Static sounds better...

I am artistically/creatively "static." (static adj.still, motionless, stationary)

I looked up synonyms for the word "stuck" and like this word better.

Surrounded by all things crafting and I cannot right now come up with ONE creative thing.

From my view, everything looks....meh.

Pinterest doesn't help with the static; it overwhelms instead of helps. Too many choices, ideas and for me, sensory overload.

I've stopped trying to force the magic because I discovered it cannot be forced.

While Sister #1 is over in her hood shooting off numbers of the pour technique (she completed NINE canvases in one week), I praise her in awe and feel the static even more.

Google Image

Is it because she lives alone? Retired? Everything stays exactly where she puts it? She has a master bedroom-sized craft room? She can sit in her creativity and let it come without interruption? I say yes to all of these things.

If you find my creativity out there some place, please tell it I'm looking for it and to please return to me. I miss it.

"Stepping Stones" Google Image

Trybe Strong

Photo by: me

My best friend has breast cancer.

We got together @ her lovely home yesterday, she gave me this lovely journal for a Christmas gift, we talked, laughed, chatted, then she told me.

I'm not ashamed to tell ya - I'm a 'weeper.':

weep·er

ˈwēpər/

noun

1. 1.

   a person who weeps.
2. 2.

   historical

   funeral garments, in particular.

Any of the following moments can open the floodgates for me:

• when I do Bible study/meditation because I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness to God for everything - good and/or bad; 
• when a movie touches my heart
• when folks get hurt, killed, or die (which in today's world would leave me a nasty mess at all times, but there are specifics to this one)
• @ natural disasters because my heart gets overcome by the loss & sadness for others
• when I've had too much drink and the conversation turns sad or deep
• when I think of my mom these days (dementia)
• when I open my heart and receive

But not this time!!! (Huh?) I felt so powerfully faithful for my friend - not one drop of sadness or fear. Why? Because I didn't feel any of those things and 24 hours later, I still don't.

I feel like God has got this like He has everything else under the sun. Not that blessings are based on any type of our merits (cause there's nothing we can do FOR God; he just wants our love and obedience), but this just feels different. I trust God so hard in this situation that I plainly don't have one shadow of a doubt that this will all come out in line with His will, which is that my friend will go over this "speed bump" (her words) on her journey and continue to live her beautiful life.

I have a friend through Facebook that I've never met in person. She's West Coast, I'm Midwest. We exchange snail mail, she knitted me a pair of fingerless gloves just because I mentioned I wanted a homemade pair (WEEP!!!) and she's going thru the valley of breast cancer. When she told me it had returned and metastasized, I cried so hard I couldn't breathe!

But me and THIS woman? No. The only feeling I have is being there for her & her family in the best way I can. She has a huge tribe of family & friends so I'm not real sure where and when I should step in, nor what I should do, but you can bet the farm I will be there. Starting yesterday.

I have a gazillion and two, no wait - three journals, but they all pale in comparison to this one. If not tonight, tomorrow I will start journaling (the goal is daily) in honor of my girl. She bought one for herself one so we can push each other to stay on top of it. She's never journaled so maybe she can learn from me. Because I've always been 'the writer.' If I don't get my words outta my head and heart, I'd be bat shit crazy.

So here's to being part of my girl's "trybe." I've never felt more protective of her or love for her.

I am love, I am light. I am peace. I am Trybe Strong.

Photo by: me ("Blue Skies on Canvas"

Hello, Ms. New Year

Photo by: Me

Happy New Year to all out there!! They say the new year is the start to a clean slate, but truly - everyday is a clean slate if you think about it.

I haven't for the past couple of years made any resolutions. I just do whatever it is I'm going to do. Besides, I suck @ staying true when I 'resolve.'

However, here are some things that would nice if they would/could happen:

• We find a solution of what to do with mom as her dementia increases
• Mom will allow us to act on her behalf in her best interests
• I will continue to be able to stay in my home. With things shifting, sometime I get just a tad antsy but have to remember God telling me to "be still and know..."
• Carve out serious practice time for the guitar instead of letting it go so long that I have to keep repeating lesson #1
• I can make some type of road trips (or a flight would be even better) to take some new, fresh pictures
• Someone would look @ my FB Photo Bus. page and think, 'OH MY GEEZ, I JUST HAVE TO OWN AN ORIGINAL 😀
• I can get asked to shoot more weddings/parties and charge what I'm worth
• Perhaps at the prompting of Sister #2, create that Photo Book of my pix
• Hoping my creative spark returns. Everything I've touched lately turns out like shit in my eyes
• I can be more real and honest with myself
• I will make time to write here @ least once a week
• I will make time to plop my behind down onto the mat and do yoga again. I know some aches and pains I have sometime can be cured with a solid routine
• Find time to give more attention to my dogs. It's a lot of work taking care of two on your own when it was SUPPOSED to be a joint-project
• Stop spending so much time alone and forge real friendships. Introversy be damned
• May I stretch myself to grow in all ways positive and trust the process

Life is such a beautiful, crazy, mysterious, scary thing.

Photo by: me "Reflections of..."