Thursday, March 23, 2017

It's March 23rd Already???

(Blowing in the mic - "IS THIS THING ON??")

*crickets chirping* 👀

Well, apparently I've laxed the entire month of February and a good chunk of March. I can't tell you how many times I've come here, sat in front of a blank page, then left. Seems like it's so difficult to put my thoughts into words.

I've come to the conclusion that time truly flies when it revolves around bills and pay days. How unfair is that?

Unemployed - still, but not sweating it.

My sister and I have been getting into different art mediums. She's doing free hand painting on canvas; I turned her onto You Tube videos and there she went. Now - like me - when she can't sleep, she goes to her craft room and creates in the night. She changed her master bedroom into her work room so the amount of space she has is cray-cray. I hate her.......😝

I've been trying molding paste (aka Joint Compound I found in my basement) on canvas. This woman is my new true love. She makes everything look SO easy.

And here's my first attempt pre-sanding/painting.

First attempt
I love the texture and cannot wait to get started on another. One thing I have to learn to do is stop acting like I HAVE to be just like online artists. It's all experimental; playing around to see how things come out. I need to trust my inner-play and just let go of rules.

Here is another piece I started with bleeding tissue paper on canvas. I ADORE the texture it gives and the colors POP! I got the dried 'things' from outside off my Black-Eyed Susan bush that lives like this thru the winter until it re-blooms. It's sitting aside until I can figure out what's next with it.


They stay put thanks to the almighty Mod Podge & Elmers Spray Glue.

The plan is to have a garden this year. I have abundant sunshine now (since 'the tree' incident) and plenty of space so why not? Our local library has a free seed give away to encourage folks to grow their own food - I am SO all in. I grew up with a garden and have always loved planting, nurturing, growing then eating food grown right outside the door.

I used to have a blog page several years ago called "If I Plant It, It Will Grow." I documented my tiny garden from beginning to end. It was lots of fun. I think I will do that again, but I'll keep it to just this page - trying to keep 2 blogs going was quite a bit to chew.

Other than that - everything is still everything. I have more to say, but my eyes are growing tired.

Until next time!!! 👅


Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Checking In

Come to my Window ~ Melissa Ethridge
(Photo by me)
I'm still being faithful to the 31 days of yoga with Adrienne. I find that when I feel out of sorts, etc., dropping down to the mat really does wonders. I look forward to it; the breathing & stretching into Asanas. Yoga is so not an easy thing. Using your body against your body is better than any weight at any gym. Also, the Yoga Journal Magazine has taken on a whole new meaning. Besides reading about it, I'm BEING about it.

As part of Grandbaby's Cakes Soul Food Movement, (I love her), I'm working on a vision board/ boards. I've been a collage maker for a long time, but never one with any 'direction'. I'm working on one for travel, dreams, and positivity. Manifesting my dreams, speaking them into existence. It took me about a week to figure out what my dreams are.

Picked up a few books at the library:

Pat Conroy's Lowcountry stories always capture me. I've dreamed forever of going there (vision board)

A friend recommended this to me years ago; just now getting around to it.

I'm a nature lover as well!!!

Who doesn't love a good 'rags to riches' story? Especially for a young African American girl.

And finally, who doesn't love a good, sad memoir?

Otherwise, I'm hanging in there. I have an offer to return to First Christian's Day Program for work, but I'm SO not feeling it. My brother says go where my spirit calls. My spirit obviously isn't calling me to it.

Namaste

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Getting to know 'Mat"

After reading way too much about it & not doing anything about it, I finally decided to get to know "Mat."

She's nice. Comfortable. Long & squishy.

While she's beautiful to look at, she supports my efforts and encourages me to keep going.

I love being with her in the morning and evening.

Moving into beginner positions, trying to not breathe like a wild dog in heat. 😬

I want this to become of my daily routine. Pushing muscles that I haven't used in years.

I'm much more motivated to do this at home as opposed to signing up for a class. Plus, I can't afford a class right.

And, I really like Adrienne as an instructor. She's pretty cool.

My Photo

My Photo

Namaste.

Monday, January 9, 2017

In the Fog of things

My Photo

I'm in a really weird 'holding' pattern. That time after the Holidays, the beginning of the New Year. And I don't know what the hell to do with myself.

I am not comfortable.

Nor motivated.

It is what it is.

Friday, December 30, 2016

I Am A Badass...


This.

This book right here.

Gives me life.


In reading, I felt like "Jen" was speaking directly to me. I have so many pages tagged that I go back to.

Just to read & re-read. For assurance.

That I am definitely a Badass.

And proud of it.

💋

Your "Word" for 2017


I'm proud of myself for completing thus far 29 photo prompts of December Reflections. The only 2 I missed were days 24 and 25 and I don't believe in going back in this case. I enjoy these because it makes my brain connect a picture to the prompts. It wasn't difficult since I shoot about a gazillion pictures making it easy to go back & connect one with the other.

I will not participate in the last day. I mean I will, but it won't be "MY" word. I've decided not to have a word for the upcoming year. There are already plenty of words out there; I don't need to put another pain in my ass for feeling like failure when I don't 'live up' to the word.' I have enough on my mind.

For instance, the word below was my 2016 word. Yes, I came out strong creating a bold, kick-ass banner that screamed as much. However, I realized in the last few hours of the old year that I haven't done one damn thing that equates 'brave.'

My "2016 unused word" (Photo by Me)

If you want to call walking out on a stressful new job after a 3 year dry period 'brave', then you can count that. I didn't feel brave at all. I felt like I was leaving before the door hit me in the ass, so to speak. It's less painful when you 'fire' yourself than to hear it coming from your boss. Lol!!

My ever-wise friend, Se'lah, gave me this bit of knowledge tonight:
"If something doesn't personally make a difference in your life, there is no need to embrace it." 
My Photo

What? I don't?? Her saying that was SO freeing!!! Why the hell couldn't I have figured that out myself? I need to surround myself more folks spitting wisdom. Now I need to dig into myself to see what other shit is holding me hostage and why I feel married to shit that doesn't make me feel good.

Peace, light and DUH!!!! 😡

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Everyone Has A Story

An elder lady let me go ahead of her in the grocery line today. Since she was so kind & friendly, I inquired as to what she was going to prepare with quite a bit of pork. In the time it took for me to check out, I learned/loved of her:

  • Friendly
  • Kind
  • 83 years old
  • She still drives herself everywhere
  • She wore makeup (brows, powder & lipstick)
  • Her outfit was pulled together
  • She loves cooking
  • FROM SCRATCH
  • She cooked daily for her husband and six (6) children; FROM SCRATCH
  • TV dinners, if ever, were a "treat" or a "snack"
  • Her adult children now cook for their families FROM SCRATCH
  • She makes her own Chow-Mein
  • She makes her own HANDMADE NOODLES for said Chow-Mein
  • She's a pork lover; no chicken and/or beef
  • She used be well-known for her pork chop dishes
  • She uses bone-less pork chops & Kraut in the crock pot every year for New Year's (one of her son's favorites)
  • Her mother died when she was 2 years old
  • She grew up in foster homes, the longest being on a farm
  • By the time she was 10 years old, she could prepare a full course meal - alone
  • Folks aren't kind like they used to be
  • She wished my mom a Happy Birthday!! :-)
  • Her biggest fear is Alzheimer's/Dementia
  • Her Aunt had Alzheimer's and it was/is a horrible condition
  • She tries to stay sharp by doing what she loves
  • She wished me a Happy New Year
  • She hugged me
When I got to my car, hot tears streamed down my face. I felt super-blessed to have had that brief peek into her life, to have met her. But on the other hand, I felt truly bad for mom. My mother was NEVER a bubbly, conversation-starter, friendly person, but when I looked at this lady one year younger than mom, and still so full of life.....

Today, I was definitely in the right place at the exact right time. And I thank God for that.

Peace.
Beautiful, vibrant stranger (Google Image)

Monday, December 12, 2016

Reading

As the upcoming Holiday season presses down on me, I can't tear myself away from this book.



I picked it up to get some insight with what's going on with mom and I'm getting insight out the ass!

I'm probably only into the fourth chapter and have more than 10 sticky-tabbed pages that I can relate to.

It's almost like we (sibs & I) wrote the book, yet I'm reading it for the first time.

Over the weekend, the promise I previously made to myself to celebrate this Season like a child is quickly diminishing. I don't know if my sadness or bewilderment is because of the book or not. Recognizing so many changes in mom makes me torn. I'm sad @ what's happening to her, pissed at her sometimes CRUEL words and heartbroken watching her try to hang on to what used to be her normalcy.

Yet, with each page I turn to, there 'our situation' is, staring me right in my face.

I'm glad to have found a book written so true, raw and real. I love the way the author is so honest with her feelings.

While preparing Christmas cards, I left mom out. This is something I NEVER would have done, but she doesn't show the slightest bit of interest in..... well.... nothing. Nothing more than having someone drive her all over the city with no intentional destination. Mom was never one to stay at home. When she was still lucid and able to drive, she would take long rides, daily.

She said it got her out of the house. We called it running away from herself. She's never been one to love herself, nor her own company. Hopping behind the wheel was the way she didn't have to deal with her own demons, whatever they may be.

But now, her outings are at our command and limited to friends who take her bowling and our trips to grocery/doctor appts. She's adamant about having a newspaper daily only for us to discover she doesn't read them. I don't think she still does her Bible study either, even though if you ask her, her first quick answer will be YES! I read everything I get my hands on.

Not true. So I knew she would have no appreciation for my photo card I created. Just like she wasn't interested in the "I'm Thankful For You Because...." Thanksgiving card. 😑 She glanced at it, put it down & left it next to her plate at my sister's Thanksgiving dinner.

So...it's either all of that. Or either I need more stamps to finish off mailing my cards; there's no place for the Christmas tree; I'm basically broke or...........


Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Feelin' Me



My Collage

So.... one day I realized when removing my head scarf from the night before, that I look rather 'regal' with this thing on. This very thing that I've worn since childhood (don't forget your HEAD RAG!!); this very thing that I see women sport on the regular thinking I would never dare try....

I took it a little further and added some sparkles from crafting down my forehead/third eye and added a touch of lip stick.

And Queen Makeda arrived. I'm not real fond of photos of myself, especially when I try taking a 'selfie' with a full scale DSLR (I don't own a smart phone), but here, I feel.... pretty.

Someone told me I looked like Maya Angelou.

I replied: "AND STILL I RISE." :-)

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Tell Yourself

Pinterest

Pinterest

Pinterest

Now, let's get busy BELIEVING Ourselves.

Just a few

Loved it!!
I never wanted to return this book to the library.

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Even though I probably have enough spiritual reading books to start my own book store, I still adored this one. Mrs. Meyers is so kick ass.



And even though I thought this one would sappy/happy, it really is a good story of faith. Do things like these actually happen?

It's March 23rd Already???

(Blowing in the mic - "IS THIS THING ON??") *crickets chirping* 👀 Well, apparently I've laxed the entire month of Februar...