Randoms

This morning, a customer who is a surgical nurse @ the hospital where James was, and a fellow believer in Jesus put something on my heart that was so right on time. I shared with her that when I try to remember good times w/my son, my mind automatically goes to when his illness/decline began. It was such a slow trauma. I told her about his autism, then realizing in Heaven he isn't autistic or not born Fragile X or dealing w/the fatal Scleroderma & I wondered what he was like holding conversations with informative thoughts & responses.  .

She reminded me:

• that son is with God 
• his new body is perfect
• God loaned him to me (I always said that myself 😏)
• God created the disabled & they sit 'high in Heaven'
• God is loving on him 10x more than I EVER DID/COULD
• my son is doing WONDERFUL things in the Kingdom
• we are all on borrowed time

That was enough to set my heart at rest. I'm sure I'll still have triggers but as she said, 

when you start to feel like that again, remember everything I just told you. She also told me God sends angels with messages to us whether we realize it or not.

I told her she was living proof of that. Her name is Michelle. 'Angel Michelle' from now on. 💓💓

Mood

I've taken to not turning on TV when I come home. I let this soak in for a couple of hours before letting in 'the noise.'  And more times that not, I end up canceling the noise.

Something I haven't done for a very long time. 

Lavender Rose (love!!!!)

"Soft"

"Being a soft place to land is simply to be reliably and safely there for the person in your life. You're the one they go to with their problems, fears, tears, struggles, anxieties & faith. A soft place to land is the place they can let down and break down without pretense, fear of judgment, or undue worry."

Finally. 💖

Do you really know who you 'love?'

 

I need to say this. A murder/suicide happened b/tween a man and woman I went to school with. Not close friends in any way, but this is a small town. 

Everyone commented on how 'in love' they seemed to be. Married five years, travel, she was a business owner, homeowner; looked liked they had it all going on. From the outside looking in.

Then que the ugly 'bad music' that comes with every TV show that covers this type of thing. When the narrator's voice takes on the sinister sound of bad news.

Who knows what went on in their home that caused this damn to break. Word said she wanted him gone for whatever reasons. She'd had enough and sounded like that was too much for him to handle.

I know this experience first hand. When 'your person' doesn't give you the respect, love, support & nurturing you need. That's a red flag. 🚩. When your accomplishments aren't recognized but are belittled w/jealousy, that's a 2nd red flag 🚩. When everything becomes a competition, that's a 3rd red flag 🚩.So many more 🚩's that everyone reading this can add to.

The first time this type of marital suicide happened was many years ago when I was younger. A man killed his wife, then shot himself to cover it up. Mind was blown. Then the 'Lacy Petersen' tragedy & countless others @ the hands of domestic violence. People can create total lives with children, supposed 'love', trust, etc., then a life can be snuffed out in a blink because of an emotion?

I researched this: "As a criminal psychologist, I have examined and reported upon many offenders who have killed their partners and it is clear that they possess a number of common, persistent personality traits.  Inevitably, despite their bravado, they are inadequate men, with fragile egos."

To that end, now that I am newly alone after a 30+ year relationship that had me guessing at times, I thank God I am free. I will N-E-V-E-R let another person live in my home causing me to put my peace on hold. Never again interrupt my sanctuary. Never again talk down or belittle me. Never again have to answer to anyone but God. Never again allow myself to be so bruised.

Be safe. Be aware. When the smallest of 🚩's appear. Act. Pray for guidance & protect your peace & space. And your life. No 'love' is worth it.

Here Comes The Sun

 Everyday is a gift & fresh start