Over the weekend, it felt very surreal, especially on Sunday night when I had nothing to prepare for. I filed an unemployment claim online (wow - times have changed since my last firing, Lol). I am prayerful, but I know if any decision is left to my ex-employer, he will deny any attempts. They barely wanted to give employees money (no raises in 7 years), let alone someone who no longer works there.
Prayers, inhaling, then exhaling.
So in these few days, I've done nothing. And I mean nothing. My feelings at first were: failure, what am I really meant to do, etc. Everyone says take time, rest, create, be productive, however, I still feel a heavy weight. My aura is dull. Thinking of finances overwhelms me right now.
I'm still getting up each morning as 6:00 a.m. to make sure son is out the door & to take my dogs out, so there's no sleeping in. Once I hit the coffee pot & get online, I'm awake. There are plenty of things I could do around the house, but cleaning just isn't in me right now. I feel very tired. Last night, I shut off all things electronic, laid 'cross my bed in total silence & read 3 magazines, cover to cover.
I look at my mess of a desk with all it's inks, stamps, cards, etc., & can't find the groove to create anything right now. A friend suggested that it being springtime, that I hit up all the local nurseries as my love for people & all things flowers would be good for me. At first I got super-excited at the thought, then my mind wandered back to finances.
I truly do not want to go back to the office setting; especially law firms. I've been the office worker for 20+ years. So much attitude, arrogance, pettiness, gossip, mean-ness, blaming; I just want out of all that. Being a Walmart greeter or a cashier @ a grocery story sounds pretty good about now.
I don't know where this new road will take me, but for right now, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I haven't done anything more than wash my face, brush my teeth, shower & that's it. My hair is wondering what the heck am I gonna do with it. (Lol) I haven't touch it in days aside from running my fingers through it. I just have no energy. I think perhaps still a little numb.
Peace, be still.