"Perhaps I am stronger than I think!" ~ Thomas Merton

Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Habit

Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters Nathaniel Emmons

Quality is not an act, it is a habit. Aristotle

A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them.  ~Frank A. Clark

"A large part of virtue consists in good habits." Barbara Paley

“Some rules are nothing but old habits that people are afraid to change.”
Therese Anne Fowler, Souvenir
An ode to "habit":
  • last night I set my alarm
  • turned it off & turned over
  • jumped up 1/2 hour later, totally frantic
  • i took my dogs outside
  • fixed son's breakfast
  • fretted over what to wear
  • slowly got attitude over having to even bother with 1/2 day of work
  • then had a thought. i was completely dis-combobulated
  • something was amiss 
  • i turned on the computer to compare the date
  • and realized, it's SUNDAY!!!
  • and it's 6:45 a.m.
  • I made a cup of tea, checked my email & sat in the quiet
  • and sat in awe at how 'off' my clock was
  • robotic

Defiant

The tornado has always been one of my most extreme fears. Weather freaked me out. Later in life, I am believing it was because my grandmother, MamaNell, terrified us as kids. Not to point blame, but she made us think that if we didn't shut the house down & sit in total darkness until a storm passed, we would surely be struck by lightning & meet God. Instantly.

I was paralyzed. Not until years later when I had to act brave for my very young son at the time did I face the storms of all my life.

Now, I have been having nightmares of tornadoes. I've always had them for years, but now it's almost every time I remember a dream. It's (the t-nado) always very close & I spend a lot of energy trying to get away until something else bizarre distracts me (i.e., suddenly @ work w/my pajamas on; battling w/neighbors I don't recognize. 

There is unrest & I wake exhausted from being totally defiant to the fear of it all. 

Pictures: Internet
Sunday Scribblings word prompt: "defiant'



Sunday

"When you saw only one set of  footprints, it was then that I carried you." ~ God
Wishing everyone wellness and peace in the upcoming new year. May your goals, dreams and wishes comes to fruition.

I read this today in "Jesus Calling" while doing my Bible study in my room. It surprises me how many things try to distract me during this time. From son busting in to ask goofy questions, to "D" doing the same. It truly irritates me when everyone knows what I'm doing. Anyway, this struck me and called me out! I don't usually like to write in my books, but I found this highlighter-worthy:
When you are dissatisfied with your behavior, you tend to feel unworthy of My Love. You may unconsciously punish yourself by withdrawing from Me and attributing the distance between us to My displeasure. Instead of returning to Me and receiving My Love, you attempt to earn My approval by trying harder.  All the while, I am aching to hold you in My everlasting arms, to enfold you in My Love. When you are feeling unworthy or unloved, come to Me.  Then ask for receptivity to My unfailing Love. 1 John 4:15-18, Deuteronomy 33:27; and Psalm 13:5.
This is me. When I know I've done things that I know don't please God, I hide. Just like Adam and Eve. my prayers are choppy and stunted, like a child admitting to his parents that he did, indeed, break the window, or any other repentance. Now any other time, I'm glad to know He's right by my side, but when I know He's giving me the side-eye, things just aren't right with my soul. But the most awesome thing is knowing He loves me, regardless. Such a comfort.

Here's to walking a much more true-er path in 2013.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Clean slate










I have noticed in my latter years that I can easily let things go. As frazzled, hectic and bizarre that life is, I find peace in waking each day with the attitude that something good will happen. And it usually does, if I am open to receive it. It may not be what I think or expect, but I cherish the feeling that when I wake, I know I have wiped the slate clean of yesterday, allowing today's blessings to come in. Namaste. :-)

Pictures: me
Carry On Tuesday word prompt: "i have wiped the slate clean"

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Meriness!!!

Merry Christmas, my friends and family. I can't believe how folks are not receptive to the word "Christmas" this year; it's freaky. They're only going with "Happy Holidays". I refuse to conform.

Looks like I'll be spending time alone this afternoon/evening; "D" has to go into work; Son will be deeply entranced w/his new CD player; mom wanted to stay home & cook, & my sisters are spending time w/their families. The three of us had a nice time opening what we could give; I had an entire bottle of Korbel Brut champagne (my self-imposed tradition) and we're all in chill mode.
"The Tree, 2012" :-)

Since we're not making a big deal of dinner, I skipped out on cooking 'the all out Christmas dinner.' "D" and I had left-over chili (yum), and Son will have left over pot roast. The ham & all that other crap will keep until the spirit moves me.

So, while I listen to Pandora Holiday Jazz, sip some more, maybe bake some cookies & make up a Christmas bag for the young teenage neighbor, I am thinking of all of you enjoying your holiday. I pray there is plenty of love, hugs, laughter, good food and merriment.

And that you are all blessed with the reason for the Season. Merry CHRISTmas and good, awesome, wonderful cheer. :-)




Monday, December 24, 2012

A Ray of Hope

Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.~ Thich Nhat Hanh
After a day of:
  • Rushing to work
  • Spilling coffee in the car
  • Having a near-miss accident
  • A traffic jam
  • Being pulled in 1,000 directions @ the office
  • Dealing with shit that rolls down hill
  • Dreaded office meetings
  • Unexpected clients
  • Rushing dinner
  • Rushing to basketball practice
  • Washing about 15 team uniforms
  • Then finally relaxing at 9:00 p.m.,
I watch the sun set. And the ray of hope that flickers in the sky let's me know that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh day, a better day, all because of the stress I handled today.


Picture: me
Carry On Tuesday word prompt: "a ray of hope that flickers in the sky"

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Comfort

A roast in the oven

Mashed potatoes, brown gravy, green beans & rolls competing

Homemade applesauce scenting the house from top to bottom

Sitting "Indian style"on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper

Taking quiet time to think

Basking in the comfort of the mundane
Sunday Scribblings word prompt: "comfort"

Advent Day 23/Peace on Earth.

O come, desire of Nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind.
Bid thou our sad divisions cease
And be thyself our King of Peace.
As the days draw closer to the birth of our King, my anticipation quickens. Even though it isn't about the receiving, but the giving, I was able to completely shop for Son & "D" w/out the rush of the crowd, or spending a lot of money. I was able to get things I know they need & want. That gave me a certain amount of peace.

As this past year of oh, so much violence comes to a close, I pray for greater peace in the coming year. Peace in our towns, cities, states, countries and the world.

As we enter another year of life, I pray that we will all stay faithful, peaceful, kind to ourselves and our loved ones, reach out to others, cultivate our relationships that mean so much to us, and keep God in the forefront of our lives.

Our faith, our Father & His Son is all we have left to hang onto to get through each and everything.

We are blessed.

~ Namaste

Picture: me (part of the "lights in the park" display near my home)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Advent Day 19/Happy Birthday

“It’s [old age] not a surprise, we knew it was coming – make the most of it. So you may not be as fast on your feet, and the image in your mirror may be a little disappointing, but if you are still functioning and not in pain, gratitude should be the name of the game.”
Betty White, If You Ask Me
My mama turned 80 years old today. She's as gorgeous as ever. She has good health, she has up and down days like all of us. She lives alone, she drives a Jeep, she bowls 3 times a week. still hits the gym & in an "ah-ha" moment, got all of her hair cut off into a sexy super short cut. When we talked on the phone (for 2 hours) last night, she told me she has decided to embrace her beauty. This is something that she NEVER thought she possessed. On this 19th day of Advent, I am grateful, thankful, and SO blessed to still have her in my life.

Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you.

Picture: Internet

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Advent Day 18/Blessed


I have always thought it would be a blessing if each person could be blind and deaf for a few days during his early adult life. Darkness would make him appreciate sight, silence would teach him the joys of sound. ~ Helen Keller





We are blessed, indeed.

  • with coats, shoes & warm clothing
  • with clean running water
  • with food to eat
  • to be alive
  • with warm places to sleep
  • health care
Yet so many people don't have these things. We take so much for granted sometimes. In keeping with 'the reason for the season', I'm still doing pretty good. The tree isn't decorated & I haven't purchased one single gift, Christmas is 7 days away, and I feel no stress.

I am too blessed to be stressed! Lol!!!

Picture: me
























Monday, December 17, 2012

Advent Day 17


She went to "Harrods" (Lol!)



Today's gratefulness comes in the form of being thankful for friendship.

My "Italiano Bella", Lisa D. who travels for the world for her job recently had business in London.

When we met up @ the guys' b-ball game, she told me she had something for me. Of course I bashed her (i.e., you didn't have to that, etc. Why do we say that when we know damn well we loves gifts? Lol)

She was bursting with excitement when she pulled out the Harrods bag. Now, I'm not a fancy girl in any way. I know nothing of labels or whose who/what's what, so when I went past the bag to get to the gift, she said DON'T YOU SEE THAT BAG? It's from HARROD'S, TRACEY; you know "THE" HARRODS. Well.... no I don't or didn't.

My bags usually carry the name of a local grocery or of some store that begins with the word "Dollar." Lol.

So, anywho, she gave me this absolutely beautiful teapot for one. I love everything about it. So 'girly' and so personal brewing my own personal cup. I feel much more elegant sipping tea from this rather than from my usual mug that says "Diva." (Lol!) I feel like I could sit down & have high tea w/the Queen & Kate Middleton.

I am grateful for my friends - those that are tangible, and my dear friends I have met here in cyberworld. As I always say, "I am blessed with your friendship." :-)

Pictures: me

Eventful

In the late 90's, my sister, Sharon, asks me to meet her in San Francisco to be a part of Oprah Winfrey's "Live Your Best Life Tour" for the weekend.

Scream.

I took the Friday off work & flew out that afternoon. It was a whirlwind dream. A guy I could've sworn (& still do) sat next to me & kept telling me he WASN'T David Ducovny (X-Files), but I insisted that he was. He ended up falling asleep on my shoulder. (Umm.. 'scuse me, David?) SanFran is over the top beautiful and over the top expensive. I wasn't ready for the wind or the cool (aka, cold) temps. I didn't pack right.

We stayed @ a beautiful hotel & Sat. morning headed down early to Knob Hill to be w/Opie. Okay... the hills of SanFran - you would have to have feet like a mountain goat. Don't bother doing your hair either, otherwise you WILL look one deranged woman. For all the primping & prancing my sister & I did before we left the hotel, by the time we got inside the building, we looked like we had been beaten. Severely.

The line to get inside was wrapped completely around the building with 2500+ women (& a few men). The wind was crazy, the air was freezing, we had that mountain goat thing going on, yet we all wanted to see Oprah. The rule was 'no cameras. ever.' Well, I wasn't getting that close w/no pictures, so we tried to snap undercover. Just when we were trying to stuff our cameras in our purses, a guard comes up and says, LADIES! I died a little & was ready to plead the 5th. But she says, "would you like to greet Oprah as she gets out of her limo?"

Die.

So we scream & she takes us behind a velvet rope where "Oprah would be approaching.' (Sheesh). Six (yes 6) limos pulled up in a row, and there she was with one of the biggest body guards I've ever known a human to be. I laughed cause he kinda looked like one of my brothers.

 Oprah 'freakin' Winfrey. Right here - this ([ ]) close, in live and living color. Smiling, shaking hands, hugging (if she chose to). I immediately zoomed in on her fab hair and yeah... it's all that. A very 'excited' guy gave her 12-long stemmed roses; she accepted them & rubbed his cheek. I think he collapsed. Suddenly he just went down. Lol. She had on A LOT of makeup outside, but inside on stage - she was elegantly beautiful.
We were very close like 4th/5th row. Oprah was right there ([ ])!!So, starting @ 9:00 a.m., we:
  • meditated (of course, I had to peek @ Oprah & see if she was doing it. She was)
  • ate breakfast (we ate & socialized - not w/Oprah. We met back up after we ate)
  • listened to her very funny, sad, painful, amazing life stories (she's very funny & very down to earth)
  • watched her kick off her stilettos & get her pair of "fuzzies" from off stage
  • listened to her heartaches & struggles with food
  • watched her give away a brand new SUV (the person that won was from Portland, OR)
  • watched her give special prizes for those who had traveled the farthest (I thought I was good coming from the midwest, but a mother/daughter team from India took the cake. And the prize
  • listened to audiences' questions/comments & Oprah's answers while a mic was passed around
  • broke for lunch (on Oprah, but not with Oprah. Lol)
  •  accepted her awesome duffle bags full of goodies
  • on breaks, laughed, hugged & loved perfect strangers because we were a sisterhood
I took (stole?) the terra cotta pot of roses from our lunch table & dried them when I got home. A good memory, huh? That was back when they didn't make you take your clothes off to fly. By the time I flew back home that Sunday, I felt so high, there were no words. The weather was clear across the whole country, I was miles high in the air, trusting God, I loved my sister even more (if possible) for giving me such a precious gift, and I was ready to live my best life.

While flying home, I filled about 15 pages of the cool journal that was in our gift/duffle bags. I was so charged up from the whole experience. It was a lovely gift in my life that certainly was eventful to say the least :-)

Pictures: Internet
Sunday Scribblings word prompt: Eventful

Friday, December 14, 2012

Evil

For the little angels that were harmed in today's tragedy in Connecticut. My prayers.

I walk the street daily, yet not knowing who amongst us are angels or devils.
My innocence and naivety allows me to wear glasses of a rose colored shade.
Shading my mind from evil that harms, kills, mames, abuses, murders, starves.
But when I remove my glasses and face the real light
I can barely see through the tears running down my face
Evil appears to be the 'new normal'
Stealing the very ones we love right out from under us.
And if there is any comfort in this verse, "For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil (Ecclesiates 12:14)
I pray that it will seep into the hearts of all of those who hurt
Amen.

Picture: me :-(

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Advent Day 9

Okay, clearly I suck @ keeping a daily assignment. There seems to never be time. And when there is time, I'm not inspired.

 I am grateful for:
  • the confidence of friends
  • the joy mom says I bring to her just by being with her
  • that no matter how mom feels, she always makes it to son's games
  • family
  • funny conversations with my son (unbeknownst to him)
  • the calm I feel this holiday. No pressure
  • fresh, live Christmas tree smell
  • my dogs & that I'm able to take care of them. their unconditional love is infectious. 
  • that it looks like we may be able to get the 2nd car in a couple of days
  • the love & comraderie of our Special Olympic family

When I think of home

 This time of year reminds of a time long ago. When were mere children that LOVED the sign of snow.
We hung around the radio, listening to WHBC; fingers crossed, wishing, that because of snow, no school there would be
 This was THEE time to gather with friends, for sledding, building forts & snowball to the face (Lol!)
 Now that I am an adult,  I think nothing will ever take that place.

Christmas was coming & Santa was near. Our house filled with presents, fruits, candies, & family so dear

I could go on & on, but don't wanna drone

But these are the things I think, when I think of home.
:o)


Lol! Carry on Tuesday: "when I think of home"
(PS: these pictures are from 3/2011; thank God we haven't seen anything like this - thus far.)

Grounded


How can I be me when you constantly say
You don't understand how I operate this way

I am the dreamer, with the wonderment of a child. You are the cynic, easily riled

For many years we have been bounded. When neither of us truly well rounded.
The time passes & years have abounded.


But, oh, how my heart longs to be grounded

Pictures: me
Sunday Scribbling word prompt: "grounded"