Advent Day Three

Fire of Advent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Edward Hays, A Pilgrim’s Almanac, p. 187

   "Advent, like its cousin Lent, is a season for prayer and reformation of our hearts. Since it comes at winter time, fire is a fitting sign to help us celebrate Advent…If Christ is to come more fully into our lives this Christmas, if God is to become really incarnate for us, then fire will have to be present in our prayer. Our worship and devotion will have to stoke the kind of fire in our souls that can truly change our hearts. Ours is a great responsibility not to waste this Advent time."

The above ornaments are ones I just bought from the WorkShops where my disable son and other talented ladies and gentlemen are employed. They create beautiful things all year round, but  love their gift shop at Christmas time the best. I think this will be my yearly tradition - to purchase a couple of ornaments there. It's for a good cause, it's close to my heart, and all monies go back into the Shops.

My advent fire will be in the form of the tea candles lining the fireplace mantle. :-)

Pictures: me

 

Me first

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness.  ~Richard Carlson

And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.  ~ Anais Nin

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.  ~Lily Tomlin

Happy Friday friends. Wishes for good weekends to all. Here in the midwest, we're having temps in the 40's, but they oddly feel slightly warm. Blue skies and sunshine abound.

Today I had to put myself first. I'm holding down the fort at work until next Wednesday when the other assistant returns, so I was loaded down with doing work for 4 attorneys;

Basketball practice for Son is immediately after work. This gives me about 15 mins. to let the dogs out; give son his basketball gear to pack up, give him something REALLY quick for dinner, and head back out the door for 2 hours;

I realized that I had forgotten to refill my 'happy pill' and I could feel the anxiety quickly taking over me. I am not real happy about counting on 'the happies', but it is what it is. As it got darker, the lights of cars racing around &; past me started to put in a bit of a tailspin. I needed to go directly to the pharmacy;

Mom wanted to follow us to practice as she wasn't sure where it was. I got consumed with her driving in the dark. In other words, I was putting too much on my plate.

My remedy: after I got my prescription &; quickly downed a pill, I told mom we weren't going to practice because I clearly needed a little time to collect myself; I told Son we would catch the next practice (he wasn't happy), I came home and relaxed instead. Guilt free.

If there is one thing my medicine has taught me is that it is okay to say no, okay to slow down, okay to not attend, and okay to let my body dictate what it needs. The world won't end if I don't run myself into the ground. I am allowed to put me first.

~ Namaste.

"No!"

Sweet Baby Tuesday - 14 weeks. Pure love! :-)

Early morning yellow roses

Blue sky on the horizon

Beauty in the woods

"I am the sun; you are the moon"

Morning light in the woods

 Hey folks! I'm still here, and feeling very, very overwhelmed right now. I feel all off-kilter with being pulled in so many directions that I feel a little crazy!

As you can see, Tuesday is THRIVING!! I never tire of seeing her sweet face. The plan is for Son & I to fly out some time in July to meet her for the very first time. I'm very excited, however right now I'm so burnt out, I can't even think about it.

Son's track is in full swing so it's taking up a lot of my precious "me time." So much, in fact, that I'm going to have to put the brakes on some of it. I have my Hibiscus tree & NUMEROUS plants & veggies that need to get where they need to be, but no time is there.

It's my turn to say "no" and find my center. I feel behind in:

• tilling & weeding the garden
• planting & watering
• walking
• reading
• making cards
• visiting, and
• BLOGGING

"D also kindly reminded me this morning that if I start taking on too much again, "the panic" will surely return, so here's to putting the hammer down! :-)

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday to all of you. It seems like this day comes about faster each week! Some random thanks are:

This absolutely adorable insulated lunch bag, tailored just for me ("Cuppa T" Photography) by my sis, Paulette. It doesn't get any cuter than this, does it? I am thankful & blessed for her surprise visit, which we don't do often enough. It felt good to sit and catch up. She's a beautiful, funny, strong, lady :-)

Now tell me - how could one NOT be thankful for this smile? I mean, really? This is my Jeremiah who came to visit the other night. Him sitting on my lap trying to teach me the "Angry Birds" game warmed my hearth through and through.

I am thankful that mom has the strength & dedication to always come to Son's basketball games & cheer him on.

I am thankful that I am so fascinated with the rising sun and the setting moon that I always pull over to capture and share. Who can focus on driving when you got this going on in the East and the moon (above) in the West?? :-)

I am thankful that there exists such a spot as this that just begs for you to take a seat and let your mind wander out over the water.

I am lastly (for now) thankful for "D" having gainful employment which has taken a huge amount of pressure off me. He is always so eager and anxious to help out with "his money." This Sunday, I'm going shopping for a new pair of good quality walking shoes - "D"'s treat. It ain't the Hope Diamond, but I am thankful as if it were.

Thanks for reading today, & always, stay thankful!


Pictures by: me :->

Merry Christmas!!!

Wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Safe, Prosperous New Year!! Let's all hold hands and go into New Year together, leaving all unhealthy, toxic, worry-some, nasty stuff behind, and let our lights shine bright!

As you can see, Son is all pleased with "Cenation" (WWE for those who don't know - like I didn't). Nothing keeps you grounded like having a 24 year young man who still believes in Santa and smiles accordingly. He'll smile like that all day, like he always does.

Loving my hand-made sun catcher from a co-worker's talented husband. It's pretty, rain or shine.

And don't you love the colors of this delicious, oh so soft, knitted scarf? My neck will be drenched in deliciousness :-)

"D" is working until 1:00 p.m., so I'd better get started on getting the ham on and trying my hand @ Chocolate Chip Cream Cheese Cookies from Just a Pinch. Such a great site for simple, down home recipes.

So many blessings & love today. I hope all of your homes are filled with the spirit & the reason for the season.

Peace, love & blessings. ~ me :-)

Thankful Thursday (Christmas Edition :-))

Happy Thankful Thursday to you all. Christmas is fast approaching so tomorrow will be all about working 1/2 a day, then shopping as far as my wallet allows :-)

Today's thanks are:

Truly feeling the Christmas Season; and since I'm not stressed about buying, I'm more focused on the reason for the Season which, in my life, means the birth of Jesus, our Savior, spending time with family, spreading love, being filled with love & caring/praying for those less fortunate & helping in any way I can. If I can't help physically or monetarily, I can certainly pray for you!


That I was wise enough to hold onto my 20-year old collection of Tamarlane ornaments from my first "law" boss who is now a retired Judge. Every year when I put them on the tree, I am reminded of his warm kindness & of giving me a chance when I didn't know law from a hole in the ground. Thanks, Judge Boggins.


For the beautiful, fresh trees we get year after year from the Fairgrounds, complete with trimmings for the fire place mantle. There's something to be said for being faithful to good, local vendors. They always throw in little extras.

That we all got together @ mom's for her 79th birthday last Sunday. We always end up stuffed into her kitchen in spite of all the other living space she has. There's something about gathering in the kitchen - all 12 of us! The warmth, love, hugs & laughter that I still feel long after we've all parted ways is truly a blessing.

That in the nearly three months that "D" as been back to work, we seem to have gotten closer. I'm sure it's because since he's back in the rat race, his self-esteem has returned, as well as his self-worth. And for me, I feel different because I have so much more sorely needed alone time without having to shut myself in my bedroom to get it. He works evenings, so we communicate through notes. We're getting the air we both needed. And it feels good. And that's something I haven't said in a very, very long time.

And lastly - I'm just thankful for everything; friends, family, employment, shelter, transportation, my full heart, those who read here; those I met through this space. If I don't write again before Holiday, (& I will try to), I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah.

Pictures by: me :-}

Thankful Thursday

Good Thankful Thursday to you! Today's thanks off the top of my head are:

• As mundane & non-challenging as my job is, I am thankful for it, as it does pay the bills
• Watching Son with his basketball team. They have such a brotherhood & they're so kind to each other. I will forever be thankful to Eunice Shriver Kennedy for Special Olympics
• The peaceful feeling I've been having for the past few days. I feel God's presence so strongly
• The sky when it looks like it does in these pictures
• That this Sunday, we're all getting together & celebrate mom's 79th birthday. I'm thankful for her, daily
  
• The general kindness of [some] folks
• That we haven't had snow or any sign of it [yet]. I pray for a snow-free winter
• That Son (even though 24 years) is looking forward to telling "Santa" what he wants for Christmas @ his job's Christmas party tomorrow (I wasn't sure he was still a believer - I'm THRILLED that he is)
  
• That I got all my Christmas cards out, including ones to everyone on my 'angel' list. I don't know them; they don't know me, but I hope the card brings them joy
• That "D" will get the Christmas tree tomorrow (with extra cuttings for the fireplace) & it will be there when I get home from work. I'm looking forward to the smell
• That even though I feel like I'm @ a stop while the rest of the world moves on, that there's something 'big & exciting' out there for me yet!

Stay thankful, everyone!!

Pictures by: me :->

An Uncelebrated Day

Good Sunday, all. Peace & blessings.

Yesterday was Son's 24th birthday. Like all birthdays prior to this, there was no celebration. With his autism, any type of attention focused on him is all for naught. His shyness won't allow the "happy birthday" song to be sung.

He never asks for anything but the necessities. I've tried over the years to make his day special, but there is no participation from him. I offer to go the movies, out to dinner - all to no avail. So Friday night when it hit me that Saturday would be his birthday, I felt kinda empty. I didn't have anything prepared or planned because, well, he simply doesn't want that.

He is unable to read, so cards are fruitless. He got one card that his co-workers made for him. I, myself, am the one who insisted that he at least let it stand on his dresser for the day. This morning, it was in his trashcan. When I asked why, he said 'because it's over now."

So, now he's a year older, hopefully a litter wiser, while he walks into an adulthood that he is totally unaware of with me as his "link" to the world (the counselors say). It makes me a little sad that such a wonderful person goes uncelebrated, but I guess in perspective, it's really not a big deal.

If it isn't a big deal for him, than I can't make it a big deal for myself. Happy Birthday, Son.

Exhale.

Son + "Fragile X" Syndrome = Love

Happy Monday, folks.

Yesterday, Son & I took a 2-hour photo walk. The sun was out, only a high of 62, but I knew rain was on the horizon so I wanted to make sure the camera got exercise (Lol). Luckily, it was a beautiful, blue sky day. Even though it's nearly November, there is PLENTY of beauty out there to be found.

But first, this picture is 23 years old. It's my favorite picture of all time of Son & I. He was a little over a year old, had been diagnosed with being mentally delayed, (born w/"Fragile X, " or "Bell-Martin Syndrome") and I was still trying to wrap my head around that. Everything I had envisioned changed; I had to slow myself down. Way down. And prepare myself to learn from my new teacher (him).

This is Son today (yesterday, in fact during our walk). He'll be 24 in a couple of weeks. If you had a chance to click on the Fragile X link above, it pretty much describes him. In fact, eye-contact is such a problem for him, that getting him to look directly in the camera is a hit or miss. Thank God for digital cameras where you can erase & have do-overs :-)

But all in all, I am so PROUD to have my perfectly made son. My mother says God gave him to me like this because he knew I'd be able to take care of him. Everyone compliments me on what a kind gentleman he is, he's a hard worker & wants nothing more than to please everyone, and that makes me proud. His neurologist said that even though he's nearly 24, due to delay - he's technically 16/17 year of age mentally.

When I first learned of his delay, I was depressed. I mean DEEPLY PRESSED. I don't think I set myself free until his neuro used the word "retarded." When Son was 13, doctor told me to make long term plans for him due to his "mental retardation." No one had ever used that word pertaining to Son. That very day, I let it go. I took focus of my selfishness & focused on how remarkable Son was/is as a person. I banked on what he COULD do as opposed to what he COULDN'T do. The world opened up & the weight had been lifted. It wasn't till I joined HIS level that I understood. After all, I had the problem with all this - not Son. All he did in this was be born.

I will always appreciate & honor Special Olympics for it is where both he & I blossomed. We found a whole other world of "us" - anyone & everyone was/is accepted. And my lesson was in seeing all types of children with various disabilities and other parents dealing in their own ways, and I felt such a kinship with these people. Son has been involved with Spe.Olympics since he was 9 years old, so we have quite a large "family." Imagine - you watch the same group of guys grow into young men while playing baseball, softball, basketball, now track, weightlifting, etc. Each season of each sport is like a family reunion. We truly are family, thanks to our blessed young men & women.

God is good.

Pictures by: me :-)

Angels Unaware

Good Tuesday morning, all.

In this picture from my train excursion, I may have forgotten to mention that while walking toward the train, I came upon the 3 conductors and an elderly lady (on far left.) She's the one who took the picture of me & the conductors (I think she was friends w/one of the women conductor).

I already have a mad, crazy love for the elders, but this lady made my day. As I approach to take pictures, we clicked instantly. She asked me if I believed in angels & I told her yes, of course.

She said that her late husband loved trains & she started not to come down, but he (as an angel) nudged her into coming down to join in the fun, and that she may meet an angel. I told her I believed right at that moment that she & I were BOTH meeting angels! At that, we wrapped our arms around each other & gave good, tight hugs. Mind you - I don't know her, but if you saw us embraced like family, you would've never guessed.

We walked arm-n-arm together to the steam engine while she pointed out different angles for me to shoot. I felt so comfortable with her, my heart was melting.

Bottom line is: this is the only picture I got of her - the back of her. I didn't think to get her beautiful face, nor ask her name. I got so caught up in shooting that when I looked, she was gone into the crowd. I looked for her, but no luck. I wished I would have at least gotten her name. I really wanted her name & address to send cheer cards to her, but I don't know how forward that may have been.

Well at least our souls joined together for a short time :-)

"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby
some have entertained angels unawares." Hebrews 13:2

Picture by me :-)
By the way - where was Son during this love-fest? Standing back watching like he always does when I embrace perfect strangers. Lol. He's used to it & hopefully it's instilling in him the love of 'angels.'

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday, all! Thankful today...

• a friend wasn't hurt in a car accident that totaled his car
• spending time talking w/that friend
  
• reconnecting w/a sweet friend, hearing her voice & laughing
  
• my son has such a great attitude about going to work each day
• the 'church' program i watch (instead of news) while getting ready for work lifted my heart & filled me with joy
• getting back on track with "Thursday's lunches w/mom"
• so glad that my bro decided to come back home to Ohio from L.A. to start afresh
• how Dwayne cleans the kitchen, prepares dinner & feeds Son before I get home from work
• God bless my Italian bella, Lisa D. & for gifting me w/her spare computer
• at the book sale, I found this, & right beside it, Book 2 @ $.50/ea. What are the odds? I like how they read; like having a convo w/God like an old friend
  
• temps in the 70's

Until next Thursday :-)


Pictures by: me :-)
(#1 - the old Stern & Mann bldg.. once THEE 'finest' department store downtown. it's now offices
#2 - iron fish in the Art District
#3 - "Sheri" has had several write-ups in the paper about her sweets. I stay away
#4 - clock@ the Millenium Bldg., (a law firm)
#5 downtown fountain

"instructions not included"

Even with autism, it was easy when you were small. At the age of 3, you entered early intervention classes. my happy, sweet special boy;

it was still easy when you were an early teen - you were busy being a teen with your sports, love of music, etc., my sweet, special teen.

however, now you're a young man of two decades and three years. my question is, am i teaching you right? am i showing you the way? have i taught you about God? have i taught you to love yourself? have i taught you your self-worth? have i taught you to respect yourself as you respect me & others? do you know why you feel different toward girls? will you have a girl? do you wonder about sex? will you ever want to live alone? will you be able to handle the world? will the world be kind or cruel?

i shave your handsome face, yet the hitch is: I cannot teach you to be a man.

All i can do is pray & trust Our Maker to guide you thru your journey, as he understands and knows your heart. One that is filled with innocence and trust. He knows your wants, needs, thoughts and your future. He knows the very numbers of hairs on your head at this very moment. he knows and hears my prayers for you. He has always been there for you - fulfilling your every need, no matter or big or small.

So I guide you the best I can. As you have turned into a fine, young man. I am amazed daily at how blessed I am to have been given the precious gift of you for a son.


Pictures by: me. In tribute to my awesomely wonderful, perfectly created son, James. :-)
Sunday Scribbling word prompt: "hitch"