I Am A Badass...

This.

This book right here.

Gives me life.

In reading, I felt like "Jen" was speaking directly to me. I have so many pages tagged that I go back to.

Just to read & re-read. For assurance.

That I am definitely a Badass.

And proud of it.

💋

Your "Word" for 2017

I'm proud of myself for completing thus far 29 photo prompts of December Reflections. The only 2 I missed were days 24 and 25 and I don't believe in going back in this case. I enjoy these because it makes my brain connect a picture to the prompts. It wasn't difficult since I shoot about a gazillion pictures making it easy to go back & connect one with the other.

I will not participate in the last day. I mean I will, but it won't be "MY" word. I've decided not to have a word for the upcoming year. There are already plenty of words out there; I don't need to put another pain in my ass for feeling like failure when I don't 'live up' to the word.' I have enough on my mind.

For instance, the word below was my 2016 word. Yes, I came out strong creating a bold, kick-ass banner that screamed as much. However, I realized in the last few hours of the old year that I haven't done one damn thing that equates 'brave.'

My "2016 unused word" (Photo by Me)

If you want to call walking out on a stressful new job after a 3 year dry period 'brave', then you can count that. I didn't feel brave at all. I felt like I was leaving before the door hit me in the ass, so to speak. It's less painful when you 'fire' yourself than to hear it coming from your boss. Lol!!

My ever-wise friend, Se'lah, gave me this bit of knowledge tonight:

"If something doesn't personally make a difference in your life, there is no need to embrace it." 

My Photo

What? I don't?? Her saying that was SO freeing!!! Why the hell couldn't I have figured that out myself? I need to surround myself more folks spitting wisdom. Now I need to dig into myself to see what other shit is holding me hostage and why I feel married to shit that doesn't make me feel good.

Peace, light and DUH!!!! 😡

Everyone Has A Story

An elder lady let me go ahead of her in the grocery line today. Since she was so kind & friendly, I inquired as to what she was going to prepare with quite a bit of pork. In the time it took for me to check out, I learned/loved of her:

• Friendly
• Kind
• 83 years old
• She still drives herself everywhere
• She wore makeup (brows, powder & lipstick)
• Her outfit was pulled together
• She loves cooking
• FROM SCRATCH
• She cooked daily for her husband and six (6) children; FROM SCRATCH
• TV dinners, if ever, were a "treat" or a "snack"
• Her adult children now cook for their families FROM SCRATCH
• She makes her own Chow-Mein
• She makes her own HANDMADE NOODLES for said Chow-Mein
• She's a pork lover; no chicken and/or beef
• She used be well-known for her pork chop dishes
• She uses bone-less pork chops & Kraut in the crock pot every year for New Year's (one of her son's favorites)
• Her mother died when she was 2 years old
• She grew up in foster homes, the longest being on a farm
• By the time she was 10 years old, she could prepare a full course meal - alone
• Folks aren't kind like they used to be
• She wished my mom a Happy Birthday!! :-)
• Her biggest fear is Alzheimer's/Dementia
• Her Aunt had Alzheimer's and it was/is a horrible condition
• She tries to stay sharp by doing what she loves
• She wished me a Happy New Year
• She hugged me

When I got to my car, hot tears streamed down my face. I felt super-blessed to have had that brief peek into her life, to have met her. But on the other hand, I felt truly bad for mom. My mother was NEVER a bubbly, conversation-starter, friendly person, but when I looked at this lady one year younger than mom, and still so full of life.....

Today, I was definitely in the right place at the exact right time. And I thank God for that.

Peace.

Beautiful, vibrant stranger (Google Image)

Reading

As the upcoming Holiday season presses down on me, I can't tear myself away from this book.

I picked it up to get some insight with what's going on with mom and I'm getting insight out the ass!

I'm probably only into the fourth chapter and have more than 10 sticky-tabbed pages that I can relate to.

It's almost like we (sibs & I) wrote the book, yet I'm reading it for the first time.

Over the weekend, the promise I previously made to myself to celebrate this Season like a child is quickly diminishing. I don't know if my sadness or bewilderment is because of the book or not. Recognizing so many changes in mom makes me torn. I'm sad @ what's happening to her, pissed at her sometimes CRUEL words and heartbroken watching her try to hang on to what used to be her normalcy.

Yet, with each page I turn to, there 'our situation' is, staring me right in my face.

I'm glad to have found a book written so true, raw and real. I love the way the author is so honest with her feelings.

While preparing Christmas cards, I left mom out. This is something I NEVER would have done, but she doesn't show the slightest bit of interest in..... well.... nothing. Nothing more than having someone drive her all over the city with no intentional destination. Mom was never one to stay at home. When she was still lucid and able to drive, she would take long rides, daily.

She said it got her out of the house. We called it running away from herself. She's never been one to love herself, nor her own company. Hopping behind the wheel was the way she didn't have to deal with her own demons, whatever they may be.

But now, her outings are at our command and limited to friends who take her bowling and our trips to grocery/doctor appts. She's adamant about having a newspaper daily only for us to discover she doesn't read them. I don't think she still does her Bible study either, even though if you ask her, her first quick answer will be YES! I read everything I get my hands on.

Not true. So I knew she would have no appreciation for my photo card I created. Just like she wasn't interested in the "I'm Thankful For You Because...." Thanksgiving card. 😑 She glanced at it, put it down & left it next to her plate at my sister's Thanksgiving dinner.

So...it's either all of that. Or either I need more stamps to finish off mailing my cards; there's no place for the Christmas tree; I'm basically broke or...........

Feelin' Me

My Collage

So.... one day I realized when removing my head scarf from the night before, that I look rather 'regal' with this thing on. This very thing that I've worn since childhood (don't forget your HEAD RAG!!); this very thing that I see women sport on the regular thinking I would never dare try....

I took it a little further and added some sparkles from crafting down my forehead/third eye and added a touch of lip stick.

And Queen Makeda arrived. I'm not real fond of photos of myself, especially when I try taking a 'selfie' with a full scale DSLR (I don't own a smart phone), but here, I feel.... pretty.

Someone told me I looked like Maya Angelou.

I replied: "AND STILL I RISE." :-)

Tell Yourself

Pinterest

Pinterest

Pinterest

Now, let's get busy BELIEVING Ourselves.

Just a few

Loved it!!

I never wanted to return this book to the library.

Strength, Courage and Wisdom

Even though I probably have enough spiritual reading books to start my own book store, I still adored this one. Mrs. Meyers is so kick ass.

And even though I thought this one would sappy/happy, it really is a good story of faith. Do things like these actually happen?

A few things I'm loving right now

Google Image

Online Reading:

1. Souls of Society: I love "Dijon." 
2. The Humans of Josephine
3. Necessary Fiction
4. The Elephant Journal
5. Medium: Always SO many great perspectives to think on
6. Shining Stars Magazine: Brings me comfort

My image: on my desk

Creating:

1. Bleeding Tissue Paper: WOW, this ain't your mama's tissue paper!! haha
2. Canvas Panels: (various sizes): I chose the panels because they stack against each other w/taking up much space. I'm truly addicted to these; when I sit down in front of a blank, my creative juices SOAR
3. Acrylic Paints
4. Watercolor Paper
5. Mod Podge: This stuff ROCKS!!! In fact, here's a couple of Fall leaves I captured in time courtesy of 'the Podge'

It's the simple things in life. :-)

Standing w/Standing Rock

"The protesters want to see construction of the pipeline halted entirely and its route changed. They point to a rising number of pipeline accidents in recent years as evidence that they are right to be concerned about the safety of their water source. 

“These pipelines are often seeping or leaking in small places, and we don’t have any way to detect them,” Doug Hayes, a staff attorney at the Sierra Club, told The Huffington Post in September. “These are the types of concerns the tribes have, and they’re, frankly, very well-founded.”
Such concerns were part of the reason why the pipeline’s original route, which passed near Bismarck, the state’s capital, was abandoned.
The tribe and its supporters also believe they were not properly consulted concerning the project’s effect on sacred sites and burial grounds."

Now... THIS pisses me off more than the disappointment I felt when 'the new Sheriff' got elected. Haven't the Natives been fucked with enough?

One would think so.

Let me bring you up to date....

"WHERE HAVE YOU  BEEN?" is the questions I usually get from family when I 'go under.'

And you know you've been wondering, too. Don't lie to me.. Hhhaaa!!

(Go Under: when one has finally had enough of everything on her plate and chooses to go silent into ones own head; contacts no one, talks to no one & basically fills time doing photography, or making their 100th mixed media collage, and/or reading 2-3 books at one time, and always meditating on ones relationship with God (or whatever one chooses to call their higher power)

Pretty much nothing changed life-wise until I finally.... found a job. This is THEE job I thought I had been waiting three years to get. Small law-firm, even though I had no desire to go back to 'law', it was the only profession I had worked nearly all of my adult life.

About 1 month into this new venture, I realized... I had no clue what I was doing. It was hard trying to absorb the chaotic world of 'family law.' You know - the laws that had to made to curtail the behavior of lives falling apart. Divorce, dissolution, child custody, GALs (guardian ad litems for the interest of the children of the lives falling apart), jealousy, flat out hate, abuse, stalking....Damn!

I'll spare you the remainder of the train wreck, but after a short four month stint, they let me go.

Don't cry for me, Argentina; I was relieved to be let go. Yes, I felt such a release at not having to deal with that part of folks' lives and all the horrendous paperwork and meticulous steps that come along with it all. I found I would show up in a great mood and by the end of the day, I was emotionally worn out.

Short story shorter, I'm back to what Joyce Meyer calls "The Silent Years." This the time when: you are alone w/you dreams for the future, and it seems as if nothing at all is happening. You are just waiting and trying not to give up! It may even seem that what is happening to you is leading you in an opposite direction than what you had imagined. This is the season when God prepares to use you in greater and greater ways.

.... and I'm good with that.

A new Sheriff in town....

This year is truly flying. Only one more month left in 2016.

Amazing.

After eight years, we now have a new Commander In Chief. Amazingly, it's Donald Trump.

Yes, that Donald Trump. The only one. Do you know anyone else by that name?

Now, I am NOT political in anyway, but I do have enough sense to perk up when the hairs on the back of my neck rise.

Regardless of whom you liked this election, I tended to lean toward the person who was NOT promoting division, hate, insults, potty-mouth, and out-right lack of caring for fellow human beings.

When the hate-spewing commercials first started rolling and Trump said "... and you tell them to go FUCK themselves....", I was completely mortified. NEVER in the history of my time have I heard anyone say that so blatantly in such an important matter as running our country.

I knew it was downhill from there.

But what really hurt me were the folks who all agreed with the words he chanted. And now here we are.

I'm not panicked because God is the first and the last. My life won't change any more than it changed when Obama was in the White House.

Folks who are hoping Trump fails have backward thinking because we'll ALL fail. I read something the other day that said "hoping Trump fails is like hoping the pilot crashes the plane that we're ALL ON!!!"

And on that note, carry on.