worthy' for sure. If you haven't seen it, don't sleep on it. It's purely worth it.

I got my photos submitted for the Arbor Day Photo Contest ("Tree-Mend-Us). I almost didn't make the deadline. The voting ceremony will be this Friday (27th) then the winners will be announced May 4th @ a ceremony at a very cool art gallery in our city's art district. I'll keep ya posted. Here are the submissions:

On the very cool end, I have a buyer for the black/white photo!! 😀 I never know what to charge for my pictures, but I think I've come up with a reasonable price. I have such a bad habit of under selling my talent/worth. If the buyer isn't happy with the price, that will be okay too.

On a not so cool end, mom's doctor has diagnosed her with "severe Alzheimers." 😩 We're in the process of obtaining guardianship. He said it'll get a lot worse as she'll begin to have angry outbursts. We have tons of information, options, etc., but I am SO heartbroken. He said she's rapidly declining & probably 'won't be with us much longer.' THAT was the heart-squeezer for me & I'm always on the brink of hot tears.

At a time like this, I stay in tight communication with God for strength & constantly reflect on the word "Impermanence" which was taught to me at a time when I was grieving for a friend.

The best we can do is spend as much time w/her as possible while we still have her.

Amen.

April Love Days 4, 5 and 6

..... as you can see, I'm getting off to a great start - doing 3 days at a time! 😖

Day 4 - "Smile" (by: me)

 Nothing makes me smile more than my beautiful niece's smile.

Day 5 - "2018 So Far" (by: me)

 Welcome Spring!!! Still getting snow. Ugggh.......

Day 6 - "Blue" (by: me)

Blue skies reflected. So peaceful.

See ya in three days!!! 😁. Just kidding; I'll try to do better.

Until then.

April Is Love

Hey.

To try to stay more consistent with this spot, I'm going to follow the April Love 2018 Photo Challenge by the wonderful Susannah Conway. I'm not a stranger to Ms. Conway's prompts and have completed several over the last few years. I usually do this on my FB page, but like I said I want to give this spot more attention.

So.... I will start with today (April 3, 2018) and go backward to April 1st. Here we go:

Day 3 - Inspiring Quote

Day 2 - Simplicity (Circle Art by: me)

Day 1 - Morning View by: me

Until tomorrow?? :-)

Checkin' In

You turn your back for one minute and another month passes. Hello Ms. March!

03/06/18, 6:15 p.m. backyard sunset by: Me

• I'm finding it hard to believe this June will mark ONE YEAR of my being at the store.
• Nothing more in life has been happening here. I haven't been to Italy, Greece, The Coastal Georgia Islands or any place else that's been on my bucket list forever. Often times I wonder if I'll ever get to any of those places.
• I feel like I live a very quiet life which is cool, but at times can be quite maddening. This lovely quote comforts me in some way:

"Solitude" by: Me

• On the reading front: "A Confident Heart" has become another one of my favorites. I love my faith, God and any good reading that makes me feel even more grateful in my gratitude walk
• "The Story of Arthur Truluv", because I love anything Elizabeth Berg writes
• "They Left Us Everything" because I love a good memoir and it kinda reminds me of what my sibs and I will have to face with mom...
• "Happier At Home" because who doesn't want their home to be simple, comfortable and full of love?
• "Living In Full Bloom" because I'm all in for books that share how to live in constant bloom; and
• "Daughters of Men" perhaps because I didn't have a father/daughter relationship in my life and I love reading about Black Women who do/did

On the art front: Paint chip butterflies on canvas board, hot glue on canvas board covered in foil and polished w/black shoe polish, my contribution to Valentine's Day (acrylic paint on canvas board), and "Loretta and Devine" (named after the amazing Loretta Devine), my first time with Orchids. Side note: "Loretta" is THRIVING: ALL the petals have since fallen off "Devine." 😭 Research says don't trip - she's not dead.

"Loretta"

"Devine"

 Until next time - from this quiet life.