Holy crap; Holidays are coming

I am one of the folks who puts so much pressure on themselves for the holidays that I truly go numb. I mean numb like my anxiety reaches such a height that I don't have room for one other thought. Here are my bullet points so I'll keep it short.

• I'm not working (still)
• Bills (what else is new)
• Christmas shopping on extremely limited funds
• Having my mother over for Thanksgiving (she barely eats anything & last year kept her coat on - SCREAM!!!)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• Cooking Thanksgiving dinner (when I'm panicked, I can't focus & cook my best)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• What to get for James (son) for Christmas - especially w/very limited funds
• My sister's annual Ohio State v. Michigan game (great company, great food, but WAY too much alcohol consumed by all, especially the Sig.Other (sigh...........))
• This makes me not want to attend, but I will... which will cause me to drink more wine than usual. :-)

Then on the other hand, I long for the families and the commercials showing everyone gathering for the holidays, laughing, exchanging gifts & having a good time. All the way down to the perfect Christmas decorations by Pier One. Lol.

I would like to enjoy the holidays in these ways:

"Christmas by Pier 1"

"A calm, happy, normal Thanksgiving"; and

"A nice, elegant New Years"

I told mom that I wish our family had traditions we adhered to yearly. She told me to star my own traditions. What is she trying to do, give me a stroke? Lol. But.... if I want it, it has to start with me. And that would cause me to drink more wine that usual. :-)


Photographs via the Internet

NaBloPoMo, Day 20

I'm just joining in at Day 20; don't ask me why I'm so late because I truly won't have an answer. Lol.

"Do you have a book in you? Fact or fiction? Related to your blog or totally different?

 

For as much as I love to write, I don't have any type of book that would be worth publishing inside of me. In fact, it's more like an ongoing daydream as I'm a hopeless romantic. You know - like some sort of Hallmark movie. It's completely different from my blog.

 

I'm always dreaming of:

• Living in a big, beautiful, old farmhouse
• with a big, strapping beautiful man
• who absolutely could not live without me
• and me without him
• he chops wood for our fire places
• he builds anything from nothing
• he raises goats to keep the grass down on our acreage
• we hold hands & go for long walks
• we snuggle in front of the fire place
• and then we live happily ever after  and all that shit

See? There is no book inside me.

 

Just dreams.

"me and he"

 

High Anxieties

Having a bit (well, actually a shit load) of anxiety at everything going on right now. I'm finding it very hard to keep my mind still. I had all these things I was going to list, but thought that would be a buzz-kill, so I'll just hold it in (not good).

I will give thanks for another day and all that comes with because as we were taught, 'someone is having a rougher go at it than I am.'

I'm thankful that my resume was noticed @ CareerBuilder.com, even though the job turned out to be in another City. (Scream). At least it's "out there", huh?

I'm thankful for the load of golden leaves about 2 feet deep on my patio. I know everyone rushes to rake, but I like 'walking through the golden."

Otherwise, I'll keep trying to hang in there.

Seagulls @ the park

God's Pallette

Hey there! It's been a little while. I cannot believe we are on our 11th day of October!!! Time truly does fly. Such a cliché phrase, yet so apparent.

We're having color changes here in Ohio; some trees are brilliant, yet some still hold onto their summer greens. I am fascinated each year at God's Pallette.

Peaceful, bright Westlawn Cemetery. Bliss.

Amazing!!!

Things going on in my life right now:

• Been on a few job interviews to no avail :-(. Trusting in God and practicing patience
• Praying on doubting myself. After each failed interview, a little piece of my 'worth' feels stripped away
• Praying strongly that my mortgage company can work w/me on keeping my house
• Praying strongly that we can find a soft place for my mother to land. Her house is being sold,  she has to be uprooted. This is such a tender matter for me. I'm more worried about her well-being than I am for myself. She is 81 years old, after all. I never imagined dealing with this and seeing the truly 'elderly' in mom. Makes my heart ache
• I haven't been able to get to stylist in months!!! Trying not to look like 'Grandma Moses'; Lol!!

"Changes"

Mini 'Burning Bush'

And that is about all I have going on. I'm 'living the dream'. :-)

August Break 9/28/14 ~ Something New

I am a "new to me" junkie.

When I found this treasure, my face lit up.

Can the price be beat?

It's calling for a bunch of fresh cuts.

August Break 2104 word prompt: "something new"

August Break/9/29/13 ~ Nature

Nature nourishes my sense of sight.



The August Break 2014

August Break/Day 22/Shadow

The August Break

The August Break/Day 17/Bookshelf

Don't even get me started on books. They've been my closest friends since I was a child. My favorites were The Nancy Drew Series, Little Women & The Five Little Peppers & how they grew - a set my mother gifted me on my 8th birthday.

As you can see, my books aren't arranged in any particular fashion. (These are just 'a few' books in my bedroom - we won't approach downstairs - lol!)

I love books about slavery, love stories, folks trying to find their way, over-coming obstacles, but mostly books about God. They comfort me in such a way that I can't have too many.

Next to my bed, I keep Jesus Calling, the Bible & an assortment of this 'n that. I've been known to jump from book to book.

Treasures, indeed :-)

The August Break

The August Break/Day 8

I am in no way fond of pictures of myself. I used to love to be in front of the camera, but since I've gotten older, I'm not a big fan.

Todays August Break word prompt is "selfie"

sel·fie

ˈselfē/

noun

informal

noun: selfie; plural noun: selfies; noun: selfy

1. a photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website.

   "occasional selfies are acceptable, but posting a new picture of yourself everyday isn't necessary"

Taken by a friend last year. I look pensive, don't I? :-)

The August Break 2014

August Break/Day 3

All you need is a little ledge

Posted in the window

Excuse me for tracing back a few days; I really want to be true to this assignment.

Happenings upon a stroll downtown

"Dress No Evil" shop that I didn't know existed. "Look Good/Do Good"

August Break Day 3 Prompt: "Window"


August Break 2014

The August Break/Day 7

Day Seven word prompt: "Today is..."

So far, today is peaceful @ the lake. One of my most favorite early morning spots on earth.

The August Break 2014

The August Break/Day 6

The August Break, day 6's word prompt for the day: "reflection."

This was a daily path I drove to and from work a couple of years ago. :-) Very reflective, indeed, eh?

The August Break 2014

The August Break/Day 5

The August Break prompt: "three"

Oh, how I love summertime; shooting all the various flowers that God blesses us with is surely a treat for the eyes. I'm not limited to my own surroundings - oh, no!! I'm the person who knocks on a door & says:

"Hello, I live here in the neighborhood & I shoot pictures all around the city; would you mind if got a shot of your ___________ in your front yard?" (fill in the blank).

And believe it or not, the answer is always "yes - of course."

It's the little things in life, isn't it :-)

The August Break 2014

"The August Break, 2014" (Day 4)

I stumbled upon this idea for writing @ the suggestion of Grace of Red Barn Studios.


Today's (08/04//14) prompt is "orange." Seriously, have you ever NOT been happy when you saw the color orange?

It's a color that DEMANDS joy.

I try to give it all the attention I can. :-) Feel free to join in on the daily challenge if you will. I can't say I'll make it everyday, but it'll def. give some ideas on being in the moment.

Mid-Summer

This has been how I've spent the majority of my summer days. Just when I'm dragging about getting there; once I'm there - it's pretty amazing. Especially with these great summer evenings.

Another lesson on learning to be in the moment.

The Return

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." ~Nelson Mandela

Wow!!! I cannot believe I haven't been here in over a month. With every going on (and not going on), I've been rather lax on writing.

Return of the Cally Lilly

Nothing new is going on employment wise. I'm still keeping my nose to the grindstone with no positive results. I'm starting to feel like a relic, yet trying to stay positive at the same time. It's a REAL fine line. Lol.

 

In the interim, I had a birthday on June 9th. I'm now 'over the 1/2 way mark' & entered the world of 51 years. I am truly blessed with another year. Prayerfully, things will turn around and give me some breathing room.

Also, at some point, this blog has had an anniversary. I can't really remember when I started this; I'm going to guess probably 5+ years ago. In any event, Happy Anny!! I'll try to be more attentive to daily writing. No promises, but it's a goal.

Blessings!! :-)

My "20"

Twenty thankful things right now:

1) Books, read and un-read.Currently reading "Mr. Owita's Guide to Gardening." Love!!!!

2) Sitting on the patio in late evening, listening to the birds 'wrap it up' for the night
3) Hearing those same birds begin their song @ 4:00a.m. like clockwork
4) Seeing something different in the same setting each time I walk the same path

5) Reflections

6) Cutting my son's hair & giving him a shave. Silent precious bonding

7) Seeing the beauty in everything (including this dive bar! Lol.)

8) The distraction of cooking a tasty meal

                    
9) Midday Connection (podcasts, especially)
10) Walking w/no destination nor time clock

11) Catching good vintage shots w/the camera

12) Hiking/walking trails13) Fresh herbs/veggies/fruit
14) Making original cards/random sending out into the Universe
15) PBS Channel(s)
16) My mother's wisdom, knowledge & friendship
17) Jesus Calling
18) Photography guide/simple tips books
19) Inner Peace (practiced 24/7)
20) Comfort in my own company

Making a Deposit

How do we make deposits to our souls? By making time for things that are important to us. Hang out with our girlfriends. We can go and check out a new coffee shop. Read a book. Read the Bible. Spend quiet time alone with God, and go to church. How about going to get our nails done? Pray. Pray a lot. We could even turn our cellphones off for a change. Wait, what did I just say? Yes, we could turn our cells off. Listen to worship music. Take a drive. Except compliments and blessings without feeling guilty about it, and learn to quote scripture. By soul searching we can come to realize how much we need these things. - See more at: http://www.backroadsliving.com/soul-searching/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BackRoadsLiving+%28Back+Roads+Living%29#sthash.BiyavzHW.dpuf

I love this article I found at "Back Roads Living. It makes so much sense to take time to deposit into our souls. After a very whirlwind week with my continuing job search, today I felt completely spent. I am not sure if it is the action of the week, or that I haven't been consuming food as I regularly should. I spent several hours laying in bed reading this wonderful book. A deposit for the soul, indeed.

“There was a time in Africa the people could fly. Mauma told me this one night when I was ten years old. She said, “Handful, your granny-mauma saw it for herself. She say they flew over trees and clouds. She say they flew like blackbirds. When we came here, we left that magic behind.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Invention of Wings: A Novel

How do we make deposits to our souls? By making time for things that are important to us. Hang out with our girlfriends. We can go and check out a new coffee shop. Read a book. Read the Bible. Spend quiet time alone with God, and go to church. How about going to get our nails done? Pray. Pray a lot. We could even turn our cellphones off for a change. Wait, what did I just say? Yes, we could turn our cells off. Listen to worship music. Take a drive. Except compliments and blessings without feeling guilty about it, and learn to quote scripture. By soul searching we can come to realize how much we need these things. - See more at: http://www.backroadsliving.com/soul-searching/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+BackRoadsLiving+%28Back+Roads+Living%29#sthash.BiyavzHW.dpuf

Sunday

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). When we think of this verse, we usually think about “good works” as ways we can help others, and that’s true. Remember though: In the beginning when God was getting creative and bringing everything into existence, He evaluated His creation and decided it was “good.” Creativity can minister to a person’s heart the same way a meal or a hug might. (Inspired by "Project Inspired")

I listened to this very Podcast on this subject on the iPod (Midday Connection) while I created at my desk. I call this set of photo collage, "The Blues" compiled of the color blue that inspired me. Creativity inspired by God, indeed! :-)

NaBloPoMo 3/23/2013

One day when browsing around, I came upon the "Suspended Coffees Program." How cool is it? You go into participating stores and donate to the cause; when folks come in that can't afford coffee, they turn in one of these cards & the store will give them a free coffee & a bagel or danish.

When I read about it, I had to know more. I Googled it and sure enough, a very small coffee shop downtown participates. I donated & had a great conversation with "Tommy B" who ran the place while his daughter was out. He said he lived in Chicago but came here to help his daughter/grandkids. He's 100% Italian and wears a black fedora cocked to one side.

I didn't have my camera, but he told me to come back anytime to take pix. I was disappointed to learn our sorry-ass local 'newspaper' hadn't found this gem news worthy. How can you support the small businesses if you don't know they exist? Sigh...

Anywho, Tommy B treated me to once of the best Chai teas I've had in a while, and gave me cards to pass out. The cards aren't necessarily for those who are down; they make nice 'have a coffee on me' gifts. The key is being motivated enough to participate.

NaBloPoMo 3/22/14

Try something new.

I decided to try water colors. After all, on a 'craft binge', I bought multiple sizes brushes, water colors and a painting pad. Why? Who knows, but now I'm glad I did. After sitting on a shelf for a few months, I dove in. Then I thought to try ink, stamps & other little things.

I like the "kindergarten" effect of them all. Lol.

The 'wheels of my craft brain' are always turning. :-)

NaBloPoMo 3/21/2014

Updates & Thoughts:

• on this second day of Spring, we got about three inches of snow this morning
• a year ago this very day, I was fired from my job of 11 years
• i'm still job searching, trying not to freak over finances, staying prayerful & faithful
• i took another step toward creating my photo website and created this banner:

 

•   Why is it taking so long, you may ask? Because I don't know what I'm doing. Lol!!! Just when I get my interests peaked, I suddenly back out. I still can't believe that folks would actually buy my stuff
• I find with downtime, I'm cooking more serious dinners during the week as opposed to the 'Sunday dinner.' Last nite was meatloaf w/gravy, scalloped potatoes, fresh collard greens & corn muffins:

•  "D" just called from work & told me the meatloaf was so very kick ass!!! Yay! He said I really nailed it this time & whatever I did; don't ever change it. (My secret is dry onion soup mix & salsa instead of ketchup; give it a try!! :-)
• If I hear the song "Happy" again by Pharrell, my ears will bleed. I like it, but enough is enough already

Finally, the NaBlo prompt for today: Friday, March 21, 2014 - Do you do more for yourself or for others? I DEFINITELY do more for others before I do for myself. Even when I'm out in public, I'll go the extra step to make sure a person who needs help gets it. I'm a giver & doer for others; it makes me feel so good. Like a win/win situation.

Ciao!!

There are no "sides"

I am the daughter

Remember how your parents always were in charge of your lives until you grew up and moved on?

What happens when the roles are forced to change?

Your are the mother

And what happens when the role reversal is met with sheer, intense resistance? When the mother will never admit there are things she can't or doesn't remember? Is it her fear of losing independence? What about when you have 7 siblings who the mother calls "those other people" because they, too, have expressed concern?

Role reversal can be scary

It's time to lay down the role of 'best friend, encourager, cheer-er upper, running buddy" and be honest. When I expressed my own concerns, they were met with disdain. "You've been talking to "them!" "I need you to have you OWN opinion!" "I need someone I can depend on to support me "against them!"

Sigh... there are no "thems", there are only "us." ALL of us. I shared that all concern came from nothing but love.

There are no sides.