Dress Me Twice

 Hello, it's me. I've thought about you for a long, long time. ~ Todd Rundgren

Well... here we are nearly @ the end of another year. I can't put into words how the time has flown for me. So fast, I could/can hardly keep up with my thoughts.

Being present in this 14th day of December, 2021, I won't try to recap from the last time I posted. I don't think I could.

We lost mom late 2020 right before she turned 86. We lost our cousin in March, we lost our eldest brother in September, both 2021. We are fragile, yet resilient.

Four years @ the store. Still loving meeting new folks and enjoying regulars. I found I had to get used to the younger generation and their lack of work and ethics. Appears it's the way of the world now. I really cannot believe so many places are screaming for employees and getting no answers. Just another bizarre aspect of the 'new' normal. Wow.

I enjoyed what I thought was my 'post Covid' flower growing this past summer. I went all out with growing whatever I could get my hands on. Both the porch and patio was my sanctuary. It well reflected my peace in the face of a pandemic.

I won't even bring up the subject of vaccinations/boosters. I'm all "pro", but I respect those who aren't. I don't understand it, but respect still. They were ESSENTIAL for my immune-compromised son who suffers from/battles Scleroderma. Which made it essential for me.

Scleroderma. What the fuck? Seriously? Over the past few years, I noticed my son deteriorating. First his hands, then his face, then his entire body. We go thru the motions of 'care', but I don't feel like he's getting the best. It's kinda like the doctors don't know WHAT to do but constantly draw blood and give tests. In researching, there is no 'cure' and everybody is learning as they go. Great. Just great.

In the meanwhile, my 34 year old son has dropped to 125 lbs. He's 6 feet. And he's autistic. And he doesn't complain. I've become his hands due to Raynaud's (another what the fuck?) It's becoming increasingly difficult for him to handle himself. He's so deteriorated, I don't know how I keep it together, but for God's mercy. 

I dressed him when he was a child; now I dress him as an adult. I dress him twice in our lives.

We continue to shine light. The store is my therapy where I give it my all. I ask God to bless me so I can bless others. My son is a light in himself. I've never heard a bad word about him. "Kind, gentle, a gentleman, polite, always happy" is all I hear. Even though we will never know his pain. And that kills me.

So.... these are all the words I can muster since 2018. As the late, great Donny Hathaway said, "hang onto the world, as it spins around." And as God says, "be still and know I AM." That's about all we have going for us. 💗💗

Peace, light, love and blessings. ~ me