Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Testing, testing...





James 1:2-3 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
Well, friends, time to share. Last Friday 3/22/13 @ 3:25 p.m., I was let go from my job of 11 years. If you've read here before, you know I've mentioned that my workplace was going down, so I somewhat wasn't surprised. Even when I was told "this isn't working out," I wasn't surprised.

Over the weekend, it felt very surreal, especially on Sunday night when I had nothing to prepare for. I filed an unemployment claim online (wow - times have changed since my last firing, Lol). I am prayerful, but I know if any decision is left to my ex-employer, he will deny any attempts. They barely wanted to give employees money (no raises in 7 years), let alone someone who no longer works there.

Prayers, inhaling, then exhaling.

So in these few days, I've done nothing. And I mean nothing. My feelings at first were: failure, what am I really meant to do, etc. Everyone says take time, rest, create, be productive, however, I still feel a heavy weight. My aura is dull. Thinking of finances overwhelms me right now.

I'm still getting  up each morning as 6:00 a.m. to make sure son is out the door & to take my dogs out, so there's no sleeping in. Once I hit the coffee pot & get online, I'm awake. There are plenty of things I could do around the house, but cleaning just isn't in me right now. I feel very tired. Last night, I shut off all things electronic, laid 'cross my bed in total silence & read 3 magazines, cover to cover.

I look at my mess of a desk with all it's inks, stamps, cards, etc., & can't find the groove to create anything right now. A friend suggested that it being springtime, that I hit up all the local nurseries as my love for people & all things flowers would be good for me. At first I got super-excited at the thought, then my mind wandered back to finances.

I truly do not want to go back to the office setting; especially law firms. I've been the office worker for 20+ years. So much attitude, arrogance, pettiness, gossip, mean-ness, blaming; I just want out of all that. Being a Walmart greeter or a cashier @ a grocery story sounds pretty good about now.

I don't know where this new road will take me, but for right now, I feel like I could sleep for a week. I haven't done anything more than wash my face, brush my teeth, shower & that's it. My hair is wondering what the heck am I gonna do with it. (Lol) I haven't touch it in days aside from running my fingers through it. I just have no energy. I think perhaps still a little numb.

Peace, be still.

2 comments:

  1. I quit a toxic job two summers ago. I was terrified about finances and other money related things. I felt very depressed and low at the time, even though it had been my decision to leave. I applied for a job that I didn't feel qualified for, had a wonderful interview and got the job! It has been refreshing to completely change directions and work at a healthy place with wonderful people. I tell you all this to say don't lose hope. There is something out there for you and you will find it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you SO MUCH for these words of inspiration, Mrs. Lieber! You don't know how much this means to me. I am glad you found a good, healthy place to work. That is what I'm looking for. I'm proud of you for going for something YOU didn't feel qualified for - that showed faith. And you getting the job was even greater; clearly God KNEW you could do it. My days are slowly getting brighter. I am beginning to see hope. :-) Thank you, so much, again.

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