"Perhaps I am stronger than I think!" ~ Thomas Merton

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The union of Ruby.....


Remember I spoke of my old high school friend I ran into that radiated w/love? Well, I got my invitation to attend her reception in the mail the other day. Very beautiful, indeed. The invite is wrapped in delicate, sheer, rose-etched paper w/a tiny picture of the couple to be fastening the paper closed. I've never seen such an invite. A nice memory-maker.

It is a Muslim reception (I don't have it w/me to tell you what the word for 'reception' is called). Once the union is joined, Ruby's name will then be "Amina." I tried looking it up (Ameena) & means "trustworthy & faithful." Sounds like Ruby. This will take place mid-July. I can't wait to see what it's like, but more so to see Ruby shine again like she did that day. I'm thinking on her day of becoming Mrs. Amina Abdullah Mohammad, she will shine brighter than the stars the sun.

I'm so honored & blessed to have run into her that day @ the fresh market & to be invited to something that is so special for her. Thank you, God, for allowing our paths to cross. And thank you, Ruby, for extending the love. Blessings....

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Theft of Wednesday's word....


today, I'm stealing Wednesday's Word from one of my most FAVORITE motivational women, Jewel Diamond Taylor, the Self-Esteem doctor. I've been getting her inspirationals for years now & they never fail to give me food for thought. Take a read:

Most people do not want to be changed. We tend to like who we are. Haven't you heard people say things like... "I can't help it." "That's just the way I am." "I'm doing the best I can." "I've always been this way." "I'm this way because my family is this way." "It's too late for me to change." I personally like myself. I don't want to change the core of my personality and strengths...but I do want to improve. I do want to free myself from my own prison of illusions, negative thinking, unhealthy emotions and outdated beliefs.

Many of us "do hard time" like prisoners. We live in a prison of shame, guilt, worry and fear. Many of us hold our own destiny and dreams hostage. We punish ourselves and think thoughts like...
"I should have more and done more by now with my life." "It's too late for me to experience love, success, happiness, a new _____, better health, etc." "My limitations and past are the reasons I cannot win in life." "I can't change my eating/spending habits. After all the pain and suffering I've been through I deserve to have what I want." "There are no good jobs, no good men, no good women, no possibilities for a car or home, I can't increase my business/ministry....I'll always be sick and tired...this recession is the cause of all my problems...my divorce is the cause of all my problems." "If it weren't for my (relatives, ex-husband/wife/friend/job) I could be happier, but....)

We tend to punish ourselves and do hard time in the prison of our minds
. We are prisoners of our own beliefs and convictions. We agree and believe our own B.S. (belief system). I wrote a message about our B.S. in my book Success Gems.
You and I will have many afflictions, disappointments and emotional roller coaster rides. If you have an "I give up...I can't win" in your spirit, you will never believe life can be better. You will never believe in the favor, grace and mercy of God. If you stay in your own prison, you will remain limited. You have the key to set yourself free from thoughts of fear, procrastination, victimization and unworthiness. Read the e-book "Free and Heal Your Mind and Your Behind Will Follow". Many of us resist and resent someone trying to change us. We all have blind spots, those areas in our lives that we cannot see we are living in denial or destructive thinking. You don't have to change the core of who you are, just get up, move and improve your thinking. Change your perspective to see new possibilities. It's difficult many times to make life-enriching changes and gain a new view point with old circles of friends.

So often the people around you will keep you in prison with them. Misery loves company. The quality of one's life can only be lived according to their own level of understanding and faith. You can't live off someone else's' faith. You can't see what others see. Where is your faith? What beliefs are keeping you hostage? What kind of stinking thinking B.S. is messing up your peace and progress? What do you see?
Prison is a dark and small place designed to keep the light out. Light provides better vision and understanding. As you begin to see differently, it's important to guard your mind, heart, ears and sight. You alone hold the key to set yourself free.

If necessary, change your circle of friends and associates. Re-arrange
your living and working environment to stimulate your creativity. Let your point of view begin to see a new view. Get rid of the clutter in your environment and your mental (invironment). Read more to increase your faith, heal your wounds, correct your vision to see possibilities and to break the spells of illusion, delusion, unworthiness, lack, fear and procrastination. You can CREATE new possibilities with your words, actions and faith. In the beginning of creation, God said, "Let there be light." Light means illumination in the Hebrew. This is why for over 25 years my signature statement has been "Stay in the Light." When you come out of the darkness of a prison, you are free to see new possibilities. I encourage you today to begin to CREATE. Today is a new day. What will your words, actions and faith create in your world?

Amen :-)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

One of my favorite....

... calming blog writers, Selah. Am I allowed to give her the shout out like this? I don't know the blog rules. Am I crossing some line? If I didn't shout her out, how would you know to click on her link that would lead you to her beautiful, positive, always-inspiring blog? How would you know who I meant when I said 'a woman named "Selah" created the 'gift of jewels' project that connected perfect strangers from all around the world with simple gifts of love? I like this simple post of hers re: the oil spill down South & the eco-system just because it's not here, should not mean it's 'not here.' See?: http://momentarysolace.blogspot.com/2010/06/we-are-one.html

Today's verse....

.... at the side of my screen was meant for me today. thru all the piss, vinegar & silence I gave off @ silly things in my life & complaining about a work project that took 3 days to complete, I have to think that there are others who would've have loved to only have those small things to worry about. forgive me, Lord, for AGAIN needing another thump on the head.

Amen :-)

Monday, June 21, 2010

Desiderata....

Today... I just couldn't watch any news. At all. I didn't turn on the television while I got dressed this morning; chose silence instead. The world going to hell in a handbasket - couldn't deal with it. And while on one hand, I feel blissfully ignorant, there's a little part of me that wants to 'open the door & take a peak', even though I know it'll let the 'boogie man' in. We had to read this poem in high school; I could never remember all of it, but I remember our teacher stressing that we 'go placidly amid the noise & haste; speak our truth quietly & clearly & if you compare yourselves to others, you will become bitter & vain.' Back in school - you know - when you think you know it all, but you're really quite DUH? We thought this was the longest, most boring reading. Ever. Now.... I'm printing it out & putting on the fridge....

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

~ Max Ehrmann

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The Book by it's Cover....


when i was @ the farmer's market a couple of weeks ago, i noticed a beautiful, black sister who looked familiar. as it turns out, it was a high school classmate. was always nice, we always spoke & laughed. what caught my eye was her 'fly' look; her hair was a fro about 1" long, her dark skin set against a ton of silver jewelry she was rockin'. the slim eyeglass frames - very pulled together. she stood out in 'farm town' should I say.

we hugged & traded numbers; she told me she wanted my address cause she was getting married & she's relocating to S.Carolina (where he lives - I believe they met in the military). her children are grown & gone & she had met a wonderful man. she instantly flipped out the latest phone & showed me their pix. they made a lovely couple to say the least. in about 10 minutes flat, she had given me the run down of how they met, how supportive her children are about the marriage, where they will live, etc. I told her (with true joy) how happy I am for her; she was so happy, she literally radiated. then her next sentence shot the dog.... she said:

Who would've thought I'd be where I am today when just 14 short years ago, I was living in the park, eating out of garbage cans....

yes... you did read that right. I couldn't take my eyes off of her while my mouth hung open wide. she kept her beautiful smile & nodded slowly & said yes, Tracey... "I lost my way & was homeless." I could not believe this beautiful chick that looked like any pulled together lovely sister was testifying of such a story. I shook my head slowly in disbelief while she nodded with... belief. I told her she needed to tell her story & she said she speaks about it whenever she gets the chance. She said we really needed to get together so she could tell me all about it, but in her flurry of busy-ness with her new, much-deserved life, it probably won't happen any time soon. But still... Wow.... you know?

Do I really need to state what the moral of this story is? I thank God for every moment of that blessing, i.e.: WHAT would be the odds of she & I running into each other @ GreenFarms at that precise moment. had it been 5 minutes - more OR less - we would've missed each other; her radiant shininess & pure happiness. It obviously moved me or I wouldn't have posted this.

It was good....


... to see that someone who was very sad was able to truly laugh & joke today. Welcome back, friend. Your sadness will lighten, but your heart will always be heavy. Especially when you least expect it. Memories will always be yours.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Consequences You Sow ...


My horoscope for the day. I am so feeling this; especially this: "...
we should strive always to speak, think, and behave with great thoughtfulness and compassion. There are a lot of people out there who don't do this. At all..

Action And Effect

Every action you take has a cause and effect. The influence we wield is infinite.


All motive and action affects the cosmos in some way. The principle of cause and effect is the truth that allows us to change ourselves and the world around us for the better. However, this same universal law is also at work when change is not at the forefront of our minds. Our intentions flow forever outward in the form of energy, affecting both the people closest to us and billions of individuals we will likely never meet. For this reason, we should strive always to speak, think, and behave with great thoughtfulness and compassion. The virtues we choose to embody can inspire joy and integrity in the lives of countless people, whether we touch their existence directly or not.

The influence we wield is infinite. In an effort to internalize our conscious understanding of the nature of cause and effect, we can never truly know how our thoughts, emotions, words, or actions will manifest themselves on the larger universal stage because it is likely that the furthest-reaching effects will fall outside the range of our perception. We can only look to the guidance of our conscience, which will help us determine whether each of our choices is contributing to humanity's illumination or setting the stage for unintended troubles. When we are in doubt, we need only remember that the cultivation of altruism inevitably leads to a harvest of goodwill and grace. Motivated by a sincere desire to spread goodness, we will be naturally drawn to those choices that will help us express our commitment to universal well-being.

Nothing you do, however minor or mundane, is ever exempt from the rules of cause and effect. From the moment of your birth, you have served as an agent of change, setting forces beyond your comprehension into motion across the surface of the earth and beyond. You can exert conscious control over this transformative energy simply by examining your intentions and endeavoring always to promote peace, positive energy, and passion in your ideas and actions. While you may never fully comprehend the extent of your purposefully heartfelt influence, you can rest assured that it will be universally felt.

Isn't it sad when....


.... people really don't get it???.....

Am I losing you?

You've got my heart in your hand,
I gave it to you I know, I understand,
I'm strong you know, that's how I am,
tell me the truth, I'll take it like a man.
Don't want you to leave me, and I
don't wanna leave you,
baby don't you be cruel, with
your icy cool, cool, cool.

Each day that passes, I smile to cover the pain,
when I remove my disguises, I came
back to the same ole' thing,
can't shake this feelin',
something's going on inside of you,
I don't know what to do.

Baby look me in my eyes, no need to tell me lies,
am I losing you ?
I feel there's something I can't
see, is it inside of me,
or am I losing you ?

I know you need your time alone,
I need my time to call my own,
I love the precious times we shared,
when I need you most, sometimes you're not there.
Though absence makes the heart grow fonder,
out of sight could be out of mind,
my love should never make you wander,
you never find another love like mine.

Each day that passes, I cry because I'm in pain,
when I remove my disguises, I came
back to the same ole' thing,
can't shake this feelin', baby am I playing the fool,
I don't know what to do.

Baby look me in my eyes, no need to tell me lies,
am I losing you ?
I feel there's something I can't
see, is it inside of me,
or am I losing you ?

Tell me what to do,
just to get through to you,
baby I can take the truth,
am I losing you ?
Baby you can say it anything is alright with me,
you know I'll always be,
here for you.

Baby look me in my eyes, no need to tell me lies,
am I losing you ?
I feel there's something I can't
see, is it inside of me,
or am I losing you ?

Tell me what to do (tell me what to do),
just to get through to you (just
to get through to you),
baby I can take the truth,
am I losing you ?
Baby you can say it anything is alright with me,
you know I'll always be,
here for you.
Baby you can say it anything is alright with me,
you know I'll always be,
here for you.

This isn't mine - it's Ms. Chante Moore and she sings it like an angel. However - it IS my story....

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Long Black Song .....

This is a pencil sharpener I bought YEARS ago & found in my home desk over the weekend. If you really look, you'll find that objects can have two meanings....

As soon as I saw this @ the dollar store - i had to have it, even though I've never sharpened one pencil with it.

Back in 1997/98 - I saw a TV movie called "America's Dream;" a trilogy staring Danny Glover, Wesley Snipes, partly written by Maya Angelou & directed by Bill Duke. The second movie of the three was about a white door-to-door salesman who comes upon Danny Glover's wife while he's gone to town for the day. This takes place 'back in the day', but the white guy thinks the black woman is beautiful in her painful shyness, plain house dress & head-rag. She gives him water, talks to him thru the door & finally he gets her to come out on the porch. He introduces her to a phonograph he has on his truck for sale. She has never seen the likes of anything like it & is entranced w/the music.

It was like watching syrup drip real slow as he takes her through the steps of loosening up;
  • coming off the porch
  • trying to keep her bare feet covered cause she didn't have shoes
  • trying to get used to him looking at her
  • him smiling @ her
  • him telling her he liked her smile
  • touching hands (she jumped like it was fire - LOL!)
  • him talking her into taking her head-rag off
  • how shy she was taking it off
  • him telling her how beautiful she was without it
  • him putting a record on the phonograph then reaching out to teach her to dance
  • her finally getting close enuff to him to learn to dance; and
  • how they laughed & relaxed w/each other
... and in that afternoon, they fell in love, but of course it couldn't be. Forbidden in those days, plus Danny Glover was her husband.

Now.... since it was so long ago & I only remember pieces of the movies, I'm thinking this took one a bad turn. Danny Glover came home, chased the guy off with a shotgun & beat the crap outta the woman. The white guy ran up the road and turned & listened sadly, but he couldn't run back to help her & risk getting buckshots in the ass, cause Danny was. not. playing. And.... after all, Danny WAS her husband that had just gone to town for the day, okay? Kay. I know, I know.... sudden darkness in the middle of all that love.

BUT the whole point to this is.... every time I look @ this phonograph/pencil sharpener, all I ever think of is 'him & her', dripping real slow. Like syrup.

And I'll never get rid of it for that very reason....

Saturday, June 12, 2010

joy in a simple day...

Had a fantastic day of great finds! Hit the Barn; scored a rug & 2 throw pillows for the porch, (doing that 'bring your indoors outside thing'), a glass pyrex measuring cup, 2 baskets of most unusual seashells, a big glass jar that says "TEA" full of cools shells & beach stuff - including perfect sand dollars (so delicate, they're usually chipped) a piece of orange coral, & a tiny baby sea horse! The body is like dried sea weed (if you've ever seen that). Don't know why I've always been a shell lover. If you look @ 'em real close, the detail is amazing. No 2 are alike. Like snowflakes. Thinking how the ocean washed over them for 100s of years & formed them is something to think about in itself.

AND I found inspirational book 'Simple Abundance', (like I need another inspirational book), a chair for the patio to replace the one that broke, & 2 terracotta pots (Mom says I'm a flower pot snob - I only use terracotta. Plastic pots pale in comparison. You gotta take care of 'em, but I like the look. It's worth it.) BUT, the Grand Total of this bounty: $15.25. Yeah... I know. Happy tears... :-)

THEN on to Green Farms Fresh Market. I could spend my paycheck there; all the fresh stuff gives me sensory overload. I contained myself to a cantaloupe, grapes, mushrooms, pretzels, green onions, alfalfa sprouts, apples, tomatoes & green peppers. Glad I 'contained myself.' I need a garden... Ran into a high school friend there w/an amazing story. that would be another post for another day. Inspiring is an understatement.

LASTLY! (I know - go to bed already...) we hit Harvest Home nursery. Been going there for years. Stuff is very hardy & healthy & expensive until after Memorial Day (gougers..), then stuff is affordable. It's a cool place. Every year when I go there & see that "Open" sign, I hyperventilate cause I know I'm about to do damage...


However... I 'contained' myself to my beloved Tuberose Begonias; 1 yellow; 1 red; some red wax begonias & 2 red Geraniums. Then finally, home. the Son immediately went to his room; he's a good traveling buddy & never complains about having this kinda day, but when we're done, all he wants to do is eat dinner, go to his room & get away from me! LOL!

okay.... super tired/sleepy now.

Friday, June 11, 2010

He's got you covered....


Sigh.... God.

Where do I start. God is SO always right on time in his own time. I found a fantastic site called "God Talks to You." What a treasure. If you listen, he's talking to you all the time, yet we still fuss & fret. Even though I know He has love for each us more powerful than any parent could love us, he must think we are the stupidest creations he's ever made (LOL!) Why do some fight against what is the easiest thing in life to do? - live for him, by him, through him, trust him, ask him.

I remember when I was @ CBT (Canton Baptist Temple) about 9/10 years old when I first learned what the Lord/Jesus/Holy Ghost was really all about. I didn't get anything out of going to our family church; I just knew before the service ended, the pastor would get everyone worked up into a serious frenzy & folks would cry & pass out. THAT scared the living shit outta me.

When we were then sent CBT into our age-appropriate classrooms for learning on our levels, that's when I found I loved God/Jesus more than anything in the world. Instead of me being afraid of the fire/brimstone, I felt like I GLOWED w/love for God! He wasn't a monster at all - he was/is very gentle, caring & tender. When I asked my teacher how I could feel like that all the time, she simply told me to always remember the count on my 5 fingers:
  1. I.
  2. Shall
  3. Never
  4. Leave
  5. Thee
Wow!!! That's it? I remembered asking her? She said yes, when you got saved & let Jesus into your heart, you are covered for life. Surely (& stupidly) I thought it has GOT to be more to it & harder than that. You have God TELLING you that for goodness sakes, yet still you doubt? DUH.

Where I'm going with this is @ the end of this month, the Sons' track team will spend the weekend in Columbus @ Ohio State & stay in the dorms. Parents are not allowed to travel with & have to fend for their own lodging. Translation: I'm ass out. Solution: after much fretting, yet not wanting to steal my son's happiness, I was told that if I could not attend, he would be very safe & fine with his extended family.

Thank you, God, Jesus, FatherGod, Lord. You have ALWAYS come thru for the Son - whatever his needs are in their simplicity, you've always been there. So, my son will have the most exciting time of his life, so far, and I feel blessed and immensely grateful that our Father made a way - AGAIN, like he always does.

Amen. :-)

Thursday, June 10, 2010

reflection....friend or associate?


sometimes I sit & think about all the people who pass through our lives. I can't say that I have a really good true close friend, but I'm friendly with everyone, so... they're all like friends. I feel like I have a different relationship w/everyone I associate with. Me & Lisa Doyle are different from me & Jodi Broom, which is polar opposite from me & Elaine Doll, which is different from me & Theresa Mayes, etc. Even here @ work, i look around my office & I see little momentos of things pass coworkers have given me before they moved on. I have teddy bears, friendship plaques, shells, candles, cards, and now this lovely Willow Tree Doll from Theresa who is new here, but whom I have become friends with. These 'friends'.... we don't usually go to each others homes (even though the offers are there), we don't go out together, rarely do we eat lunch together, but seeing each other in situations that put you together makes you think you're friends. When someone moves on, that association usually dies if you don't work very hard to keep the ember glowing. It's amazing when you let your head go there.

In this meanwhile, I do, again, thank Theresa for her friendship/association while we share this space 40 hours a week & glad she believes I'm deserving of this beautiful expression of her caring.

if you don't expect anything.....


then you'll never be disappointed.....

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hippo, Birdie, Two Ewes....


translation: Happy Birthday To You(Me): Since this time last year, I hope I am:
  • wiser
  • smarter
  • more confident
  • more vocal
  • more thoughtful
  • more considerate
  • more daring
  • deeper*
  • sweeter*
  • higher*
  • fly-err*
or, didn't you know this?* Didn't you know this?* (*My Love ~ Jill Scott / The Real Thing; Words & Sounds Volume 3).

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

birthday thoughts....

don't know where my head is while i'm working; seems like everywhere but here. just thinking about how birthdays were when you were young; you took a bath (even though it wasn't Saturday night), got all shiney & 'greased down', put on your birthday clothes, then 'when it was time', your friends & family came to your house, lavished gifts on you, sang to you, shared cake & ice cream, played w/your stuff, then the parents kicked you out to play outside. Then everyone left & you were still basking in the glow of your birthday & your gifts. And you reveled in being a year older. Now, you just revel in being a year older....

fingers crossed....

Would love to have free print give-away from Gabrielle Kai's photography. Her work is awesome. If you've never seen it, check it out - it's dreamy....
http://gabriellekaiphotography.com/blog/2010/06/mini-print-giveaway/comment-page-1/#comment-10346

Monday, June 7, 2010

in 2 days...



i'll be 47 years old. that sounds so funny. I remember when I was 17, I wondered what I would look like when I got 25; then 30.. then I quit wondering. I look like I look. I'm still not finding time to get this blog thing together like i want; I need a full day to play around, but in the meanwhile, sorta nervous about letting others read. Very sleepy now - lots of laps around the track in the fresh air; alarm will go off before I know it. One day @ a time...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

... and away she went.

Well... here I am. Doing the blog thing. Unfortunately, it's almost time to dash outta here, so I won't be able to write until later, but at least I'm doing it. YAY me!