Three Hundred Sixty-Three Days

 

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"

As surreal as it still seems, my son has been gone from Earth for 2 days short of a year today. 

Time has soften the blow but the wind can still be knocked from my sails at any moment, at any time. I let myself roll w/the tide when it comes, letting myself cry until I'm short of breath w/a blinding headache. 

Then once it passes, I always thank God for his Master Plan, for taking away all suffering and for blessing me by letting me 'borrow' this sweet soul for 36 years. He changed my life in ways that are too numerous to count. I always like to say he raised me instead of me raising him. So much truth to that.

My usual day off is Thursday, but this week it (ironically) falls on Wednesday, the 4th, which is the day James took Jesus' hand and off to Heaven they went. It's been hard to kick memories of him leaving me and how bad it was, but my heart has learned to 'be still' & know that God orchestrates all things for the good. I know James is in a wonderful place, doing wonderful things and is filled w/happiness & joy & that pretty much gets me thru each day.

So, on that note, I don't know how I will honor my love 2 days from now. But whatever it is, it will be done with love.

Thanks for reading.