Running on Empty

I'm a "runner."

Nope, not a physical runner.

Not a 'carpet runner' on the floor.

I'm a feeling-runner.

When I touch the flame and it burns, I run.

This is nothing I'm truly proud of. It's a deeply instilled fight or flight response.

When I was a young wife and mother & things didn't work, I ran. Neither he or I was mature enough to make any adult type decisions on marriage/motherhood. I couldn't see any light @ the end of the tunnel. So I ran. Three thousand miles & aside from the living proof of my son, I acted like it never happened.

Recently, when a male friend whom I shared serious closeness/intimacy with chose 'not me', I ran. Not far, though, because he lives all of 5 mins. from my home. But chances are slim that we run into each other, so I unfriended him on social media as well. It was too painful for me to see pictures of him with his "Queen." And I'm pretending it was all nothing.

A couple years back; same thing. Different man, same flight response. No social media interaction, rarely run into each other in this small town, even though my heart drips with heartache for what could have been. And I'm pretending it was all nothing.

What causes this fear of intimacy? Until I can approach the subject without feeling like it's life or death, I'll never know.

Namaste

Pictures by: me (shot thru a chain-linked fence because the asses @ the fair wanted $8 just for parking and I wasn't feeling it.... ✊)

Tell Yourself

Pinterest

Pinterest

Pinterest

Now, let's get busy BELIEVING Ourselves.

I want to turn the clock back to when people lived in small villages 

 and took care of each other. ~Pete Seeger

Some years ago, I noticed after I lived on this tiny street that it was odd that all the houses had huge trellised rose bushes. Now this was some 15 years ago and folks have done their own thing, like tearing the rose bushes out. By the time I arrived, there was no bush at my house, but I was bestowed with generates of extremely hearty Morning Glories.

But I thought what a time of friendship that must've been.

What is a friend? I'm picturing neighborly friends who: shared excesses of their veggie gardens; shared extra plant seeds; shared rose bush cuttings, shared morning glory seeds, shared fresh made bread; spent time on each others porches, cried together, laughed together, shared meals together, helped each other, loved each other as neighbors, and took care of each other.

What a time that must've been.

Picture: me (patio Hibiscus. My first. It thrives.)

Carry On Tuesday phrase prompt: 'what is a friend?'

"Do You....

 I don't usually get into religious or political things with folks. No religion talks because everyone has their own faith in their own higher power.

I don't talk politics because I am extremely politically incorrect. I don't know enough (or never paid attention enough) to know what was going on, so I steer clear.

... See

 A few days ago, a close friend, who considers himself Islam, sent me a couple of YouTube vids. of a Pastor who mentored him back in the day. The pastor was saying what lies the Bible tells, and the books of the Bible are all stories made up & translated. He said the "King James" version of the Bible was created by a man named James Stuart.

There was another video called "There is no Jesus & he's not coming Back." I didn't bother to watch that one because I couldn't get past the first video.

... what

 I told my friend that this was against everything I had ever learned in my life, and while it was interesting to give a listen, I couldn't agree with it because I know who my Lord & Savior are. The pastor that preaches this & has many videos out there, almost made it sound racially charged.

The things I heard stung me! As my thoughts lingered on them, I had to have some quiet meditation to refocus myself.

I...

...See?"

I KNOW God is my Father. He has gotten me through SO much, and I KNOW Jesus is in my heart and he died on the rugged cross for all of our sins. My faith sustains me; keeps me calm in the storm; God's arms comfort me when I need hugging, love & understanding.

When I was a child, about 9/10 yrs. & took the "big plunge" of asking Jesus to come into my heart forever, my most super favorite Bible School teacher taught me on my five fingers that Jesus said:
1) I
2) shall
3) never
4) leave
5) thee


He never has, and I'll be damned if I start to ever doubt Him.

I'll call this learning lesson: Different strokes for different folks (courtesy of Sly & the Family Stone) Lol.

Pictures taken by: me

Created by: God

Amen :-)

49 Bye-Byes

While you guys weren't looking, I turned 49 last Saturday! Yay! - thankful & blessed for yet another year.

 I got the title of this post from a great song by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young on the "Four Way Street - Live" album. The words don't apply to me as it's a guy singing about letting his girl walk away with another man, but the title popped in my head & I thought 'why not?'

The birthday was the usual - very low key by my own choice I suppose. The routine going out to eat didn't excite me, nor did... well, anything. There was a jazz/blues fest downtown, but I wasn't familiar with the artists, plus it was so hot.

So, I chose to spend it my way. In the quiet & basically alone, which was just fine with me.

So in this new year of wisdom, I choose a few goals from my 2012 Life Handbook:

1.  Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while I walk, smile.
2.  Read more books than I did in 2011
3.  Sleep (nightly) for 7 hours
4.  Make peace w/my past so it doesn't spoil my present
5. Call and/or see family more often
6.  Forgive everyone for everything
7.  Create & keep in touch with friends
8.  Believe the best is yet to come
9.  When I awake alive each morning, thank God for it; and
10. My inner most is always happy. So... be happy!!!