Thursday, March 26, 2015

2015



I've been needing to get stuff out of my head into this space for such a while, that now I can't put words together! It's good to be back in my little piece of the world after being offline since mid-November. To catch up: Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Valentine's Day and Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Now, back to me. Lol.

Things are going along, with or without me. The status of my house is still in the air. I've worried myself over it so long that I've just given it to God. Worrying doesn't fix or add anything to the situation. Actually, I've come to a calming peace about it.

March 23rd was three years that I've been out of work. I won't dwell on that one right now.

Mom is becoming increasingly forgetful, which is good considering she's 82 years. I cannot put into words the way I feel about watching her lose herself. She also seems increasingly sad. I mean she was never a happy person anyway, but now she can't find the joy in anything.

I'm very patient with her though. She may ask the same question 4 times w/in 20 minutes, but it's okay. She's still beautiful and still getting around, so there is much to be thankful for.

I've been reading TONS of books and magazines over these months. I should've made a list to share. I picked up this little cutie; it so fits me :-)


Spring has arrived!! I already see signs of plants returning after a brutal cold winter. It's always amazing how God does everything in His own time. There is a time and season for everything, and He's always right on time. "To everything turn, turn, turn........"

Peace & light.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Holy crap; Holidays are coming


I am one of the folks who puts so much pressure on themselves for the holidays that I truly go numb. I mean numb like my anxiety reaches such a height that I don't have room for one other thought. Here are my bullet points so I'll keep it short.
  • I'm not working (still)
  • Bills (what else is new)
  • Christmas shopping on extremely limited funds
  • Having my mother over for Thanksgiving (she barely eats anything & last year kept her coat on - SCREAM!!!)
  • This causes me to drink more wine than usual
  • Cooking Thanksgiving dinner (when I'm panicked, I can't focus & cook my best)
  • This causes me to drink more wine than usual
  • What to get for James (son) for Christmas - especially w/very limited funds
  • My sister's annual Ohio State v. Michigan game (great company, great food, but WAY too much alcohol consumed by all, especially the Sig.Other (sigh...........))
  • This makes me not want to attend, but I will... which will cause me to drink more wine than usual. :-)
Then on the other hand, I long for the families and the commercials showing everyone gathering for the holidays, laughing, exchanging gifts & having a good time. All the way down to the perfect Christmas decorations by Pier One. Lol.

I would like to enjoy the holidays in these ways:

"Christmas by Pier 1"

"A calm, happy, normal Thanksgiving"; and

"A nice, elegant New Years"
I told mom that I wish our family had traditions we adhered to yearly. She told me to star my own traditions. What is she trying to do, give me a stroke? Lol. But.... if I want it, it has to start with me. And that would cause me to drink more wine that usual. :-)


Photographs via the Internet




NaBloPoMo, Day 20

I'm just joining in at Day 20; don't ask me why I'm so late because I truly won't have an answer. Lol.

"Do you have a book in you? Fact or fiction? Related to your blog or totally different?
 
For as much as I love to write, I don't have any type of book that would be worth publishing inside of me. In fact, it's more like an ongoing daydream as I'm a hopeless romantic. You know - like some sort of Hallmark movie. It's completely different from my blog.
 
I'm always dreaming of:
  • Living in a big, beautiful, old farmhouse
  • with a big, strapping beautiful man
  • who absolutely could not live without me
  • and me without him
  • he chops wood for our fire places
  • he builds anything from nothing
  • he raises goats to keep the grass down on our acreage
  • we hold hands & go for long walks
  • we snuggle in front of the fire place
  • and then we live happily ever after  and all that shit
See? There is no book inside me.
 
Just dreams.
"me and he"
 

Saturday, November 15, 2014

High Anxieties


Having a bit (well, actually a shit load) of anxiety at everything going on right now. I'm finding it very hard to keep my mind still. I had all these things I was going to list, but thought that would be a buzz-kill, so I'll just hold it in (not good).

I will give thanks for another day and all that comes with because as we were taught, 'someone is having a rougher go at it than I am.'

I'm thankful that my resume was noticed @ CareerBuilder.com, even though the job turned out to be in another City. (Scream). At least it's "out there", huh?

I'm thankful for the load of golden leaves about 2 feet deep on my patio. I know everyone rushes to rake, but I like 'walking through the golden."

Otherwise, I'll keep trying to hang in there.

Seagulls @ the park

Saturday, October 11, 2014

God's Pallette


Hey there! It's been a little while. I cannot believe we are on our 11th day of October!!! Time truly does fly. Such a cliché phrase, yet so apparent.

We're having color changes here in Ohio; some trees are brilliant, yet some still hold onto their summer greens. I am fascinated each year at God's Pallette.

Peaceful, bright Westlawn Cemetery. Bliss.

Amazing!!!
Things going on in my life right now:
  • Been on a few job interviews to no avail :-(. Trusting in God and practicing patience
  • Praying on doubting myself. After each failed interview, a little piece of my 'worth' feels stripped away
  • Praying strongly that my mortgage company can work w/me on keeping my house
  • Praying strongly that we can find a soft place for my mother to land. Her house is being sold,  she has to be uprooted. This is such a tender matter for me. I'm more worried about her well-being than I am for myself. She is 81 years old, after all. I never imagined dealing with this and seeing the truly 'elderly' in mom. Makes my heart ache
  • I haven't been able to get to stylist in months!!! Trying not to look like 'Grandma Moses'; Lol!!
"Changes"

Mini 'Burning Bush'
And that is about all I have going on. I'm 'living the dream'. :-)