Holy crap; Holidays are coming

I am one of the folks who puts so much pressure on themselves for the holidays that I truly go numb. I mean numb like my anxiety reaches such a height that I don't have room for one other thought. Here are my bullet points so I'll keep it short.

• I'm not working (still)
• Bills (what else is new)
• Christmas shopping on extremely limited funds
• Having my mother over for Thanksgiving (she barely eats anything & last year kept her coat on - SCREAM!!!)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• Cooking Thanksgiving dinner (when I'm panicked, I can't focus & cook my best)
• This causes me to drink more wine than usual
• What to get for James (son) for Christmas - especially w/very limited funds
• My sister's annual Ohio State v. Michigan game (great company, great food, but WAY too much alcohol consumed by all, especially the Sig.Other (sigh...........))
• This makes me not want to attend, but I will... which will cause me to drink more wine than usual. :-)

Then on the other hand, I long for the families and the commercials showing everyone gathering for the holidays, laughing, exchanging gifts & having a good time. All the way down to the perfect Christmas decorations by Pier One. Lol.

I would like to enjoy the holidays in these ways:

"Christmas by Pier 1"

"A calm, happy, normal Thanksgiving"; and

"A nice, elegant New Years"

I told mom that I wish our family had traditions we adhered to yearly. She told me to star my own traditions. What is she trying to do, give me a stroke? Lol. But.... if I want it, it has to start with me. And that would cause me to drink more wine that usual. :-)


Photographs via the Internet

NaBloPoMo, Day 20

I'm just joining in at Day 20; don't ask me why I'm so late because I truly won't have an answer. Lol.

"Do you have a book in you? Fact or fiction? Related to your blog or totally different?

 

For as much as I love to write, I don't have any type of book that would be worth publishing inside of me. In fact, it's more like an ongoing daydream as I'm a hopeless romantic. You know - like some sort of Hallmark movie. It's completely different from my blog.

 

I'm always dreaming of:

• Living in a big, beautiful, old farmhouse
• with a big, strapping beautiful man
• who absolutely could not live without me
• and me without him
• he chops wood for our fire places
• he builds anything from nothing
• he raises goats to keep the grass down on our acreage
• we hold hands & go for long walks
• we snuggle in front of the fire place
• and then we live happily ever after  and all that shit

See? There is no book inside me.

 

Just dreams.

"me and he"

 

High Anxieties

Having a bit (well, actually a shit load) of anxiety at everything going on right now. I'm finding it very hard to keep my mind still. I had all these things I was going to list, but thought that would be a buzz-kill, so I'll just hold it in (not good).

I will give thanks for another day and all that comes with because as we were taught, 'someone is having a rougher go at it than I am.'

I'm thankful that my resume was noticed @ CareerBuilder.com, even though the job turned out to be in another City. (Scream). At least it's "out there", huh?

I'm thankful for the load of golden leaves about 2 feet deep on my patio. I know everyone rushes to rake, but I like 'walking through the golden."

Otherwise, I'll keep trying to hang in there.

Seagulls @ the park