Reading

As the upcoming Holiday season presses down on me, I can't tear myself away from this book.

I picked it up to get some insight with what's going on with mom and I'm getting insight out the ass!

I'm probably only into the fourth chapter and have more than 10 sticky-tabbed pages that I can relate to.

It's almost like we (sibs & I) wrote the book, yet I'm reading it for the first time.

Over the weekend, the promise I previously made to myself to celebrate this Season like a child is quickly diminishing. I don't know if my sadness or bewilderment is because of the book or not. Recognizing so many changes in mom makes me torn. I'm sad @ what's happening to her, pissed at her sometimes CRUEL words and heartbroken watching her try to hang on to what used to be her normalcy.

Yet, with each page I turn to, there 'our situation' is, staring me right in my face.

I'm glad to have found a book written so true, raw and real. I love the way the author is so honest with her feelings.

While preparing Christmas cards, I left mom out. This is something I NEVER would have done, but she doesn't show the slightest bit of interest in..... well.... nothing. Nothing more than having someone drive her all over the city with no intentional destination. Mom was never one to stay at home. When she was still lucid and able to drive, she would take long rides, daily.

She said it got her out of the house. We called it running away from herself. She's never been one to love herself, nor her own company. Hopping behind the wheel was the way she didn't have to deal with her own demons, whatever they may be.

But now, her outings are at our command and limited to friends who take her bowling and our trips to grocery/doctor appts. She's adamant about having a newspaper daily only for us to discover she doesn't read them. I don't think she still does her Bible study either, even though if you ask her, her first quick answer will be YES! I read everything I get my hands on.

Not true. So I knew she would have no appreciation for my photo card I created. Just like she wasn't interested in the "I'm Thankful For You Because...." Thanksgiving card. 😑 She glanced at it, put it down & left it next to her plate at my sister's Thanksgiving dinner.

So...it's either all of that. Or either I need more stamps to finish off mailing my cards; there's no place for the Christmas tree; I'm basically broke or...........

Randoms & Sunrises

"Backyard sunrise"

"Being a passenger"

Sunrise in motion

I was a passenger this morning so I had a chance to shoot a couple of sunrise shots out the window. It was magnificent.

Son will be 25 on the 5th of next month. We have been having 'adult' issues with him re: s-e-x. I often have to remind myself, even though he is autistic, he IS a grown young man, so it's been a rather delicate thing to handle. I knew the day would come & I hope I'm guiding him in the right direction. This is usually a father/son
issue, but as I am both, I did my best. Lol. Sigh...

I have 4-1/2 days of vacation I need to take before my 11th year anniversary on the 29th, so next week, I will work 1/2 a day, then be off the rest of the week. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping to organize myself photo-wise, craft-wise, reading wise, slowly break down the yard/patio/porch for the winter & spend some time with mom.

But mostly I'm hoping to relax, slow down & bask in the glow of not having any place to be. :-)

"It is important from time to time to slow down, to go away by yourself, and simply be."
--Eileen Caddy

Pictures: me 

Investigate

I truly believe that

• you can't change the past
• you cannot go back and undo what was once done
• you cannot go back & pull years back into line
• there are no do overs
• there are only start-overs
• that beauty lies all around us
• that you have to allow yourself to see it
• that if you've come from a bad experience & made it through to the other side
• that you have to live each new day in appreciation & glory
• that if you hold onto the past, that is where you will stay
• that if you refuse to grow into the future, the future will go on without you
• that if you don't want to try anything new, you will become old
• that if you don't ever trust, you will never be free
• that if you don't love yourself, you will never be able to love another
• that if you allow words to define you
• unless they are positive words - you will become them
• that if you don't investigate your inner self & be fully present in each moment of your life
  
• that you are merely waiting to die

Pictures by: me :-)
Written with mom in mind
Sunday Scribbling word prompt: "Investigate"

Thankful & blessed

Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. ~W.J. Cameron

In all of my Thanksgiving hostess obsessing, the evening turned out to be very lovely. As usual, it was a lot of fret for no reason. Don't you hate when you clean your ass off - taking extra care on the bathroom & nobody ever uses it?!?! (LOL!)

My guest list was diminished greatly, so I ended up with only two guests. One sister was out of state; the other wanted to relax @ her beautiful home -her first Thanksgiving in her new house; one brother had the flu; one brother ate with his lady friend, & the other brother ate w/his lady friend & her mother.

So that left mom and her gentleman friend. I'm so glad I didn't prepare as much as I thought I would have to.


It came out to be just enough with plenty for left overs. Maybe try some turkey soup? Mmm..

Even though mom ate less than a bird & pushed her food around her plate....

.... and her gentleman friend nearly ate all of the pecan pie...

... I was glad to thankfully share what I had. Son said the entire meal was "awesome!"

Then "D" had to go into work in the evening, so that left me blissfully alone basking the glow of having shared & being blessed. I put on jazz, & enjoyed the lingering scents of dinner, the pumpkin spice candles, the Fall leaves I scattered about, then thanked God for a sweet Thanksgiving, indeed.

Always thankful :-)

Thankful Thursday

Good morning, all! Happy Thursday; we're almost at the weekend. Giving thanks today for:

• Catching the beautiful sunrise (above) yesterday on the drive in. I don't drive on the freeway, so finding hidden treasures like this make me thankful, indeed
• Being a trusted confidential friend to a friend. I am thankful for her trust in me

• Lunch with mom today. Being the bad girl that I am, I haven't talked to her since last week, so when I called to confirm lunch, just hearing her voice made me thankful :-)

• "D" getting employed, the employment being so close to home, & the joy he is feeling at getting his self-worth & self-esteem back. Honestly, I haven't seen him this joyous in a long time. It's long overdue in every way
  
• My friend, Cassie, just completing a 13.5 mile walk in San Francisco. That chick is my "Shero!!!!"

• Compliments on my photos. I know I mention this a lot, but it gives me such joy inside when others appreciate what my eyes see :-)
• Reflecting back on this fact, every time I think my job is meaningless
• Not having a dime to my name until payday (more than a week away), but trusting that we'll make it :-)
  

• ALWAYS being thankful to God that He makes a way for us to 'always make it.'

And that's all I have off the top 'o my head for this week. Thanks for coming by, and remember to always stay thankful!

Pictures by: me
Aren't the red flowers beautiful? I drive daily past a house where they are. The other day, I jumped outta traffic, pulled over & proceeded to edge onto the edge of the yard to shoot a few. The color called to me - I just had to have it. If the folks noticed me, they didn't say anything... nor did they call the police. Another thing to be thankful for... (LOL!!)

Thankful Thursday

Good Thankful Thursday, everyone! Thanks for dropping by :-) Things that give me thanks today:

• The crock pot! Tis the season!
• My car that gets me where I need to be. I know this is something we may take for granted, but believe me, I've had enough car problems in the past to be thankful
• The walk in the woods @ lunch yesterday
• The beautiful lake I came upon in the middle of the woods (pictured)
• The gazillion sweaters I have for Fall/Winter. I have a sweater fetish
• "D" serving me dinner & us eating together (this is rare)
• Being a friend for a friend, who is losing a friend :-(
• "Thursday Lunch" w/mom. This enhances Thankful Thursday :-)
• Being blessed w/still having mom on earth with us, while I know so many missing their mamas :-(
• Finding new blogs & connecting w/people online. It always reminds me that no matter our race, culture, religion, etc., we truly are all alike. And that's a good thing :-)

That's all I have for this Thursday. Come back again; you're always welcomed.


Pictures by me: :-)
(I like making little arrangements out of what I find on the ground. Just pick up some stuff & throw it together - you'll be surprised.)

Soul Food

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." Mother Teresa

What a spiritually fulfilling day it was. I went to church w/mom. I never felt more blessed than when we held hands in prayer. It was 'men's day', too, so that was a double treat hearing their choir. So cool to see handsome guys aged 25-88 all dressed in black, praying together. The message was "The Uplifted Man." Powerful.

Also, everyone was so friendly. A few folks I went to school with & their families go there. Lot's of smiles & hugging.

I'm so glad I went. It made the rest of my day.

Thankful Thursday

Happy Thankful Thursday, all! Thankful today...

• a friend wasn't hurt in a car accident that totaled his car
• spending time talking w/that friend
  
• reconnecting w/a sweet friend, hearing her voice & laughing
  
• my son has such a great attitude about going to work each day
• the 'church' program i watch (instead of news) while getting ready for work lifted my heart & filled me with joy
• getting back on track with "Thursday's lunches w/mom"
• so glad that my bro decided to come back home to Ohio from L.A. to start afresh
• how Dwayne cleans the kitchen, prepares dinner & feeds Son before I get home from work
• God bless my Italian bella, Lisa D. & for gifting me w/her spare computer
• at the book sale, I found this, & right beside it, Book 2 @ $.50/ea. What are the odds? I like how they read; like having a convo w/God like an old friend
  
• temps in the 70's

Until next Thursday :-)


Pictures by: me :-)
(#1 - the old Stern & Mann bldg.. once THEE 'finest' department store downtown. it's now offices
#2 - iron fish in the Art District
#3 - "Sheri" has had several write-ups in the paper about her sweets. I stay away
#4 - clock@ the Millenium Bldg., (a law firm)
#5 downtown fountain

Golden Wisdom

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Mom gave this sweet little gem. Tied closed with a silky gold ribbon. Another thing she & I have in common is not only do we love inspirational books, but we adore "little" books. Between she and I, I'm sure we have enough inspirationals to inspire a small country! (LOL!) We can't help it; they make 'em so dang cute that you cannot resist.

She said the images inside reminded her of my photos (as you can see from her note inside the book). I love it. I held it close to me.

Then I held her close to me.

Then before bed, I read it twice.

The inspirations are so simple and logical that I could almost hear her voice saying them to me.

Thanks, mom. I love you. Always.



Pictures by: me :-}

Simple Sunday randoms

I have more snow pictures, but I'm feeling soggy. Rains, then boat-loads of snow takes it toll. It sure is beautiful, but I sure am a little tired of seeing it :-\

Thoughts of thankfulness:

• chocolate fudge cake for dessert & chicken noodle soup (from scratch) in the crock pot. both excellent
  
• thanks to Pillsbury for putting 'Decadent Dark Chocolate Fudge" icing in a can w/a nozzle on the end. So much neater & easier to squirt into your mouth
• "Daydreaming on Paper" for more food for thought
  
• Construction paper as a back drop. DUH!
  
• went to a church concert w/mom this afternoon. I'm glad I fought the urge not to go. It was nice & made her happy
• "Nelson", the homeless guy @ the library, told me he collects stones & has one for me. He didn't feel like digging through his huge bag of belongings to look for it so I told him I'd get it next time I saw him. I'm looking forward to receiving
• many prayers for Japan
  
• spending a solid hour, un-interupted, shooting pictures in natural kitchen light. Well, nearly un-interrupted... why do people have goofy questions the minute they see you pick up your camera? (lol!)
• Learning new camera things & shooting random things on a whim
• Podcasts & audio books on iPod. Blissdom.
  
• a new Gift of Jewels project! Yay! It's always such a chain of love.

Pictures by: me :-)