"Perhaps I am stronger than I think!" ~ Thomas Merton

Thursday, September 30, 2010

... and I'm still worthy...


Love Thursday asks this of me:

"I invite you to confess something imperfect about you, and end your confession with "and still, I'm worthy of love."

  • I beat myself up everyday about not living my best life, and yet...
  • Since my autistic son is now a young adult & has graduated from high school, I feel like his learning process (schoolastically) should continue, but I feel clueless what he needs, and yet...
  • I don't spend near as much time w/my family as I should, and yet...
  • I don't always treat my Sig.Other near as nicely as he treats me, and yet...
  • Sometimes, I judge folks lives on their appearances (bad girl), and yet...
  • I don't always do what God wants me to, and yet...
  • At times, I can be very moody, and still...
I am still worthy of Love


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Funny things happen....


I don't usually mention this, but sometimes when I think of things, they happen. This freaks me out @ times & I keep it to myself, but I'm noticing it more & more.

Sometimes when there are things I want, but don't really pursue them, they show up.

Examples:

I wanted to treat myself to a nice necklace & pendant with something positive on it. Looked online, but didn't really see anything, so I never gave it another thought. Couple of days later, I went to a 2nd hand shop & found the most lovely necklace w/2 pendants - one said "dream", and the other said "prosperity." It was like it was waiting for me. Plus is was WAY cheaper than anything I'd seen. I now wear it.

After reading a post written by my friend, Sharon @ Chaos Ranch, where she mentioned this book, I added it to my Goodreads list. Be darned if while @ the library yesterday, the book was sitting on display. I now have it. (Sharon, this book has your name written all over it. I think of you at just the sight of it, dear lady!).

I'm the middle of reading "The Help" which is a fabulous book. I wasn't nearly done, yet it was due w/no returns allowed. I told the library lady this & she said, 'oh no - it's a great book, you must finish it', so she broke all rules & renewed it. For me!! I came home, settled into a corner of the couch & dove back into it like a cozy blanket.

While on line visiting a new blogger, I noticed she had the most beautiful, relaxing music playing @ her site. Checked it out & it was the old jazz of bassist Charlie Haden & pianist Kenny Barron. I made a mental note to check them out since old jazz is my love, and what do you think was @ the library? Yeah, you know. I now have it in rotation.

I really needed a new purse (I'm known to carry the same on until it falls apart), but didn't really have much $$. Walked into Target, and there was the cutest purse for on $13.00. I now have it on my shoulder.

Oh, I could on & on with this!! Say what you will, but I'm taking these things as simple blessings from God. Sometimes I think, God wouldn't be bothered w/these little trivial things, but it happens so often that I'm going with it.

And these 'funny things' make me happy!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Even if I didn't know me....


I find as I get older, there are certain things I love about me, like:
  • how comfortable I feel in my skin
  • how accepting I am of my body, with all of its 'flaws', they make me me
  • how forgiving I am to myself
  • how I am quick to forgive others
  • how I am quick to pass out smiles to anyone that need them
  • how I love walking into a crowded room & greeting everyone w/a smile
  • how compassionate I am for the elderly
  • and children
  • and babies
  • and for those who don't have as much I
  • how even though I don't have much, I feel richer than Donald Trump
  • how I will always carry in my heart that a co-worker told a friend that I may not have much financially, but I'm one of the richest people he knows
  • how easy I find it to laugh at myself
  • how I can take any situation & make it funny
  • how quick I am to pass out compliments
  • how good I am at encouraging others at their goals
  • how I usually am filled with a peaceful, easy feeling
  • how there are so many things I see in my mother that I am becoming
  • like our love for all things inspirational
  • how I love God/Jesus & find all things regarding a relationship w/him fascinating
  • how I am aware of Jesus filling my heart with such emotion & care that my heart aches
  • how I dream of hitting the lottery so I can feed folks more food than their belly could hold
  • how I pray about the welfare of special need young adults all over the world
  • how I stockpile cards & stationary to randomly send out 'pick-me-ups'
  • how I still hear my parents' voices telling me no matter what job I'm doing - do it w/love
  • discovering my creativity & being surprised when others appreciate it, too
  • how I pray about the welfare of anyone struggling or having a hard time
  • how I never meet a stranger
  • how I can make any stranger feel at ease as if we've known each other all our lives
  • how I take nothing for granted (this needs work every day)
  • how I don't sweat the petty things
  • and how I don't pet the sweaty things :-)
  • and finally, how I feel so at peace w/myself that sometimes I feel like I glow
  • because I love me some me.












Sunday Scribbling prompt: "Love".

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sigh....

To know me is to know my love for the book. Can't get enough of 'em; lock me in a room full and my day is complete.

On a whimsical move, when a Border's notice came to my inbox saying they needed help, my heart started pounding. So....




Borders is like book heaven to me. Books of every type, the strong smell of coffee @ the Cafe, the low silence, big chairs begging for you to sit & stay, same for the carpet, folks sitting around eating/drinking/reading, all in their own worlds yet at Borders. I certainly hope heaven has a Borders. You'll find me there spending all... well, all eternity, I guess. There's no time limit; I'm sure it never closes, you know? Hmmm....

Anyway, I fill out the application thingy. It's a win/win, I'm thinking; I'm friendly, I never meet a stranger, & there are tons of books & CD's. It's extra money & I'll have more going on than work & the boring routine of my life. I admitted I had no retail experience at all. I'm just wanna be around the fresh smell of a new hardback. Admit it, you like it, too!

They call me one day later for an interview. I almost fainted. Next Wed. is the day, right after work. Scream. I called my mother asap; we both screamed.

Reality sinks in right in the middle of me break dancing. Son's basketball season is starting. Shit. My whole 'Border's adventure' would be after work/weekends. I work 8 hours a day - how do I get him to practices? What about home & Saturday games when we travel?

I'm still riding the happy train, excited & anxious. I need something going on in my life - think of what new stuff I could write about from the experience. But basketball sits next to me like a giant gorilla in the room. Prayers for this to work out for both me & son.

I really don't want the air to go outta my balloon.

Matters of the Heart.....


My heart lives inside my chest
pumping necessary life throughout my body
housing Jesus because he knocked
and I let him in

My heart lives inside my chest
for the overwhelming love for my son
that laid right beside my heart
before he was born


My heart lives inside my chest
for my family
each beat indicates love for
each of them

But my heart is not sure of
where to go, what to do or
how to be
it's unsure of love having never
been taught that lesson
it's been crumpled from trying
to give it to folks who could not
accept it and nearly worn out
from fighting acceptance from
the one who wants it

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Pssst... over here :-)

Hey folks! I'm still here. Got so much going on in my mind that I couldn't get my thoughts together enough to put down anything. Here are few random thoughts & pics...

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you
Nathaniel Hawthorne

This beauty lighted right in front of me while I was outside one day. He offered me some flowers for my hair. I obliged... :-)

These are a peony & iris from mom's yard. They're gone now, but they were beautiful when they had their moment. I know it shadow-y, but I like the light;


Books, books & more books. WHY I ask you, am I trying to read 3 @ once? I get so overwhelmed when I go to the library - I want everything! I've been on the waiting list to read "The Help" & screamed when I saw it; had no idea it was such a big book. It's on 'book express' (2 weeks - no renewals), so there's no way I'll be able to tackle it. With so many distractions, I haven't devoted mysef to read-time like I should so....

Same for "Lemon Cake." It's not a large book & so far it is so interesting. It's about a young girl who can taste other folks emotions through food. It's not on 'express' so renewal is possible...


"Styles by Maggie Sweet' is just a super cute paper back that I couldn't resist. I need to dedicate a day to reading only...


This is a bookmark I got from the library that I 'texturized' to make look ancient. Love the look & love the saying...


And finally - I picked up four cute little 'window mirrors' @ a yard sale because they were adorable. Story of my life - now what to do w/em? An idea will come one day. If you buy it, an idea will come... :-)



Lastly, my boss bought me flowers!! I must be doing something right, huh? :-)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Cleansed....










the silk summer skirts
the silk summer blouses
the silk fall sweaters
the embroidered cardigan sweaters
the fuzzy, angora sweaters
the cottage-rose covered, elegant sundresses
the smart sweater/skirt sets
the bold-colored/light-as-air summer blouse/pants suits
the bold, abstracted, elegant sundresses
the 'African-printed' sundresses& blouses



But, oh;

the full pleated skirts that swirled in the wind @ the slightest movement
the heavy, sparkly dinner jackets that caught the glint of the slightest light
the sheer, barely-there blouses in bold reds, blacks & whites that had to have required a camisole
the shine, the glamour, the elegance...

I picture a black-haired, Italian beauty
with shining, dark, sparkling eyes
with long, dark lashes
and a curvy, knock-out figure
and a huge, beautiful, welcoming smile
and a laugh that sounded of bell tinkles
as she was being wisked about the ball room floor
to a classic waltz
trailing the scent of Lair du Temps perfume

and as I go through mountains of this clothing in the laundry room
i make a pile of what will go & what will stay
the shiny things are not my style, but I appreciate the joy
they once brought
but the other things, I shall delicately handle, wash, hang, dry- clean
and wear them all with honor
of an Italian beauty, named Mary Louise..







Sunday Scribbling prompt: "clean"

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Small things...

My son signed up for his own library card & weekly attends the bookmobile @ his job. We've been going to the library since he was a toddler, but I've always handled it. Even though he's 22 now, this was a milestone for us. He's very, very proud of his card!

And the lady bug is a most sweet card he made @ work, complete w/it's own envelope! He told me to use it for my pen pals. Such a thoughtful young man. I don't know if I can part w/it, but it is meant to be forwarded on to one of my lucky pals. In the meantime, you can see it here.































"We can do no great things, only small things with great love."
-- Mother Teresa

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I remember....


Hundreds of years ago in high school
I was a shy, wallflower
So beautiful, yet felt my
beauty could never compare with
all the other beauties

yet there was a time
when we would steal away
go to a private place
and kiss

i can't remember how many days
we would steal away
but i do remember
the magic, the excitement
the heat, the passion, the warmth
the fire, the heatbeats, the intimacy
the bruised lips
the kisses

fast forward 150 years later
God has orchestrated out paths to connect
again
after much shyness, i asked you
do you remember when we
used to steal away

and he said

"LOL! I remember the kisses"

With kid gloves...


Having an autistic son is the only type of child I know about raising.

Everyday I wake, I am thankful that God gave him to me - perfectly created.

In the beginning of his life & diagnosis, I tried to mold him to be a normal child.

When my stupidity melted away, so did my self-imposed burden.

You see, this child had a few things to teach me.

He taught me
  • patience
  • acceptance
  • wonderment
  • how not to sweat the small stuff
  • how to greet each day as if it was a second chance at living
  • to wake from sleep with excitement of what the day could hold
  • to take pleasure in the smallest of things
  • to be content with you have
  • not to want what you really don't need
  • to be thankful for everything
  • to not worry about anything
  • to know that whatever you need, God will provide it
  • to treat people w/the kindness, even though it will not always be returned
  • to always smile
  • & to let your happiness shine out to the world through your eyes.
Him coming into my life was the best treatment for whatever ailed me. And after taking lessons from him, I found that nothing really 'ailed' me after all.

Amen.








Sunday Scribbling prompt: "treatment"

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Simple Saturday...

a day in pictures....

'gooey butter cookies', even tho I didn't find them 'gooey' @ all... I did, however, eat a crap load of 'em... boxed cake mix, cream cheese, butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, bake & you won't be able to stop...






pre-made Crystal Light. colorful, no?









I hit up the quick sale produce rack; i feel a smoothie coming on (bananas, pears, strawberries, a Gala apple, milk & ice = yum!)







Library love...




found real treasures. old coffee table books, great old CD's (seals & crofts, eagles, zeppelin, maxwell's black's summer nite). And in my constant further support of the local libraries (including fines), I ordered a 'where the wild things are, READ' t-shirt.
It was a great day :-)

it's here, it's here!!!!





Could've sworn I posted this last nite; obviously was very sleepy....

My fabulous jewel arrived yesterday from this lovely lady! What a lovely way to end the day & start the weekend. It came all the way from Australia!!! As if that wasn't special enuff, it's a beautiful handmade charm - I have just the chain for it, will wear it proudly & share it's special story.

Thank you, thank you, Kim. Another successful gift of jewels orchestrated by the beautiful, kind, thoughtful, inspirational, Se'Lah.

I now have another friend and a new blog to browse lazily through. Love & jewels to everyone!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I love....


getting an 'after-work hug' from my son when we both get in from work;

talking with a 3-year old w/an extensive vocabulary

sitting on the porch/patio in the late night or early morning when it's silent

sending random note or cards to folks & hearing how it cheered them up

finishing my bible study & feeling totally connected to God

the feeling of accomplishment

feeling good about myself

Happy Love Thursday, everybody!!









Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I should have.....


  • gotten up w/the 5:30 alarm
  • set up the coffee pot
  • ironed my shirt
  • made sure of clean socks
  • and underwear
  • and t-shirts
  • had son take his shower/wash his hair
  • had son make his lunch
  • I should have made pancakes & froze' em
  • chopped radishes
  • and tomatoes
  • and mushrooms
  • boiled eggs
  • for spinach salad
  • for my lunch
  • picked out containers for my own lunch
  • washed my own hair
  • and took my shower
  • charged my phone
  • and my camera
  • called my mother
  • and my girl in Cali.
  • and my sisters
  • and my brothers
  • gotten gas in the car
  • gathered up bills to pay
  • 'did' my nails & toes
  • exfoliated my face
... and done all of these things the day/night before instead of letting them bum-rush my 1st waking thoughts each morning.







Sunday Scribbling archive prompt: 'morning.'

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Wait - verb: to remain inactive...

We wait for:
  • dinner
  • love
  • vacation
  • end of the day
  • lunch
  • doctors
  • dentists
  • mechanic's
  • buses
  • trains
  • planes
  • birth
  • payday
  • wishes
  • the weekend
  • breakfast
  • company to leave
  • company to come
  • medicine to work
  • instructions
  • laundry to wash
  • laundry to dry
  • the salon to 'release' you
  • answers
  • guidance
  • a date
  • a break
  • an out
  • a clue
  • a hint
  • a minute
  • a second
  • a sign
  • a chance
  • a raise
  • a promotion
  • a check
  • a letter
  • downloads
  • spring
  • summer
  • fall
  • a package
  • a person
  • a ride
  • permission


















Sunday Scribbling prompt: "wait."




Friday, September 3, 2010

Time to Self...

One thing I love about weekend evenings is I can stay up as long as I like; long after the outside & inside has shut down, I can read, think, dream, etc., uninterrupted....

This blogger is legally blind? Her place is beautiful. Peace & blessings to her.

The temps are only to be in the high 60's tomorrow (WTH?) Fall is really creeping in. Tomorrow would be a good day to make chili, or this sounds warm & easy....

These tiny books are adorable. Makes me wanna try 'crafting.' Yeah, right... I can't sit still that long...

My DailyOM - a beautiful tribute to all of us beautiful women/sisters/friends.

Also, since it's so much cooler, I'll make these @ some point. Cool weather makes me want to stay in the kitchen. PS: depending on how 'fancy' I feel, I may photo each step like Lick My Spoon! :-0 (I love that name...)

Prayers to dear blogger friend & her family
. You are never alone:-)




Love Thursday... late edition..

I think this is a great idea Chookooloonks created. What better way to fight hate, racism & prejudices than with love. I waited too late to participate, (DUH!), but the turnout she generated is amazing. Reminds you that in the middle of the craziness of today, there are a lot of folks who are willing to spread the love.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

As an ode to my previous love list I posted last month, I had random thoughts last nite & wanted to add in these film jewels.

My mother turned me on the old goodies when I was not yet a teenager. She grew up adoring the 'old hollywood' (back when it had class; not this shit they have out there now). I knew Angela Lansbury, Rita Hayward, Jose Ferrer & his wife, Rosemary Clooney, Liz & Dick; oh! - the list was endless. This lasted well into my teenage years. Mom would tell me early in the day that something was coming on that night & it was our unspoken date. When the time would come, we would usually go to her room while she would tell me each movie star's name, their bio, etc. I loved that time! I didn't know any chick my age that was getting this type of lesson.

So in tribute to Mom, here are our favorite movies from back in the day. Just typing this list makes me smile. I told mom I was doing this & each movie I read off made her swoon! (LOL!) We're silly romantics at heart.
  • Splendor in the Grass (Natalie Wood/Warren Beatty)
  • Love w/the Proper Stranger (Natalie Wood/Steve McQueen)
  • Back Street (Rita Hayward)
  • Love Is a Many Splendored Thing (William Holden/Jennifer Holiday)
  • A Summer Place (Troy Donohue/Sandra Dee)
  • Peyton Place (Lana Turner)
  • Susan Slade (Troy Donohue/Connie Stevens)
  • Sayonara (Marlon Brando)
  • Magnificent Obsession (Jane Wyman/Rock Hudson)
  • Play Misty For Me (Clint Eastwood)
  • Imitation of Life (Lana Turner)**
  • Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?**
  • Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte**
  • Valley of the Dolls**
**Note: these are not romance movies, but ones we still watched together. We still today quote different lines from 'em during our silly moments! The 'campy' Valley of the Dolls is still my fave. When mom told me that Sharon Tate had died & how she died, I was unhinged. I couldn't imagine such a thing. It bothered me for a long time, almost to the point of obsession. I read everything I could get my hands on about crazy-assed Manson & 'family.' Remember, I was probably 12/13 in the mid-late 70's.

I also have to laugh @ how proper times were back then. I remember in V.of the Dolls, they bleeped out the word "hell." All those years I wondered what they blocked until I finally saw the 'uncut' version. (Ha!) I guess the stars of old would roll over if they could hear the words on TV today.... :-0!!!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Empty possibilities....


I have secret obsessions.

I have a hard time letting go of a good, sturdy cardboard box and/or a clean, shiny jar. Both are suddenly empty, calling for more use. I use the boxes for yard work usually, and the jars... well, one day I might do this:

Same goes for journals. I have a hard time passing the journal section of any store. Yes, I have a journal; I have several journals, but I blog instead because it's pretty cool to think someone read what you thought & enjoyed it. No one can 'see' your journal. And I couldn't begin to write as much as I type w/out my hand cramping into a ball. But!!... how can you pass up a fresh, clean, lined page just begging for thoughts?

Ditto for pencils & pens. They call to you to let your words flow.


Ditto #2 for writing tablets (see 'journals')


And finally, Ditto #3 for watercolors. I've ALWAYS wanted to try this. When the son was little, I remember I bought a huge pad of child watercolor paper & paint. I 'scratched' (literally) sketches of different types of tea cups w/pencil, then tried to paint 'em. It wasn't bad & it made me interested.