Three Hundred Sixty-Three Days

 

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"

As surreal as it still seems, my son has been gone from Earth for 2 days short of a year today. 

Time has soften the blow but the wind can still be knocked from my sails at any moment, at any time. I let myself roll w/the tide when it comes, letting myself cry until I'm short of breath w/a blinding headache. 

Then once it passes, I always thank God for his Master Plan, for taking away all suffering and for blessing me by letting me 'borrow' this sweet soul for 36 years. He changed my life in ways that are too numerous to count. I always like to say he raised me instead of me raising him. So much truth to that.

My usual day off is Thursday, but this week it (ironically) falls on Wednesday, the 4th, which is the day James took Jesus' hand and off to Heaven they went. It's been hard to kick memories of him leaving me and how bad it was, but my heart has learned to 'be still' & know that God orchestrates all things for the good. I know James is in a wonderful place, doing wonderful things and is filled w/happiness & joy & that pretty much gets me thru each day.

So, on that note, I don't know how I will honor my love 2 days from now. But whatever it is, it will be done with love.

Thanks for reading.

Glory In the Humdrum

Fall is here.

Happiness is a tiny waffle maker

Nerve-soothing "Sha-mo-lee" (as a friend calls it. Lol)

Glow on the Mantle, plus one of my girls

The Choleus on the patio continues to grow huge in the Fall air

Throws are mandatory ('always happy/everything happy')

On the line/in the wind. No better smell, ever.

Breakfast, courtesy of the tiny waffle maker 😋

Besides twinkle lights, tea candles are my 2nd love

"A Perfect Stranger" This is my girl, "Charlie" I met in the park on a photo walk.

I'm in love. She's so beautiful

Just one of the Hibiscus that continues to give me love

"Temu" is like crack. Lol. So many cool things. "Let It Be" is my go-to

I'm a Mum hoarder as opposed to letting die @ the store because  of lack of water 😠

I think everyone should always have posies in a vase for smiling purposes

"Enjoy whatever season you are in. There will be hard seasons, quiet seasons, turbulent seasons. Let God carry you through, ride on the wings of the Eagle. Seek, observe, listen and be grateful to God for all things. In Jesus name I pray, Amen"

In this season, I struggle to find joy. I found this prayer and it lifted my heart, reminding me to count my blessing, which are TOO numerous to actually count. Even thru the times when sit alone in the quiet, nap to escape, neglect self-care, I still need to fight the fog to find joy. The pictures above, alone, are just small reminders of how good life really is. And I am thankful. 

Happy May!

 

$9 bucks; put together in 5 minutes. Awesome stained glass.

The porch is "open." 

Hey. I'm welcoming all the blooms of flowers & trees everywhere in this fresh Season. I even re-seeded and planted grass for over 1/2 of my yard where the roofers left a buncha crap that killed the grass. You can see the straw I spread quickly. The  birds were acting like they were @ Golden Corral resty. It's growing like wildfire w/the temps, rain & humidity. Shout out to lawn guy, Jason, for totally tilling the ground. I was just gonna use a rake. Lol. Yay, me. 💪

Why is everything more cute when it announces its content?

Who says your 'grease can' has to be ugly? Lol.

This was a 'too cute - must have' until I found the one above that actually said "Honey"

Now, what to do? 😟

Filled w/my favorite

Thanks, Temu. 

The 'New Spring'

I napped thru the storm that brought on the fabulous rainbow. The last 2 pix are after the 'bow' passed. If you didn't see it, you'd never know it happened. 

This Spring is new for obvious reasons. It has a calm, quiet vibe to it that I've longed for but never thought would happen any time soon. We basically had no winter so everything is bursting out w/a vengeance, giving my sinuses royal hell. I'm still changing things; happy w/the bathroom going black/white & minimal. One room @ a time. I'm still trying to process .... life.

Amazing assembled while drinking wine

For the love of trees, the scheme became black/white

"Nesting"

Cute bench from a friend's mother's home. The arrangement has changed many times.

Blessed to get 'the kid's Thanksgiving table' from Mom's. Happy me/happy kitchen. 😊

Roasted Brussels Sprouts & Bacon. Life-giving.

Finally making a Terrarium dream come true. Assembled by yours truly. 💪💪

Bu-bye nasty glass shower doors; hello this. It was all so easy.

What my home has now become. A 2-story, 7 room 'She.' So thankful & blessed.

A total Temu fan. Cool stuff for so cheap. Double standard here? 😎

"Soothing Eucalyptus" by Tuscany. Fave.

Figuring out I have 'good light' all over the house. "Figgy" (Fiddle Leaf) in my bedroom

The "Prince(ess) of Orange"

What does it mean to be nesting?

noun: "the tendency to arrange one's immediate surroundings, such as a work station, to create a place where one feels secure, comfortable, or in control"

Just been nesting.

(photos courtesy of cuppa"T"Photography

My Story, Part II

 

I'm curious about this second half of my story now that I'm alone. Then I read this by Jennifer Camp from "Loop":

"... But there are pages being written now, My love, pages of story with you as the protagonist. You are the center of the story I am writing with you. And you get to decide, so much, of what happens. You get to work with Me in the shaping of your story, the rise and fall of the details of your life. 

No, you don’t have control over it all. No, you can’t change the setting sometimes, or the other characters with whom you interact. For sometimes I bring those people in and these events into your life, for you to see Me more, love Me and pour Me out a bit more. But you do choose how to enter into your story, or how to dismiss opportunities I bring, reject people you could love. You have a say in what you do within the story. You have a say in whom you love and whom you don’t love, in where you go and what you do with your time.

Oh, your story, My love . . . Do you see it written out? Do you see My fingerprints upon the page? I love looking at it, all the good that has happened, all the places in you where I want to bring hope, all the places in you that still need healing, still need freedom. There are places in you where you still need to see where I was, how I loved you in each place of heartache, disappointment, and pain.

So, let Me show you the story of your life through My eyes. I have some new things to show you, some rises and falls you have not yet seen. And it’s good. I will show you the places where I come, with My presence and My hope and My love, to make it good.

Does this sound good? Let’s look, together, at your story." ~ Love, God

Randoms

This morning, a customer who is a surgical nurse @ the hospital where James was, and a fellow believer in Jesus put something on my heart that was so right on time. I shared with her that when I try to remember good times w/my son, my mind automatically goes to when his illness/decline began. It was such a slow trauma. I told her about his autism, then realizing in Heaven he isn't autistic or not born Fragile X or dealing w/the fatal Scleroderma & I wondered what he was like holding conversations with informative thoughts & responses.  .

She reminded me:

• that son is with God 
• his new body is perfect
• God loaned him to me (I always said that myself 😏)
• God created the disabled & they sit 'high in Heaven'
• God is loving on him 10x more than I EVER DID/COULD
• my son is doing WONDERFUL things in the Kingdom
• we are all on borrowed time

That was enough to set my heart at rest. I'm sure I'll still have triggers but as she said, 

when you start to feel like that again, remember everything I just told you. She also told me God sends angels with messages to us whether we realize it or not.

I told her she was living proof of that. Her name is Michelle. 'Angel Michelle' from now on. 💓💓

Mood

I've taken to not turning on TV when I come home. I let this soak in for a couple of hours before letting in 'the noise.'  And more times that not, I end up canceling the noise.

Something I haven't done for a very long time. 

Lavender Rose (love!!!!)